Travel Stress and big life changes stresses - please help!

[Guest guest]

Hiya, just bumping this up, as we're still struggling re stress and anxiety

management. Jon has interview in Mid March and it's really getting to him. I

have him doing positive replacement thinking, and positive visualisation,

meditation (he's not good making time for this) and I have taken over all his

household responsibilities to free him up, but he's still getting overwhelmed by

panic and anxiety.

It's really intense at the moment! Heeeelp! Please?

Thanks guys.

>

> Ok, a quick update, my last post was about finding out about my being Bipolar,

and things are progressing, I have had to go on different medications, which has

been quite unpleasant, as it's a 'suck it and see' kind of approach and some

clearly were bad for me, but seeming to settle on something suitable, it's early

days.

>

> Jon, the aspie influence for us has applied for a job in Germany. Well I'm

very proud to say he has been selected for interview in about one month.

>

> We went to the German city we're hoping to move to this last weekend, and I

became aware at how bad Jon is at travelling. I knew he struggles with driving,

becoming very frustrated, but this travelling was hell, he got so angry and

unpleasant to be with when getting the flights out. Even though it was really

simple and plain sailing, apart from about 40 mins hold up on return, but we

didn't have any time pressures for the rest of the day so to my own mind 'why

worry'.

>

> We have made contracts with eachother, that we would do our level best to

listen when the other tells us we are not doing so well. In my case it's if I

go hyper or depressed, Jon normally notices this before I do, so I have agreed

to respect his word and act on it, seeking support asap. In his case when he

starts getting moody (Like a spoilt teenager) that he will listen when I tell

him he is doing it, and pause and reflect and tell me his feelings or what is

behind it. This is because it often comes accross as though he is trying to

punish me for something. There's a lot more to it that I won't go into here,

but basically he did this on the way out and on the way back from Germany,

turned it all into a nightmare, and it put a bad taste on an otherwise fantastic

time out there. It's like he's going into a mild meltdown, and I can't get him

to just stop and think, and stop just acting like a front lobal toddler having a

freak out tantrum.

>

> I am sorry my dear Aspies, and spectrum people here, it probably sounds like I

am having a rant, and perhaps I am a bit, because it does affect me quite

strongly, and it's hard to step aside, especially when you can't get your

partner to take responsibility for himself and his behaviour, when in a public

place. He seems to turn into an ignorant obnoxious idiot, and frankly I know

for sure that's not who he really is, so how on earth do I begin to help him

manage it. He seems at a loss himself, and so am I. I want to help but short

of whacking him over the head with something, I don't know how to 'wake him up'

when he's being like this, because he simply will not listen to me. Then

afterwards, he says I didn't say anything, and I have to try to justify myself,

running through what I said and when, because he seems to think I am lying.

Actually he's been quite honest that he doesn't believe me when I say I am not

up to something, if my mental health is taking a toll, because he will just

carry on through the mild depression and anxiety he experiences. I have had to

explain so many times that it is very different what I am going through, and at

times quite disabling (which drives me nuts, as I try to push myself.)

>

> Also, in the job application process, as it's quite a high level job and he

does need to study for the interview, I have tried to say to him that he's got

to start doing some work for the last 2 months, but he just makes excuses. I

don't want to nag him, and turn into his mother, as he needs to do it for

himself, although I am very willing to make life as easy as I can for him to

facilitat this and 'make room' timewise by taking on his exstensive list of

chores. He's finding it hard to let go, worrying that these chores aren't

getting done. Also, he's very all or nothing with the study, going at it full

steam one night and exhausting himself, then the next night, very little, if

anything. I have said it's better to do a little and often, but he's getting so

worked up about things, he's not listening.

>

> Does anyone have any advice, because I can show him this post and he will take

the advice seriously when it comes from other people, not from me. I have

suggested things like doing the guided meditations and breaking work up into

smaller chunks, and spending time to think and talk about how he is feeling.

But frankly I am scared as he doesn't seem to be able to 'hear' me, and we've

got months of this coming up if we are going to move to Germany.

>

> Thanks in anticipation! You lot are such a valuable resource for us!

>

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