I am sad with because she is making me loose my identity

[Guest guest]

I am sad with because she is making me loose my identity

Is it true?

Yes, she is always trying to change the way I am, my style of

dressing, etc.

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

No, she says it is only a few things about me I have to change, but I

feel sometimes like I am loosing the essence of who I am.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

I get bitter and I resent her inside me.

Who would you be without the thought?

I would be freer and more spontaneous. I wouldn't be afraid of making

mistakes. I would be happier.

TA: I'm sad with me because I am making me loose my identity (truer:

I'm the one who is supposed to know the kind of person I want or

desire to be, not she, as I'm the one who is going to live that life)

TA: I'm sad with me because is making me loose my identify

(true: I let her make her changes without standing up for who I am)

TA: I'm sad with me because I am making loose her identity

(true: she has always been critical, perfectionist, and expecting

everything and everyone to conform. I must change myself first before

I expect her to change)

[Guest guest]

Dear Uvie,

Am 16.04.2006 um 21:31 schrieb uvie:

> I am sad with because she is making me loose my identity

> Is it true?

> Yes, she is always trying to change the way I am, my style of

> dressing, etc.

> Can you absolutely know that it's true?

> No, she says it is only a few things about me I have to change, but I

> feel sometimes like I am loosing the essence of who I am.

Ok, so she is NOT making you loose your identity. She tells you what

she thinks you should change about you. She is merely expressing her

thoughts. That's what I hear from you.

And its only a few things.

What ARE the things she wants you to change? What is your take on

these things?

Any other way she is making you loose your identity?

> How do you react when you believe that thought?

> I get bitter and I resent her inside me.

So you sit with her, she tells you what she wants you to change. And

you get bitter.

Anything else? Do you say something? What do you say? What does it

sound like? " yes, sweetheart " , " thank you for noticing " , " hmpf " , " I

like the way I am " , " leave me alone " , " don't say that to me " ...? Do

you do anything? And what does that look like? Ignore her in a way,

leave the room, do as if nothing happened...

How do you feel that doing what you do or say treats her? How does it

feel to you?

How do you treat yourself?

How do you treat her, when she is not around, and you go over the

story, over and over?

> Who would you be without the thought?

> I would be freer and more spontaneous. I wouldn't be afraid of making

> mistakes. I would be happier.

How would you react towards her, when she tells you what she wants

you to change? How does *that* feel?

> TA: I'm sad with me because I am making me loose my identity (truer:

> I'm the one who is supposed to know the kind of person I want or

> desire to be, not she, as I'm the one who is going to live that life)

ok, let's look here, again, when you answered what you think about

the things she says about you.

> TA: I'm sad with me because is making me loose my identify

> (true: I let her make her changes without standing up for who I am)

Well, who ARE you?

> TA: I'm sad with me because I am making loose her identity

> (true: she has always been critical, perfectionist, and expecting

> everything and everyone to conform. I must change myself first before

> I expect her to change)

Sounds like hell. And turn the " she has always been " -part around.

Love,

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[Guest guest]

great alexander,

hearty thanks...