Guest guest Posted June 6, 2006 Report Share Posted June 6, 2006 In a message dated 6/6/2006 10:36:15 A.M. Eastern Standard Time, lafdaily@... writes: dear steve, thanks for your reply. my answers below... Dear , You said: " so, Renata shouldn't act distant and strange. is that true? the truth is: she does. at least sometimes. " OK, let's turn this thing around and see what we can find out? ****ok. i'm saddened, confused and worried by " my thinking " regarding Renata. i don't like how " my thinking " makes me act nervous and strange. ****true. i act very nervous and strange when i think she is. i notice that i absolutely can't help it. Regarding: " over the phone, especially after i tell her how important she is to me and how much she is loved. " When you tell her these things on the phone, are you expecting her or wanting her to respond in a certain way? And when it appears she hasn't, where does your mind go? ***yes, absolutely! i want a very specific response. when it appears different, my mind goes into suspision and anxiety. the most immediate thoughts are " she doesn't love me anymore. she is 'fading'. she wants to end it. " and from there, my friendly inner slavedriver/dictator/critic goes into overdrive about what i did/am doing wrong and how how how can i reverse it. very, very stressful. so, " My Thinking " shouldn't be distant and strange, especially about my relationship with Renata. ****sounds really good, but i just simply don't get it. my truest and most honest answer right now is, i just want R to act a certain way, so to calm my thinking down, so i can feel peace and happiness. i know this is hopeless and giving all my power away, and i really am trying to *see* in a different way, but so far, i'm not finding much success. I do not see where any of your concerns have anything at all to do with Renata. They all appear to be a result of your thoughts. It goes like this: J Thinks, J Feels, J Acts, J Has, not Renata acts and J has. ****man, i wish i could SEE THIS for myself. it sounds so good in theory! i think i'm not cutting through to myself very well, which has always been a problem for me when doing the work. okay, enough complaining. i will try again... Have a great day, Steve D. ***thanks, J -- In _Loving-what-Loving-what-<WBLov_ (mailto:Loving-what-is ) , jmknapp74@.., jm > > here's my work. feedback is always appreciated. this is totally > embarrassing for me, so please be gentle. > > > 1. Who angers, confuses, saddens, or disappoints you, > and why? What is it about them that you don't like? > > > i'm saddened, confused and worried by R because she's acting very 'distant' > in our relationship right now. i don't like how she acts nervous and strange > over the phone, especially after i tell her how important she is to me and ho > w much she is loved. > > so, Renata shouldn't act distant and strange. is that true? > the truth is: she does. at least sometimes. > > how do i react when i believe this thought? > my mind immediately starts spinning stories as to what it means (she is > losing interest, wanting to end it). i get very restless and anxious. i feel a > sinking, almost sick feeling in my stomach. > > is there a peaceful reason to believe this thought? > absolutely not, though i have no choice in the moment. > > is there a good reason to drop it? > yes, and i can't. > > who would i be w/out this belief? > less fucking neurotic. more relaxed. that feeling of high- tension worry > would at least be less, and that would be nice. > > TA's > > Renata should act distant and strange. okay, but i still don't like it. > Renata shouldn't act warm and caring and loving. not until she does. > i shouldn't act distant and strange. i know i do this sometimes to other > people, and i see i can't really help it. and i'm sorry, 'people'. > i shouldn't freak out about this. well, i know! > > i think the issue here is abandonment. i can be/have been/will be abandoned > because... > i'm always looking for the worst, waiting for it. make friends w/ the worst > that can happen, right? > > well, i need to go to bed now. if you read this, thanks. > > jeremy > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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