Doing the work on 'not doing the work'

[Guest guest]

I am mad at myself because I'm not doing many worksheets.

wtf does 'many' mean? How many is many? I don't know. The word doesn't

make sense.

I should do more worksheets. Is that true? I'm not sure. I don't know.

How do I feel when I think this thought. I feel a weight on my

shoulders, I feel my throat constricting and less air flowing, I feel

my face constricting, especially around and between my eyes. I feel my

chest tightening.

Who/what am I w/o this thought? My chest and throat open up. A smile

creeps into my mouth and eyes. All is well and good in the world.

Turnarounds: I am happy with myself for not doing the work. I am not

unhappy at myself for not doing the work. (feels truer) I am happy I'm

doing as many worksheets as I am. (feels truer)

Maybe I've always done as many as I was 'supposed to', and will always

do as many as I'm 'supposed to'. That would be reality.

I want me to do them (worksheets) every day.

I should do THE WORK every day. Is that true? I'm not sure. I don't

know if that's true. Perhaps the reality is I'm to be doing something

else. Maybe the reality is it doesn't matter how many I do.

How does thinking I should be doing THE WORK every day make me feel?

(see above answer to same question) And I notice I put it on my 'to

do' list (aka 'should list') and as my list grows, the day ahead

starts to feel heavy. And there's a finger pointing at waving at me,

'shoulding' me. When I get in bed, if I haven't gotten much done on

the list, sometimes I think about that and feel bad rather than focus

on the gifts the day gave me.

Who/what am I w/o this thought? I relax, tension leaves, air flows in

and out easily. The day becomes free to be what it is, I become free.

I feel full. And happy.

Turnarounds: I don't want me to do them every day. I don't want me to

want to do them every day. (feels true) I don't want me to want.

(feels really true)

What I'm finding is the work is creeping into my thoughts more and

more, though not necessarily in the 'work' context. A thought will

arise, and sometimes immediately it will be questioned and it'll lose

its power.

I should be diligent about investigating thoughts.

wtf does 'diligent' mean? It feels heavy. Like rolling a huge boulder

up a mountain. Is it true I should be diligent? No. Is it true I

should investigate my thoughts? Haha, I'm investigating that very

thought right now. (I never woulda guessed doing 'the work' would

become a stressful thought)

How does thinking I should do the work feel? Parts of body begin

tightening up. Weight on shoulders. I want to pull away from life,

maybe go lay down and nap. Life's too much - I need a break.

Who/what am I when I let the thought go? I open up, my posture opens

up, life opens up. I'm happy. I trust what will be, will be. I trust.

I smile.

Turnarounds: I shouldn't be diligent about investigating thoughts.

Right, maybe it's meant to be a joyous thing, and if it's not, I'm

forcing something. I shouldn't be diligent. (that feels truer) I

shouldn't investigate thoughts. I investigate thoughts, or I don't.

That's reality.

I need me to do more worksheets. No, I don't. I need me to do more.

No, I don't. I need me. huh? I need? No I have no unfulfilled

needs. Huh, in this moment I don't know what 'need' means. hahahahaha

I am; lazy, procrastinator, weak, unfocused.

I am lazy, is that true? Yeah, sometimes. I love being lazy. 'lazy

days of summer' can be year round! This is ironic, doing the work

leads to laziness. hahahaha I am a procrastinator. wtf? What does that

word mean? If I don't get paid to crastinate, how can I be a

procrastinator? I think maybe I'll drop that word from my vocabulary.

I am weak. Is that true? Well, maybe. I don't know. It's relative. I

worked out at the ymca yesterday and moved around quite a bit of

weight. So not sure on that one. I'm unfocused. Is that a bad thing?

Again it's relative. Focused seems to really shrink my world down.

Lately I find myself jumping into things and allowing myself to melt

into it, becoming it. Having no borders, no separation.

Turnarounds: I am strong - yeah, I am. Or not, I guess it doesn't

matter to me much these days. I get stuff done. Well, not sure on

that, maybe stuff just 'is', and I'm not really doing it. I am

focused. I don't know what that means.

I don't ever want to think I'm not doing enough worksheets. Oh heck,

that thought can flow in, but not much velcro left for it to adhere and

become stressful.

Damn, I wrote a lot. I shouldn't post such looong posts. Is that true?

hahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahaha

I should do a worksheet on that.

hahahahahahaqhahahahahahahahahahafkhdf qrgojhg;4tohj42't4b

[Guest guest]

>

> I am mad at myself because I'm not doing many worksheets.

>

That whole bit is excellent, . It demonstrates the ramblings of

the mind to the point of ludicrousness. I find these particular

ramblings very thought provoking!

I especially like the point you made about not knowing what " need "

means. Doing The Work on stressful thoughts brings you to just that

point - your stressful thought no longer makes sense, so why linger

with it.

--

[Guest guest]

>

> wtf does 'many' mean?

BTW, I just figured out what " wtf " means. Very cute! Clearly

demonstrates your state of mind, doesn't it?

--

[Guest guest]

> >

> > wtf does 'many' mean?

>

> BTW, I just figured out what " wtf " means. Very cute! Clearly

> demonstrates your state of mind, doesn't it?

>

> --

>