Guest guest Posted January 5, 2008 Report Share Posted January 5, 2008 Courage, I am so sorry you are ill. Pneumonia can take so much out of you. I hope you get better before it gets worse! How I remember the bravery it took for you to even be there for your father as he was dying. You did it, you were there for him, not to diagnose and take care of his medical needs. That was the job of the medical team and it sounds like they are the ones who let him down, if anyone did. Perhaps the best of care would have resulted in the same pressure sores with his diabetes. You will never know, so get rid of the what ifs. You did what a loving caring daughter should do, loved him to the end and let him know he was not alone. How clever we would be if we could come into this world with the wisdom gleaned by life experiences. We don't, and without the education to know what to watch for, how to deal with situations, we learn through experience. You have learned of some of the complications of dying, were never expected to go into that situation with the knowledge you have now. It will enable you to be there more informed for your mother, or anyone else you may need to accompany through the end. Please rest knowing you did what you could and that your father knew you were there for him. > > Hi All, > > I am having such a rough night of it. Since the first day of the new year I have come down with an upper respiritory infection that is threatening to turn to pneumonia. My wheezing/rasping/gasping early this morning is what actually woke me up because it sounded so much like the noise my dad was making before he died. > > I just cried my eyes out then and there thinking about how much pain he must must have been in those three days he was in the hospital with pneumonia. > > Why didn't I question his having pneumonia or insisting that he have a complete check up? He started slowing down for about 2 months before he died and his colour was awful. Where was my head? > > Why didn't I check to see if he was being given pain meds during his stay when I have asked people on this list to make sure their LO's get pain meds whenever they get pneumonia? > > Why didn't I realize that the mattress on those bed/strechers they bring people in from the ambulance wasn't good for dad and that's why he developed bed sores on his buttocks and on the balls of his feet? He had diabetes and any open sore is dangerous. > > Why didn't I go out in the hall and scream bloody blue murder until they found him a bed instead of just accepting that there wasn't one or at least a special pillow for his back? > > Why didn't I realize that he even had sores on his buttocks and the balls of his feet? I just figured he was complaining of pain because he had to stay laying in bed for 3 days. > > Why didn't I insist that the nurses at the NH keep his bandages changed and fresh? Why didn't I check up on that? Where was my follow up? When I looked at his feet after he died and took off those whacky space boots on his feet his bandages looked so dried out with blood, why didn't I pay attention? I'm almost positive that this is what caused the sepsis that eventually killed him. > > Since dad died I really haven't been too hard on myself with the " what ifs " and " if onlys " because dad was never very much satisfied with anything in the last few years of his life and he only let you do so much for him but I feel like I let him down. I feel like he would still be with us today if I had paid more attention to him. Yes, I stayed with him as much as I could but that wasn't enough - I should have done more. The tears have been flowing fast and furious these last few days. I just feel so very bad about what I failed to do for dad. I feel so sad for my father. > Courage > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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