[SymphonicHealth] Suffering palpitations, sweaty hands, loosing sleep, incoherent speech? (off topic-Humor)

[Guest guest]

LOVE HAS REACHED EPIDEMIC PROPORTION

Forwarded by Dr. Leo Rebello. (Satire)

Doctors from the University of Allopath have announced that Love is a

disease. It is characterized by abnormal heart rhythms, sweating, impaired brain

function, incoherent speech patterns and loss of sleep, among other signs.

Thanks to this pioneering work from researchers sponsored by the leading drug

firm Pferck, researchers have learned that love is a common biochemical disorder

affecting both men and women of all ages.

Fortunately, it is treatable with prescription drugs. A new drug, Miserexa,

combines beta blockers and antidepressants to alleviate the symptoms of Love.

This drug slows the heart and helps patients feel detached from reality,

counteracting the unhealthy neediness of Love.

The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) approved the new drug this week. In a

press conference, chief FDA drug approval scientist Dr. B. Fuddle said, " We are

declaring war on Love, and doing everything in our power to eradicate Love from

the world. "

The market for Miserexa is expected to reach six billion dollars annually.

" Love has reached epidemic proportions " , explained a public relations

representative of Pferk. " If we do not act immediately to thwart the spread of

this disease, Love will run rampant, and we will be facing an epidemic of Love

in the world. "

Health researchers first became aware of the disease after being alerted to

symptoms of Love by the psychiatry community, which has been instrumental in the

detection and aggressive treatment of this dangerous condition with

brain-altering drugs. " We were seeing it in an alarming number of patients " ,

explained one psychiatrist, " and it was causing untold suffering in their lives.

Fortunately, the condition can now be chemically corrected. "

Further study revealed that Love is highly contagious. It can apparently

spread from one person to another, although the mechanism of transmission is

currently unknown. Love also spreads easily from mother to child, especially in

newborns. Interestingly, Love has no effect on landlords and corporate CEOs, who

seem to possess some unknown immunity to the disease.

Given the expanding threat of this disease, doctors stress it is important

that all adults get screened for Love as soon as possible. Hospitals and clinics

are now setting up Love screening programs in the hopes of catching the disease

early and treating it aggressively with targeted pharmaceuticals. " Nearly half

the population may now be suffering from Love " , said Dr. Fuddle, " and we

estimate more than 90% of the carriers are currently going without treatment. It

is important that we provide screenings and treatment on a population-wide

basis. "

If Love is not detected and treated in its early stages, it can advance to

the point where the only solution is surgery.

In such severe cases of Love, skilled surgeons perform a cardiectomy (a

surgical removal of the heart). The procedure is risky, and many patients have

died on the operating table, but many more have been successfully saved from the

ravages of Love by the skillful blade of a compassionate surgeon.

The American Misery Association (AMA), whose mission is to find the cure for

Love, is working hard to help educate the general public to watch for early

signs of Love. People are urged to conduct a Love self-examination in the

privacy of their own homes, and to watch out for the classic symptoms of Love:

racing pulse, sweaty palms, inability to speak in coherent sentences, or

confusion around certain attractive individuals. People are also taught how to

avoid giving Love to others - an important step in halting the spread of this

disease.

If you suspect that you or someone you know might be suffering from Love,

don't wait. Treatment is available. Don't let Loved ones suffer any longer.

This press release is brought to you by Pferck, where today's rip-off drug

prices fund tomorrow's profit miracles.

http://www.newstarget.com/010825.html

" When it comes to understanding disease process and the true nature of what a

real healing process is, modern medicine sadly lingers in ignorance. The

pathetic thing is that this ignorance is promoted, fed and maintained by the

profit motive. I realize that modern medicine is a business and not a healing

art. Health and healing is bad for business. " - Comment on a medical forum.

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