Want to give many thanks..... and I don't know how much more I can take!!.....

[Guest guest]

I've been offline for awhile... been really sick but I have been

wanting to thank KC and Sharon for speaking with me and giving me

some support. I also wanted to thank for chatting with me and

informing me about Dr. Kilburn. I also want to thank anyone else who

responded to my message for help....

I have been reading and catching up on all the info... nice to hear

from Dan and Carmella and hope all is well with them...

Now onto just how sick I've been. I have had laryngitis, those darn

headaches, a horrific cough, sores in my nose, bleeding and pus

coming from my toe nail, along with all the usual fatigue, aches,

etc. and my eyes (the blurring, watering, blind spot, etc.) for the

past two weeks and not getting any better. Don't know how much more

I can take of this!.... 'who' I feel for you....

And to add insult to injury, I got back the judges decision for my

disability hearing. I was not only flat out denied, the judge, the

state medical doctors and evaluators that the state made me go see

accused me of all sorts of things like lying, making up all my

symptoms, and the classic it's all in my head, your crazy, that I'm

a " drug-seeker " and that I have a history of " personality traits,

schizoid personality features and narcissistic personality

features " .....! Plus many other things...

His notice is fifteen pages long of nothing but false allegations,

lies, slander and bullying towards not only me but my doctors (the

private docs not the insurance docs that I see). They disregaurded

and discredited all of my doctor's medical forms and evaluations. He

had the nerve to say that my docs were not qualified enough....

I am very much aware that they are being paid by the state to

discredit me in whatever way they can so the state won't have to pay

me. But what's even worse is the fact that the state is trying to

drag my case out as long as they can to pass the deadline of Dec.

31, 2007 because if I can't prove my case by then they will be off

the hook for paying me disability from June 2003 to the present. And

I won't ever be able to file to get my benifits for that time frame,

again...

And talk about conflict of interests!!!!.... How can this system be

so unjust and cruel? All I want is to get better and get back to

work and have my daughter be ok. All this fight is for her not me

and for all those who are suffering in alone or in silence!!

I'm not quite sure even as I typing this what my next move will be

or how my daughter and I are going to survive this. I have nowhere

else to go, I have no money to try to see any doc, whether it be

here w/ Dr. Kilburn or Dr. Shoemaker in land to get treatment

and I'm about to be kicked off of the calworks program (the county

AFDC) that I'v been surviving off of waiting for disability.

Ihaven't been able to work sine June 2003. What is a person supposed

to do? How is one expected live and survive?

These are my only options I have: and they are not good ones

**I could sue my 92 yr. old grandmother in a personal injury case

since she is the owner of the apartment with the mold that has made

my daughter and I so sick. With this option, I would at least have

some money to either move, get treatment and/or to live off of.

**I could also con. to saty in this moldy apartment and try to come

up w/ $3,150 to go see Dr. Kilburn and have my daughter and I tested

under his prtocol which could help me with my disability appeal.

**I could sell everything I own to try to come up with enough money

to get to land to see Dr. Shoemaker which at the least I would

have the peace of mind that my daughter and I would be getting some

help with our illness, even if that means never returning to CA. I'm

just not sure if I could come up w/ enough $ to get us there, to

live off of and to get treatment. And I don't know anyone in

land.

I also would like to appeal my case but I need to find a lawyer who

is going to care about my case and not just meet me five minutes

before we meet with the judge just so the judge can see that I have

representation. Had my lawyer done their job, in my opinion, the

judge would not have been able to slander me or my doctors the way

he did.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated! I'm about ready

to break but I know that's exactly what that judge and the state

would love to see happen!!! So I can't and won't let it happen!!!

Thanks all,

Dana in Pasadena,CA.