Re: Holly - New to the group

[Guest guest]

Welcome Holly.

I appreciate your concern for your man. Shows what a huge heart you have.

Does your man have any family around at all? Or do you have any family that

would be willing to help out a bit? Possibly you and your man could take

turns with his loved one. That would give both of you a break.

Caregiving can take a toll on a persons physical and mental health. It is

crucial to get help from outside whether through a church, neighbors,

somewhere else before it gets the best of your man.

Thank you for writing and for caring so much about your man to reach out-

Warm hugs-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed away from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

mum, Jo, (MIL) passed away from LBD 4-29-07, age 78

-- New to the group

Hi to everyone, my name is Holly and I'm new to the group. I've heard

such great things about this group and I am seeking some advice. My

situation is a bit different thou, I am not a direct caregiver. I

have fallen in love with someone who is a caregiver. Someone that

spends all day, every day in the same four walls. He receives no help

from friends or family, just me and most of the time I don't know what

I can do. I always feel so helpless. We talk about LBD from time to

time, but he mostly talks with all of you, and I am ok with that. In

fact, I am thankful for this group and giving him other people that

can relate to him better than I. But what really concerns me is him

and his condition. While he says he isn't stressed out, the stress is

taking its toll physically on him. All sorts of things are started to

go wrong or pop up. I think he feels no one understands him (excluding

the group). That he is going stir crazy being inside all day, every

day. He gets no relief, so he can't get out at all. I even feel that

he doesn't think I understand. I feel I do understand, I just don't

go thru the same exact experiences he does. I have the freedom to

come and go. And I don't know how I can help him. When I can, I help

with his loved one, or I will help with house work. But my main

concern is for him. He is the love of my life and I want to spend the

rest of my life with him. I'm just afraid that there may be nothing

left of him by the time this is over. In a couple of years, I may

have to be his caregiver. What can I do to help him? Thank you Holly

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Sandie, thank you so much for your response. The friends and family avenue has

already been driven. No one will help, no one wants the responsibility. I

would love to take turns caregiving, but I'm rather new to the home and while

I've done nothing but try to help or do good deeds, the loved one doesn't trust

me enough to do certain things, ie...meds, baths or showers, getting dressed or

undressed or restroom breaks. All I'm good for is cleaning the house or holding

a conversation. Sometimes I feel so useless and that maybe I'm more in the way

than beneficial. But this person that I have fallen in love with, has become

the love of my life. I'd do anything possible for him and his loved one. But

it seems that on a weekly basis, something new is affecting his health. It

scares me to no end.

New to the group

Hi to everyone, my name is Holly and I'm new to the group. I've heard

such great things about this group and I am seeking some advice. My

situation is a bit different thou, I am not a direct caregiver. I

have fallen in love with someone who is a caregiver. Someone that

spends all day, every day in the same four walls. He receives no help

from friends or family, just me and most of the time I don't know what

I can do. I always feel so helpless. We talk about LBD from time to

time, but he mostly talks with all of you, and I am ok with that. In

fact, I am thankful for this group and giving him other people that

can relate to him better than I. But what really concerns me is him

and his condition. While he says he isn't stressed out, the stress is

taking its toll physically on him. All sorts of things are started to

go wrong or pop up. I think he feels no one understands him (excluding

the group). That he is going stir crazy being inside all day, every

day. He gets no relief, so he can't get out at all. I even feel that

he doesn't think I understand. I feel I do understand, I just don't

go thru the same exact experiences he does. I have the freedom to

come and go. And I don't know how I can help him. When I can, I help

with his loved one, or I will help with house work. But my main

concern is for him. He is the love of my life and I want to spend the

rest of my life with him. I'm just afraid that there may be nothing

left of him by the time this is over. In a couple of years, I may

have to be his caregiver. What can I do to help him? Thank you Holly

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Holly,

Your friend is very lucky to have found such a caring person in you. Just your

being in the

house with his lo so he can get out for an hour or 2 at a time is very

beneficial. However,

the 2 of you will definitely need to be able to get out together as well to help

the

relationship grow and blossom in a more natural way. It is imperative that for

the mental

health of you both that at least a 3rd party help put a plan together, someone

paid or

volunteer, they are out there. I love that your friend has someone so caring in

you,

concerned about him as a caregiver. That support in itself will help him.

>

> Sandie, thank you so much for your response. The friends and family avenue

has

already been driven. No one will help, no one wants the responsibility. I

would love to

take turns caregiving, but I'm rather new to the home and while I've done

nothing but try

to help or do good deeds, the loved one doesn't trust me enough to do certain

things,

ie...meds, baths or showers, getting dressed or undressed or restroom breaks.

All I'm

good for is cleaning the house or holding a conversation. Sometimes I feel so

useless and

that maybe I'm more in the way than beneficial. But this person that I have

fallen in love

with, has become the love of my life. I'd do anything possible for him and his

loved one.

But it seems that on a weekly basis, something new is affecting his health. It

scares me to

no end.

>

> New to the group

>

>

>

>

>

> Hi to everyone, my name is Holly and I'm new to the group. I've heard

>

>

> such great things about this group and I am seeking some advice. My

>

>

> situation is a bit different thou, I am not a direct caregiver. I

>

>

> have fallen in love with someone who is a caregiver. Someone that

>

>

> spends all day, every day in the same four walls. He receives no help

>

>

> from friends or family, just me and most of the time I don't know what

>

>

> I can do. I always feel so helpless. We talk about LBD from time to

>

>

> time, but he mostly talks with all of you, and I am ok with that. In

>

>

> fact, I am thankful for this group and giving him other people that

>

>

> can relate to him better than I. But what really concerns me is him

>

>

> and his condition. While he says he isn't stressed out, the stress is

>

>

> taking its toll physically on him. All sorts of things are started to

>

>

> go wrong or pop up. I think he feels no one understands him (excluding

>

>

> the group). That he is going stir crazy being inside all day, every

>

>

> day. He gets no relief, so he can't get out at all. I even feel that

>

>

> he doesn't think I understand. I feel I do understand, I just don't

>

>

> go thru the same exact experiences he does. I have the freedom to

>

>

> come and go. And I don't know how I can help him. When I can, I help

>

>

> with his loved one, or I will help with house work. But my main

>

>

> concern is for him. He is the love of my life and I want to spend the

>

>

> rest of my life with him. I'm just afraid that there may be nothing

>

>

> left of him by the time this is over. In a couple of years, I may

>

>

> have to be his caregiver. What can I do to help him? Thank you Holly

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Holly, Hello and welcome.Youll find lots of wonderful people here.Holly, My

advice may not be what you looking for because to tell the truth my situation is

much more like your mans than it is yours.So speaking from a different point of

view, I should just say, maybe just your friendship when he needs it the most is

what the best thing you could give him is.I would think that that is the best

gift one in this situation could receive.No one holds a gun to any of our heads

and makes us be a caregiver.He is probably doing it because he loves the person

deeply.And probably chooses not to have it any other way.He would probably be

doing it wether he and you were together or not and it can be a very long lonely

road.So I say your friendship and love is the best thing he could receive and

that Im sure its more than. enough.

Sorry if this is different than what you wanted to hear but this is just my

oppinion.welcome to the group and my best to you Ron

Holly wrote:

Sandie, thank you so much for your response. The friends and family

avenue has already been driven. No one will help, no one wants the

responsibility. I would love to take turns caregiving, but I'm rather new to the

home and while I've done nothing but try to help or do good deeds, the loved one

doesn't trust me enough to do certain things, ie...meds, baths or showers,

getting dressed or undressed or restroom breaks. All I'm good for is cleaning

the house or holding a conversation. Sometimes I feel so useless and that maybe

I'm more in the way than beneficial. But this person that I have fallen in love

with, has become the love of my life. I'd do anything possible for him and his

loved one. But it seems that on a weekly basis, something new is affecting his

health. It scares me to no end.

New to the group

Hi to everyone, my name is Holly and I'm new to the group. I've heard

such great things about this group and I am seeking some advice. My

situation is a bit different thou, I am not a direct caregiver. I

have fallen in love with someone who is a caregiver. Someone that

spends all day, every day in the same four walls. He receives no help

from friends or family, just me and most of the time I don't know what

I can do. I always feel so helpless. We talk about LBD from time to

time, but he mostly talks with all of you, and I am ok with that. In

fact, I am thankful for this group and giving him other people that

can relate to him better than I. But what really concerns me is him

and his condition. While he says he isn't stressed out, the stress is

taking its toll physically on him. All sorts of things are started to

go wrong or pop up. I think he feels no one understands him (excluding

the group). That he is going stir crazy being inside all day, every

day. He gets no relief, so he can't get out at all. I even feel that

he doesn't think I understand. I feel I do understand, I just don't

go thru the same exact experiences he does. I have the freedom to

come and go. And I don't know how I can help him. When I can, I help

with his loved one, or I will help with house work. But my main

concern is for him. He is the love of my life and I want to spend the

rest of my life with him. I'm just afraid that there may be nothing

left of him by the time this is over. In a couple of years, I may

have to be his caregiver. What can I do to help him? Thank you Holly

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

, thanks for your response, but somewhere some lines must have gotten

crossed. He isn't getting out at all. I don't give him an hour or 2 break

because of trust issues. He trusts me, but his loved one does not or should I

say that they just aren't comfortable with me and maybe they never will be. I

would love to share the responsibilities of caregiving, but it all falls on his

shoulders. I'm not allowed to help with things like getting dressed, meds,

bathroom breaks or baths. I'm only good for cleaning, running errands and

conversations, doesn't seem like much to me. I feel very useless and don't know

if I'm that beneficial for him or more in his way. I can't change that right

now and I don't know what to do.

[Guest guest]

Holly-

Maybe then having you come here is the best way you can help

now and being there for your loved one. I am sure he is

caregiving because he wants to help out and give back

some of the care he received.

If there is anything I can do, please let me know. You can

write to me personally or even to the group for any more

advice or help you may need.

Has your dear man been to a doctor? Since you have given

conversation then he could get to a doctor while you sit with

his loved one. At least this would give him some time out

and good quality health time out. We have said many times

here in this group that one needs to take care of the caregiver

before we can care give. It is crucial.

Sending along hugs-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed away from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

mum, Jo, (MIL) passed away from LBD 4-29-07, age 78

-- Re: Holly - New to the group

Sandie, thank you so much for your response. The friends and family avenue

has already been driven. No one will help, no one wants the responsibility.

I would love to take turns caregiving, but I'm rather new to the home and

while I've done nothing but try to help or do good deeds, the loved one

doesn't trust me enough to do certain things, ie...meds, baths or showers,

getting dressed or undressed or restroom breaks. All I'm good for is

cleaning the house or holding a conversation. Sometimes I feel so useless

and that maybe I'm more in the way than beneficial. But this person that I

have fallen in love with, has become the love of my life. I'd do anything

possible for him and his loved one. But it seems that on a weekly basis,

something new is affecting his health. It scares me to no end.

New to the group

Hi to everyone, my name is Holly and I'm new to the group. I've heard

such great things about this group and I am seeking some advice. My

situation is a bit different thou, I am not a direct caregiver. I

have fallen in love with someone who is a caregiver. Someone that

spends all day, every day in the same four walls. He receives no help

from friends or family, just me and most of the time I don't know what

I can do. I always feel so helpless. We talk about LBD from time to

time, but he mostly talks with all of you, and I am ok with that. In

fact, I am thankful for this group and giving him other people that

can relate to him better than I. But what really concerns me is him

and his condition. While he says he isn't stressed out, the stress is

taking its toll physically on him. All sorts of things are started to

go wrong or pop up. I think he feels no one understands him (excluding

the group). That he is going stir crazy being inside all day, every

day. He gets no relief, so he can't get out at all. I even feel that

he doesn't think I understand. I feel I do understand, I just don't

go thru the same exact experiences he does. I have the freedom to

come and go. And I don't know how I can help him. When I can, I help

with his loved one, or I will help with house work. But my main

concern is for him. He is the love of my life and I want to spend the

rest of my life with him. I'm just afraid that there may be nothing

left of him by the time this is over. In a couple of years, I may

have to be his caregiver. What can I do to help him? Thank you Holly

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Sandie, thanks so much for your kind words. This is day one with the group and

the support is amazing. Maybe in the near future I will write to you

personally? Would a personal letter be sent to your sanclown address? Thank

you. Holly

[Guest guest]

Holly, just to be a body present in the house even while lo naps, or while they

watch tv, to

allow your friend to get out of the house knowing lo is safe should help. If lo

needs to use the

washroom and you are the only one there, perhaps that is as much as you need to

get into.

At that time trust is not the issue so much as need! Many here use volunteers,

support

systems, this way to allow them the freedom to get out once in a while.

>

> , thanks for your response, but somewhere some lines must have gotten

crossed. He

isn't getting out at all. I don't give him an hour or 2 break because of trust

issues. He trusts

me, but his loved one does not or should I say that they just aren't comfortable

with me and

maybe they never will be. I would love to share the responsibilities of

caregiving, but it all

falls on his shoulders. I'm not allowed to help with things like getting

dressed, meds,

bathroom breaks or baths. I'm only good for cleaning, running errands and

conversations,

doesn't seem like much to me. I feel very useless and don't know if I'm that

beneficial for

him or more in his way. I can't change that right now and I don't know what to

do.

>

[Guest guest]

Holly-

Yes, send to the sanclown address. May I ask where you live? There may be

support group or help in your area for your dear man. is wonderful

at looking that up for everyone.

More hugs-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed away from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

mum, Jo, (MIL) passed away from LBD 4-29-07, age 78

-- Re: Holly - New to the group

Sandie, thanks so much for your kind words. This is day one with the group

and the support is amazing. Maybe in the near future I will write to you

personally? Would a personal letter be sent to your sanclown address?

Thank you. Holly

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Holly,

When my daughter couldn't help because she was busy with her family, she would

talk to me by phone. Just her being able to listen as I vented helped to

relieve lots of stress. Just to have someone on the other end of the phone was

so welcome.

You don't know what a help you are just to be there.

Hugs,

Donna R

Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and 4th year in

a nh.

She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.

Re: Re: Holly - New to the group

, thanks for your response, but somewhere some lines must have gotten

crossed. He isn't getting out at all. I don't give him an hour or 2 break

because of trust issues. He trusts me, but his loved one does not or should I

say that they just aren't comfortable with me and maybe they never will be. I

would love to share the responsibilities of caregiving, but it all falls on his

shoulders. I'm not allowed to help with things like getting dressed, meds,

bathroom breaks or baths. I'm only good for cleaning, running errands and

conversations, doesn't seem like much to me. I feel very useless and don't know

if I'm that beneficial for him or more in his way. I can't change that right

now and I don't know what to do.

[Guest guest]

Thank you Donna

>

> Holly,

>

> When my daughter couldn't help because she was busy with her family,

she would talk to me by phone. Just her being able to listen as I

vented helped to relieve lots of stress. Just to have someone on the

other end of the phone was so welcome.

>

> You don't know what a help you are just to be there.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Donna R

>

>

> Caregave for Mom (after I brought her from WI to MI) for 3 years and

4th year in a nh.

> She was almost 89 when she died in '02. No dx other than mine.