Re: When do you start thinking about a NH?

January 6, 2008

Oh my, another dear friend, Emma, with a problem. Dear, I am going to

eagerly wait for someone that has been there to answer your question. I have

asked

myself the same question several times.

I believe it's when a caregiver can no longer handle the situation for

whatever reason. Or, when the LO is becoming a danger to her/himself. Or,

wrecking

a caregiver's health then action has to be taken. Only the Caregiver can

decide this.

I have told Don that as much as I love him, if he becomes violent, I will

have to find a place for him.

What about Bob? What is happening to his health? What does the Doctor say?

There are so many variables, which don't apply to everyone.

I will be glad to hear what others have to say on this.

Love so much dear one,

Imogene

In a message dated 1/6/2008 8:10:18 AM Central Standard Time,

emsyfay@... writes:

Hey all!

So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's husband) this morning that is

making me

start to wonder if we should be beginning to look at a NH for grandma. Bob

is not

sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma getting up in the night and

falling. I've offered

to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling (knowing Bob) that even if

I'm here he will

still get up if she does. Grandma is still not eating well (we discovered

she has gone from

112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is having more toilet accidents,

she is refusing

to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we don't directly make her

use it she NEVER

uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3 years worth of long term care

insurance but

when do we know its time to start using it? What if we start soon and after

3 years she is

still kicking?!? What could they do differently in a NH that we aren't

doing here besides 24

hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if she continues eating

poorly that a

feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This idea stems from the fact

that every time

she has had an IV in the last year and a half we have to be constantly

vigilant to stop her

from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting whenever she has one since

the more you

ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES mess with it to the point

that we have

to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets more and more angry every

minute. Is a

longer life with a feeding tube worth the unhappiness it would most likely

cause?

What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty clear in her living will that

she wanted to

stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy the care insurance so she

obviously knew

that she might need it someday. Does that mean she would be ok with it or

was it meant

as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some kind of relief soon I'll

be taking care of 2

people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she is home he will sacrifice

himself to care

for her no matter how much I try to help.

Such a weird decision to have to make...

What do you all think?

Emma

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

**************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.

http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

January 6, 2008

Dear Emma,

I know this must be a very tough decision.I keep telling myself that I will

know when its time for outside help and it cant be helped.I hope Im

right.Because even when theres factors that suggest that it would be better for

your loved one with 24 hr supervision, it doesnt make it any easier on the

heart.I know that mom would rather live in her own home and I dont know for sure

how long I can do this and still provide safety and security for her.It seems

your at a point where you have a really big decision to make and although I cant

say either way what I would do personally because our situations arent exactly

the same, I would like to offer my support to you and I know that you will do

whats best for everyone involved.I would say that with whatever you do you

should rest in the fact that you do your best and sometimes that includes making

the hard decisions.Your a very strong and wonderful grand daughter and your

gramma is lucky to have you in her corner.I wish you

the best of luck Ron

emsyfay wrote:

Hey all!

So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's husband) this morning that is making

me

start to wonder if we should be beginning to look at a NH for grandma. Bob is

not

sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma getting up in the night and falling.

I've offered

to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling (knowing Bob) that even if I'm

here he will

still get up if she does. Grandma is still not eating well (we discovered she

has gone from

112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is having more toilet accidents, she

is refusing

to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we don't directly make her use it

she NEVER

uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3 years worth of long term care

insurance but

when do we know its time to start using it? What if we start soon and after 3

years she is

still kicking?!? What could they do differently in a NH that we aren't doing

here besides 24

hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if she continues eating poorly

that a

feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This idea stems from the fact that

every time

she has had an IV in the last year and a half we have to be constantly vigilant

to stop her

from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting whenever she has one since the

more you

ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES mess with it to the point that

we have

to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets more and more angry every minute.

Is a

longer life with a feeding tube worth the unhappiness it would most likely

cause?

What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty clear in her living will that she

wanted to

stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy the care insurance so she

obviously knew

that she might need it someday. Does that mean she would be ok with it or was it

meant

as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some kind of relief soon I'll be

taking care of 2

people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she is home he will sacrifice

himself to care

for her no matter how much I try to help.

Such a weird decision to have to make...

What do you all think?

Emma

RON

---------------------------------

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Yahoo! Search.

January 6, 2008

Emma,

You might check the long term care insurance. Some of them cover in house care.

The time comes when you realize it's not safe for your LO or anyone taking care

of your

LO. That is the time when a nh is needed. My Mother didn't like the nh, but she

improved

in the nh and gained weight. Part of it was the nh doctor referring us to a

geriatric

psychiatrist that got her on the right mix of medication. The routine of a nh

also helps. It

would be wise to research the local nhs and have a couple picked out.

My Mother lasted 4 years (to the day) in the nh.

Good luck,

in Dallas

>

> Hey all!

> So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's husband) this morning that is

making me

> start to wonder if we should be beginning to look at a NH for grandma. Bob is

not

> sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma getting up in the night and

falling. I've offered

> to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling (knowing Bob) that even if I'm

here he

will

> still get up if she does. Grandma is still not eating well (we discovered she

has gone

from

> 112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is having more toilet accidents,

she is

refusing

> to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we don't directly make her use

it she

NEVER

> uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3 years worth of long term care

insurance but

> when do we know its time to start using it? What if we start soon and after 3

years she

is

> still kicking?!? What could they do differently in a NH that we aren't doing

here besides

24

> hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if she continues eating poorly

that a

> feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This idea stems from the fact that

every time

> she has had an IV in the last year and a half we have to be constantly

vigilant to stop her

> from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting whenever she has one since

the more

you

> ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES mess with it to the point

that we

have

> to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets more and more angry every

minute. Is a

> longer life with a feeding tube worth the unhappiness it would most likely

cause?

> What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty clear in her living will that

she wanted

to

> stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy the care insurance so she

obviously knew

> that she might need it someday. Does that mean she would be ok with it or was

it

meant

> as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

> At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some kind of relief soon I'll be

taking care of

2

> people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she is home he will sacrifice

himself to care

> for her no matter how much I try to help.

> Such a weird decision to have to make...

> What do you all think?

> Emma

>

January 6, 2008

HI Emma,

If you are all not ready to make that move to a NH how about talking to Bob and

the family and hiring someone who would come in and do the overnight shift - say

11:00 in the evening till 8:00 in the morning? Eventually his health, both

mentally and physically will be effected by his lack of sleep. This would mean

that Bob would sleep in another room but at least he could get a good 7-8 hours

of sleep and be there for his wife throughout the day. This would also let you

get some sleep too.

Courage

When do you start thinking about a NH?

Hey all!

So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's husband) this morning that is

making me

start to wonder if we should be beginning to look at a NH for grandma. Bob is

not

sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma getting up in the night and

falling. I've offered

to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling (knowing Bob) that even if I'm

here he will

still get up if she does. Grandma is still not eating well (we discovered she

has gone from

112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is having more toilet accidents,

she is refusing

to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we don't directly make her use

it she NEVER

uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3 years worth of long term care

insurance but

when do we know its time to start using it? What if we start soon and after 3

years she is

still kicking?!? What could they do differently in a NH that we aren't doing

here besides 24

hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if she continues eating poorly

that a

feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This idea stems from the fact that

every time

she has had an IV in the last year and a half we have to be constantly

vigilant to stop her

from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting whenever she has one since

the more you

ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES mess with it to the point

that we have

to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets more and more angry every

minute. Is a

longer life with a feeding tube worth the unhappiness it would most likely

cause?

What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty clear in her living will that

she wanted to

stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy the care insurance so she

obviously knew

that she might need it someday. Does that mean she would be ok with it or was

it meant

as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some kind of relief soon I'll be

taking care of 2

people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she is home he will sacrifice

himself to care

for her no matter how much I try to help.

Such a weird decision to have to make...

What do you all think?

Emma

January 6, 2008

Well it seems this is going to be a non-issue again for a while anyway. My

mother

(Grandma's daughter) just came over for a quick visit and when I mentioned the

conversation Bob and I had this morning she had a bit of a fit. She is

completely opposed

to anything other than 2 choices (1) Grandma stays at home until she dies, or

(2) she goes

to a NH ONLY if she is bed-ridden and completely unaware of her surroundings.

Unfortunately that leaves it to someone other than her to be the one staying

WITH

Grandma until she dies here or is too far gone for it to matter to her where she

is because

my mom has to worry about my step-dad until HE gets better and she can't deal

with 2

sick people at once. And my uncles are sweet but useless so that means its me.

At this point if Grandma keeps eating and drinking the way she is, or NOT eating

and

drinking as the case may be, she is going to die soon no matter what. She is

existing on

600 or less calories a day at this point and about 15oz of liquid a day MAX.

And thats on

a GOOD day. She is looking thinner and thinner to me every day. Of course when

I

mentioned to mom during her visit that all Grandma's rib bones and hip bones are

poking

out where they never did before she just says, " Well you're probably just extra

sensitive to

that because you're looking for it. " Yep, because I spend my days looking for

problems

and ways to be dramatic! ;-)

So far Bob's physical health goes he has held up fine but his mental health and

decision

making skills seem to be suffering. He's turning into Eeyore more and more all

the time

and not in a fuzzy cute way! And he wrecked his car a week and a half ago

because he

freaked out because Grandma was crying and instead of calling ME or an ambulance

he

put her in the car and tried to drive her to the ER even though he KNOWS he

isn't

supposed to drive at night per his eye doctor. (he has glaucoma AND just had

his

cataracts removed) He turned left (from a dead stop at a red light) and over

shot the turn

and hit a telephone poll. Luckily he hit it so lightly the airbags didn't even

go off but it

proves he is not able to make clear decisions.

Grandma's doctors have not made any recommendations at this point as far as her

care

needs. Although that could be because we haven't asked them.

I dunno...guess I'm just going to be stuck in the yucky place between mom and

Bob no

matter what I do.

*sigh*

Emma

>

> Oh my, another dear friend, Emma, with a problem. Dear, I am going to

> eagerly wait for someone that has been there to answer your question. I have

asked

> myself the same question several times.

>

> I believe it's when a caregiver can no longer handle the situation for

> whatever reason. Or, when the LO is becoming a danger to her/himself. Or,

wrecking

> a caregiver's health then action has to be taken. Only the Caregiver can

> decide this.

>

> I have told Don that as much as I love him, if he becomes violent, I will

> have to find a place for him.

>

> What about Bob? What is happening to his health? What does the Doctor say?

> There are so many variables, which don't apply to everyone.

>

> I will be glad to hear what others have to say on this.

>

> Love so much dear one,

> Imogene

>

> In a message dated 1/6/2008 8:10:18 AM Central Standard Time,

> emsyfay@... writes:

>

> Hey all!

> So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's husband) this morning that is

> making me

> start to wonder if we should be beginning to look at a NH for grandma. Bob

> is not

> sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma getting up in the night and

> falling. I've offered

> to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling (knowing Bob) that even if

> I'm here he will

> still get up if she does. Grandma is still not eating well (we discovered

> she has gone from

> 112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is having more toilet accidents,

> she is refusing

> to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we don't directly make her

> use it she NEVER

> uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3 years worth of long term care

> insurance but

> when do we know its time to start using it? What if we start soon and after

> 3 years she is

> still kicking?!? What could they do differently in a NH that we aren't

> doing here besides 24

> hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if she continues eating

> poorly that a

> feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This idea stems from the fact

> that every time

> she has had an IV in the last year and a half we have to be constantly

> vigilant to stop her

> from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting whenever she has one since

> the more you

> ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES mess with it to the point

> that we have

> to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets more and more angry every

> minute. Is a

> longer life with a feeding tube worth the unhappiness it would most likely

> cause?

> What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty clear in her living will that

> she wanted to

> stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy the care insurance so she

> obviously knew

> that she might need it someday. Does that mean she would be ok with it or

> was it meant

> as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

> At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some kind of relief soon I'll

> be taking care of 2

> people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she is home he will sacrifice

> himself to care

> for her no matter how much I try to help.

> Such a weird decision to have to make...

> What do you all think?

> Emma

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

> **************Start the year off right. Easy ways to stay in shape.

> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

>

January 6, 2008

Hello Emma,

I ran into a similar situation about 6 months ago, Mom

was not eating, sleeping all day, up all night, very

little interaction with the outside world unless I was

there to take her out. Had fallen a couple of times,

and didn't let me know for a few days(she lived in an

independent senior community, own apartment but meals

were provided in a dining room- so the facility knew

when she didn't come to eat) So anyway, I thought

about bringing her to live with me, but she would need

care while I was at work. Just someone here to help

her, get meals, etc. But I was afraid if she bumped

the stove(during one of her falls) she would turn the

gas on and not realize it. So I found a " assisted "

living facility, not a nursing home, but someone that

would be around 24 hours a day if she would fall or

need help with her incontinence/showers, get to the

dining room for meals, etc. So far (The Sunrise) has

been very helpful and I can sleep thru the night

without worrying so much. This is just an idea, if

your Mom doesn't want her in a " nursing home " . If you

have facilities like this one, or one of these, stop

by for an " unannounced " visit and see what you think.

I would highly recommend it.

Many hugs,

Deb

--- emsyfay wrote:

> Well it seems this is going to be a non-issue again

> for a while anyway. My mother

> (Grandma's daughter) just came over for a quick

> visit and when I mentioned the

> conversation Bob and I had this morning she had a

> bit of a fit. She is completely opposed

> to anything other than 2 choices (1) Grandma stays

> at home until she dies, or (2) she goes

> to a NH ONLY if she is bed-ridden and completely

> unaware of her surroundings.

> Unfortunately that leaves it to someone other than

> her to be the one staying WITH

> Grandma until she dies here or is too far gone for

> it to matter to her where she is because

> my mom has to worry about my step-dad until HE gets

> better and she can't deal with 2

> sick people at once. And my uncles are sweet but

> useless so that means its me.

> At this point if Grandma keeps eating and drinking

> the way she is, or NOT eating and

> drinking as the case may be, she is going to die

> soon no matter what. She is existing on

> 600 or less calories a day at this point and about

> 15oz of liquid a day MAX. And thats on

> a GOOD day. She is looking thinner and thinner to

> me every day. Of course when I

> mentioned to mom during her visit that all Grandma's

> rib bones and hip bones are poking

> out where they never did before she just says, " Well

> you're probably just extra sensitive to

> that because you're looking for it. " Yep, because I

> spend my days looking for problems

> and ways to be dramatic! ;-)

> So far Bob's physical health goes he has held up

> fine but his mental health and decision

> making skills seem to be suffering. He's turning

> into Eeyore more and more all the time

> and not in a fuzzy cute way! And he wrecked his car

> a week and a half ago because he

> freaked out because Grandma was crying and instead

> of calling ME or an ambulance he

> put her in the car and tried to drive her to the ER

> even though he KNOWS he isn't

> supposed to drive at night per his eye doctor. (he

> has glaucoma AND just had his

> cataracts removed) He turned left (from a dead stop

> at a red light) and over shot the turn

> and hit a telephone poll. Luckily he hit it so

> lightly the airbags didn't even go off but it

> proves he is not able to make clear decisions.

> Grandma's doctors have not made any recommendations

> at this point as far as her care

> needs. Although that could be because we haven't

> asked them.

> I dunno...guess I'm just going to be stuck in the

> yucky place between mom and Bob no

> matter what I do.

> *sigh*

> Emma

>

> >

> > Oh my, another dear friend, Emma, with a problem.

> Dear, I am going to

> > eagerly wait for someone that has been there to

> answer your question. I have asked

> > myself the same question several times.

> >

> > I believe it's when a caregiver can no longer

> handle the situation for

> > whatever reason. Or, when the LO is becoming a

> danger to her/himself. Or, wrecking

> > a caregiver's health then action has to be taken.

> Only the Caregiver can

> > decide this.

> >

> > I have told Don that as much as I love him, if he

> becomes violent, I will

> > have to find a place for him.

> >

> > What about Bob? What is happening to his health?

> What does the Doctor say?

> > There are so many variables, which don't apply to

> everyone.

> >

> > I will be glad to hear what others have to say on

> this.

> >

> > Love so much dear one,

> > Imogene

> >

> > In a message dated 1/6/2008 8:10:18 AM Central

> Standard Time,

> > emsyfay@... writes:

> >

> > Hey all!

> > So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's

> husband) this morning that is

> > making me

> > start to wonder if we should be beginning to look

> at a NH for grandma. Bob

> > is not

> > sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma

> getting up in the night and

> > falling. I've offered

> > to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling

> (knowing Bob) that even if

> > I'm here he will

> > still get up if she does. Grandma is still not

> eating well (we discovered

> > she has gone from

> > 112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is

> having more toilet accidents,

> > she is refusing

> > to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we

> don't directly make her

> > use it she NEVER

> > uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3

> years worth of long term care

> > insurance but

> > when do we know its time to start using it? What

> if we start soon and after

> > 3 years she is

> > still kicking?!? What could they do differently

> in a NH that we aren't

> > doing here besides 24

> > hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if

> she continues eating

> > poorly that a

> > feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This

> idea stems from the fact

> > that every time

> > she has had an IV in the last year and a half we

> have to be constantly

> > vigilant to stop her

> > from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting

> whenever she has one since

> > the more you

> > ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES

> mess with it to the point

> > that we have

> > to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets

> more and more angry every

> > minute. Is a

> > longer life with a feeding tube worth the

> unhappiness it would most likely

> > cause?

> > What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty

> clear in her living will that

> > she wanted to

> > stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy

> the care insurance so she

> > obviously knew

> > that she might need it someday. Does that mean

> she would be ok with it or

> > was it meant

> > as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

> > At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some

> kind of relief soon I'll

> > be taking care of 2

> > people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she

> is home he will sacrifice

> > himself to care

> > for her no matter how much I try to help.

> > Such a weird decision to have to make...

> > What do you all think?

> > Emma

> >

> > Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

> >

> > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways

> to stay in shape.

> >

>

http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

> >

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

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January 6, 2008

I especially perked up when you asked about " how long does this go

on? " .

Us, too. You don't want to run out of care, but you also don't want

Bob run himself into the ground either.

If grandma goes to a nursing does she qualify? Lewy Body alone was

not enough in our case. we could get 100 days and then have to be

out a while and then could go back. The doctor has to say she needs

it, and are you there yet?

Millie was still too strong and aggressive for assisted living and

way too robust for a nursing home. Once again, if we find ourselves

at the end of our ropes, does the doctor agree.

Maybe a short stay in a nursing home to build her back up, if that is

what you want to do, is in order. Bob could use a couple of weeks of

good sleep, and they could see if they could get her to eat in a more

social environment.

If your Mom understands it is a temporary respite for Bob, what could

she say? He could visit all he wants in the daylight hours and sleep

soundly at home. Grandma would be evaluated and you guys could gain

some perspective. You are still a caregiver and overseer while they

are in a nursing home.

You guys need the break, and if grandma would rally in a different

setting, it is worth the time and effort.

We know one good respiratory infection will probably take Millie out.

We let her run her own show as much as possible. What does grandma

think, or is she even aware enough to know the difference?

If she continues to lose weight, she won't make it three years.

I liked the idea of the nursing home on weekdays, and at home on the

weekends.

Call some nursing homes and ask what the criteria is.

They want to get paid by medicare, so they do know the rules.

It might be good to get some nursing home experience before you

really have no choice in the matter.

Mille was in a nursing home for about a month, and assisted living

about 6 weeks, and I got a snoot full of education.

You can compare grandma to the others and judge for yourself very

quickly if you waited too long.

Better you be proactive, even if you don't need their services, than

to be thrown in the first available bed, like it, or not.

Maybe your doctor thinks a nursing home is long overdue, and that Bob

has been indicating it was not time yet.

Maybe you get look for a job in one of the homes and then everybody

would be happy. Just a thought.

Hope I helped!

Carol

> > >

> > > Oh my, another dear friend, Emma, with a problem.

> > Dear, I am going to

> > > eagerly wait for someone that has been there to

> > answer your question. I have asked

> > > myself the same question several times.

> > >

> > > I believe it's when a caregiver can no longer

> > handle the situation for

> > > whatever reason. Or, when the LO is becoming a

> > danger to her/himself. Or, wrecking

> > > a caregiver's health then action has to be taken.

> > Only the Caregiver can

> > > decide this.

> > >

> > > I have told Don that as much as I love him, if he

> > becomes violent, I will

> > > have to find a place for him.

> > >

> > > What about Bob? What is happening to his health?

> > What does the Doctor say?

> > > There are so many variables, which don't apply to

> > everyone.

> > >

> > > I will be glad to hear what others have to say on

> > this.

> > >

> > > Love so much dear one,

> > > Imogene

> > >

> > > In a message dated 1/6/2008 8:10:18 AM Central

> > Standard Time,

> > > emsyfay@ writes:

> > >

> > > Hey all!

> > > So I had a conversation with Bob (grandma's

> > husband) this morning that is

> > > making me

> > > start to wonder if we should be beginning to look

> > at a NH for grandma. Bob

> > > is not

> > > sleeping hardly at all for fear of Grandma

> > getting up in the night and

> > > falling. I've offered

> > > to sleep upstairs sometimes but have a feeling

> > (knowing Bob) that even if

> > > I'm here he will

> > > still get up if she does. Grandma is still not

> > eating well (we discovered

> > > she has gone from

> > > 112lbs to 104lbs in the last 2 months), she is

> > having more toilet accidents,

> > > she is refusing

> > > to shower or brush her teeth most days, and if we

> > don't directly make her

> > > use it she NEVER

> > > uses her walker (BIG safety risk). She has 3

> > years worth of long term care

> > > insurance but

> > > when do we know its time to start using it? What

> > if we start soon and after

> > > 3 years she is

> > > still kicking?!? What could they do differently

> > in a NH that we aren't

> > > doing here besides 24

> > > hour supervision? We've (mostly) decided that if

> > she continues eating

> > > poorly that a

> > > feeding tube is probably not a good idea. This

> > idea stems from the fact

> > > that every time

> > > she has had an IV in the last year and a half we

> > have to be constantly

> > > vigilant to stop her

> > > from pulling it out. It causes constant fighting

> > whenever she has one since

> > > the more you

> > > ask her to stop messing with it the more she DOES

> > mess with it to the point

> > > that we have

> > > to hold her hand to stop her and she just gets

> > more and more angry every

> > > minute. Is a

> > > longer life with a feeding tube worth the

> > unhappiness it would most likely

> > > cause?

> > > What makes it worse is that Grandma was pretty

> > clear in her living will that

> > > she wanted to

> > > stay at home if at all possible but she DID buy

> > the care insurance so she

> > > obviously knew

> > > that she might need it someday. Does that mean

> > she would be ok with it or

> > > was it meant

> > > as an absolute last resort? THAT is not clear.

> > > At this point I worry that if Bob doesn't get some

> > kind of relief soon I'll

> > > be taking care of 2

> > > people and not 1. I'm afraid that as long as she

> > is home he will sacrifice

> > > himself to care

> > > for her no matter how much I try to help.

> > > Such a weird decision to have to make...

> > > What do you all think?

> > > Emma

> > >

> > > Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

> > >

> > > **************Start the year off right. Easy ways

> > to stay in shape.

> > >

> >

> http://body.aol.com/fitness/winter-exercise?

NCID=aolcmp00300000002489

> > >

> > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> > >

> >

>

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January 6, 2008

hi emma

i'm sorry it is soooo el stinko for you just now ---

wish i had some advice.