Re: KO leftovers and buying our first place (Trish and Kerrie)

[Guest guest]

Trish and Kerrie,

I really understand your money anxieties, Trish, cuz we had the same

thing in my FOO. Our family was very financially unstable and the kids

always knew about every worry (and every imaginary worry). Sometimes

the worries were real--we did get kicked out of places for nonpayment

of rent. But knowing nada, I think some of the worries were

dramatized, just to get everyone around her upset. When they finally

did buy a house years later, nada acted as if with every mortgage

payment, we wouldn't have enough to eat, or the house was gonna get

repossessed or whatever.

And Kerrie, you made some wonderful points! I would like to suggest

that yes, like Kerrie said, in this case the KO craziness we endured

can almost be turned around into a positive!! It IS a good thing that

some of us KOs, more than the average person, put a lot of thought

into major financial decisions and take our time. Just because " other

people " seem to buy and sell houses with no second thought, doesn't

mean that's necessarily the ideal way to behave. Fifty years ago,

everyone smoked too, and the people who didn't, were no-fun,

sticks-in-the-mud.

We've done similar to Kerrie's family in that we deliberately set

ourselves up " before kids " to live way under our means. Even if you

plan that both partners will work full time after kids, or even if you

plan to have no kids, its very liberating to live below your means and

to know that one of you could lose a job at any moment and there would

be no financial disaster (losing a house, whatever).

We're in the middle of trying to sell our place and re-locate, and we

will have a choice of buying a modest home (still with good schools)

with cash or buying a pretty nice place (same schools) with a

mortgage. It's tempting to look at the really nice places we could

have...but it's even more tempting for us to think about the lowered

stress and the flexibility of living below our means.

Anyway, I'm digressing from the original issue a bit but...I think we

can turn our KO anxieties about money (which were so wrong for our FOO

to inflict on us) into a strength, to be thoughtful about money, which

is a strength that few in our culture enjoy right now. A lot of KOs

also have the strength--from growing up with status-crazy nadas--of

valuing people above things, and of valuing depth beyond surface

appearances.

Just some thoughts on how we can sometimes transform our painful KO

legacy into blessings and strength.

Digressingly,

Janie

[Guest guest]

Hi Trish and all,

I remember when I was a child my nada used to say things like 'we can't afford

to buy

bread', and she also says that once my father didn't pay our taxes, and a man

came to kick

us all out of the house. Of course, she drove a mercedes...

Charlie

>

> Trish and Kerrie,

> I really understand your money anxieties, Trish, cuz we had the same

> thing in my FOO. Our family was very financially unstable and the kids

> always knew about every worry (and every imaginary worry). Sometimes

> the worries were real--we did get kicked out of places for nonpayment

> of rent. But knowing nada, I think some of the worries were

> dramatized, just to get everyone around her upset. When they finally

> did buy a house years later, nada acted as if with every mortgage

> payment, we wouldn't have enough to eat, or the house was gonna get

> repossessed or whatever.

>

> And Kerrie, you made some wonderful points! I would like to suggest

> that yes, like Kerrie said, in this case the KO craziness we endured

> can almost be turned around into a positive!! It IS a good thing that

> some of us KOs, more than the average person, put a lot of thought

> into major financial decisions and take our time. Just because " other

> people " seem to buy and sell houses with no second thought, doesn't

> mean that's necessarily the ideal way to behave. Fifty years ago,

> everyone smoked too, and the people who didn't, were no-fun,

> sticks-in-the-mud.

>

> We've done similar to Kerrie's family in that we deliberately set

> ourselves up " before kids " to live way under our means. Even if you

> plan that both partners will work full time after kids, or even if you

> plan to have no kids, its very liberating to live below your means and

> to know that one of you could lose a job at any moment and there would

> be no financial disaster (losing a house, whatever).

>

> We're in the middle of trying to sell our place and re-locate, and we

> will have a choice of buying a modest home (still with good schools)

> with cash or buying a pretty nice place (same schools) with a

> mortgage. It's tempting to look at the really nice places we could

> have...but it's even more tempting for us to think about the lowered

> stress and the flexibility of living below our means.

>

> Anyway, I'm digressing from the original issue a bit but...I think we

> can turn our KO anxieties about money (which were so wrong for our FOO

> to inflict on us) into a strength, to be thoughtful about money, which

> is a strength that few in our culture enjoy right now. A lot of KOs

> also have the strength--from growing up with status-crazy nadas--of

> valuing people above things, and of valuing depth beyond surface

> appearances.

>

> Just some thoughts on how we can sometimes transform our painful KO

> legacy into blessings and strength.

>

> Digressingly,

> Janie

>