Marriage therapy: recommended approaches?

March 27, 2012

For relationships w/ one AS person and one NT person, has anyone found a type of

marriage counseling that has proven to be effective? My husband and I have

tried 3 different LICSWs for marriage counseling, and none have been

particularly helpful. (One guy was using Internal Family Systems, one lady was

using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I really couldn't tell what the other

guy was using--seemed like a lot of well-intended, yet ultimately ineffective,

talking and hand-holding.)

So, we have not found any therapy so far to be useful. " We " have been

struggling for years with seemingly basic things like why my husband doesn't

return my phone calls when I've indicated that I really need to talk to him, or

why my husband shows up 2 hours late for date-night without having bothered to

let me know he was running late. (These are behavioral things that seem like

they really shouldn't be that hard to change -- but 8 years later, here I sit,

seeing the same disrespectful behavior again and again and again. Am I a fool

to think this can change? I even initiated a separation at one point, but that

really didn't result in the type of long-term change I would have hoped to see.

Maybe we are beyond hope; I guess I just keep hoping that some sound counseling

might help.)

Does anyone have constructive input on this -- such as a specific type of

therapy that worked, or a particular type of professional to be recommended

(such as a clinical neuropsychologist or something else)?

Thank you.

March 27, 2012

Hello!I feel like I've finally found someone that can relate to what I've been experiencing. I'm not married yet but engaged to a man on the low end of the autistic scale with admitted aspie traits. I've convinced him that it would greatly benefit both of us to talk to a professional but I think he's only going through the motions. "oh, you're right" " oh, I'm sorry" or " or I'll work on it" are so common to hear anymore. I really think he believes he's correct in his thinking and it's, as he says, my hormones. I find myself crying because I don't think I'm strong enough but yet believe he's worth it. I just wanted to say that I understand your frustration. JaciSent from my iPad

For relationships w/ one AS person and one NT person, has anyone found a type of marriage counseling that has proven to be effective? My husband and I have tried 3 different LICSWs for marriage counseling, and none have been particularly helpful. (One guy was using Internal Family Systems, one lady was using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I really couldn't tell what the other guy was using--seemed like a lot of well-intended, yet ultimately ineffective, talking and hand-holding.)

So, we have not found any therapy so far to be useful. "We" have been struggling for years with seemingly basic things like why my husband doesn't return my phone calls when I've indicated that I really need to talk to him, or why my husband shows up 2 hours late for date-night without having bothered to let me know he was running late. (These are behavioral things that seem like they really shouldn't be that hard to change -- but 8 years later, here I sit, seeing the same disrespectful behavior again and again and again. Am I a fool to think this can change? I even initiated a separation at one point, but that really didn't result in the type of long-term change I would have hoped to see. Maybe we are beyond hope; I guess I just keep hoping that some sound counseling might help.)

Does anyone have constructive input on this -- such as a specific type of therapy that worked, or a particular type of professional to be recommended (such as a clinical neuropsychologist or something else)?

Thank you.

=

March 27, 2012

Hello! I'm an NT/ADHD American married almost 2 years to an AS Frenchman, and

we tried lots of different counselors, even abuse classes for both of us, but it

just seemed like it was somehow missing the mark as to what was at the heart of

our issues. How could we love each other like crazy but have such strange,

destructive, confusing arguments and fights? Once my husband was diagnosed, we

began seeing a counselor who specializes in Asperger's syndrome. And it has

been extremely helpful. Any counselor who specializes in Asperger's syndrome

would most likely also be familiar with NT psychology as well, so that is what I

would wholeheartedly recommend as an avenue to pursue. Find a

counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist who specializes in Asperger's Syndrome and

who will also do couple's counseling.

I have also been reading TONS of books that deal with the subject of AS/NT

partnerships and those are immeasurably valuable as well. Some suggested titles

that have been great so far have been " Asperger's Syndrome-A Love Story " , " The

Asperger Couple's Workbook " , " 22 Things a Woman Must Know if She Loves a Man

With Asperger's Syndrome " , " Alone Together " , and " Asperger's in Love " . You can

also search other titles on Amazon. For my own peace of mind I have greatly

benefitted from reading these books, but as I have applied the principles and

ideas and psychology from the books as well, our marriage has been transformed.

And my husband has noticed the difference, for sure, and that in turn gives

credence to the fact that he does indeed have Asperger's Syndrome, and that he

is hard to deal with in certain ways. He is more willing to take responsibility

for his part now. I often report to him the things that I am reading that so

exactly describe him. And he can't deny it, because it is right on target! He

doesn't mind, because it is fact-based evidence, which the Aspie brain

LOVES!!!!! And he can't dismiss it as just more of my overly emotional feminine

hysteria. (trust me I am at the most overly emotional end of the female spectrum

so if I can find hope, healing, and sanity with my AS love, I believe anyone

can!!!)

Good luck!!!

>

> For relationships w/ one AS person and one NT person, has anyone found a type

of marriage counseling that has proven to be effective? My husband and I have

tried 3 different LICSWs for marriage counseling, and none have been

particularly helpful. (One guy was using Internal Family Systems, one lady was

using Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and I really couldn't tell what the other

guy was using--seemed like a lot of well-intended, yet ultimately ineffective,

talking and hand-holding.)

>

> So, we have not found any therapy so far to be useful. " We " have been