Re: Re: he should show me he cares about me

[Guest guest]

Dear Pip,

Am 16.01.2008 um 01:47 schrieb pip galea:

> THANKS ALEXANDER REPLIES BELOW IN CAPS

You are welcome.

> PIPXX

>

> Re: he should show me he cares about me

> Posted by: " Völz " olli_26@... olli_26

>

> Mon Jan 14, 2008 7:06 am (PST)

> Dear Pip,

>

> Am 14.01.2008 um 04:03 schrieb pip galea:

>

>> I need him to show me he cares about me

>>

>> 1, yes

> So, what is your proof?

> I DON'T HAVE ANY, HE'S NOT HERE NOW, I'M HERE ALONE,

> STILL BREATHING

And right now you don't believe he should show you that he cares about

you.

So, when you believe the thought? What is your proof, then?

> I hear it's not what he's doing, and I hear you don't

> need it.

>

> What does " need " mean?

> TO HAVE TO HAVE IT, CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT,

Oh... Well, you live, don't you?

What will happen, if you never got it?

> Like: I need something if I can't do what I am

> supposed to do without

> it. What is it you are supposed to do?

>

> You are doing already everything you should be doing.

>

>> 2, no and i can't know it would be best for my path

>> if he did show me he cared about me

> How did this change of mind happen?

> I SAW THAT I WAS REALLY OK IN THE MOMENT , JUST

> SITTING THERE TYPING AND HE WASN'T IN THE ROOM

Good discovery!

>> 3, I feel a tightness in my belly, I feel shut down

>> and contracted. I feel alot of energy in my head

>> like

>> it's spinning. I notice my thoughts trying to work

>> out

>> what's going on in his head,

> what does it matter? You can't work out what's going

> on in *your* head

> in the first place.

> HAHAHA HA NICE POINT

>

>> It goes to the past and

>> collects all the evidence that he doesn't care, I

>> try

>> and manipulate ways in order to get him to connect

>> with me,

> and how connecting to where *he* is in the moment does

> that feel?

> NOT VERY CONNECTING

So you could starting on that one. Connect with him, when you think he

should connect with you. When you got over that, you can teach him.

And you may not need to, anymore.

We tend to be attracted to people who can connect where we are at.

>> I try and get him to have cups of tea with me

>> or eat lunch so that we can connect with each other.

> Yep. Rip him out of his life so that he can connect

> with *you*.

>

>> sometime I go out to the hot tub and wait to see if

>> he

>> comes and gets in it with me and if he doesn't I

>> make

>> that mean that he doesn't care about me. it goes to

>> a

>> future where it appears that he's having sex with

>> other women and that means he doesn't care about me.

>> and never did.

> You are too busy waiting in the hot tub, anyway! ;-)

>

>> by holding this belief i believe i can make him show

>> me he cares for me

> who's business is it whom you care for?

> MINE

>

> And who's business is it whom he cares for?

> HIS

Good, you got that clear.

>> , I feel desperate for his

>> attention, i look for ways to get it and when that

>> doesn't work i see all the ways he doesn't care

>> about

>> me so i set myself up.. Like a test so prove that he

>> doesn't love me..

> and instead you prove, that ... who doesn't love you?

> ME

Good to know, isn't it? So be a student on how to love yourself. And

when you get it, you can teach others.

You always come first.

>> this thought brings me aot of stress because i'm

>> constantly in his business looking at how he's not

>> showing me he cares.

> Good you found that.

>

>> i think i'll get evidence of his love and then i'll

>> feel secure.

> Right. Until you want to get *new* evidence. Since, he

> *did* care, but what about *now*?

>

> So, when will this be over? When will you know for

> sure?

> YES I DON'T KNOW, WE STILL LIVE IN THE SAME

> HOUSE, WE STILL HANG OUT SOMETIMES , NOW HE'S NOT HERE

> OTHER THAN IN MY MIND , HE MIGHT BE BACK LATER, I

> DON'T KNOW.

So he LIVES with you! Although you don't connect with him, you do your

emotional tricks on him, like waiting in the bath tub... don't you

think he knows you are waiting?

And he's still there, totally connected to what he wants.

So ultimately this is just about feeling secure. And since you can't

give you security, you say it's *his* job.

Well, you may want to take care of that yourself.

>> a peaceful reason to drop this belief would be that

>> i

>> would not be looking and analysing his business in

>> order t find my self worth.

> Well, maybe you wouldn't get to be in the hot tub that

> often... ;-)

>

>> 4, without this thought, i'd be noticing my breath,

>> looking at a man sitting on a chair, i would notice

>> his eyes and how they catch the light sometimes and

>> shimmer, i would notice his mouth and how attractive

>> i

>> find it, i would smile and be happy and say hello

>> withiout expecting a hello back, i would say hello

>> and

>> be happy because it makes me happy to be like that.

>> I

>> would stay on my business

> sounds caring.

>

>> and if he doesn't smile and

>> look like he wants to talk to me , i might see

>> someone

>> who doesn't feel like connecting with me in that

>> moment and be ok with that . I would feel liberated

>> and free, I would go and get n the hot tub because I

>> enjoy being in there and if he didn't come i would

>> see

>> it gives me more of a chance to have time to myself

>> and to love and nurture myself.

> sounds connected

>

>> how would i live my life differently if i couldn't

>> believe that i need shalimar to show me he loves me?

>>

>> i would be totally empowered, i would be living in

>> my

>> own business, looking after myself, possibly not

>> even

>> in any kind of relationship with shalimar, i would

>> be

>> questioning my mind and finding the keys to my own

>> heart, loving myself totally, feeling my own beauty

>> and sweetness and not lacking in any way.. I would

>> be

>> complete . I would be completely peaceful whatever

>> way

>> he was. It wouldn't be personal.

>>

>> T.A

>> I don't need him to show me he cares about me

>> 1, truer, I'm still breathing, I'm still alive, I'm

>> still here.

> isn't that great?

> YES IT'S COMPLETELY LIBERATING

Congrats!

>> 2, it shows me where i still have work to do.

>> 3, because it's helping me care for myself and stay

>> in

>> my own business

>> 4, because if he showed me he cared about me then

>> i'd

>> have what???

> exactly.

>

>> T.A

>> I need me to show me that I care about him

>> 1, yes truer because when i pretend I don't care

>> about

>> him, it only hurts me

>> 2, yes I'm constantly trying to get rid of my caring

>> for him

>> 3, because it feels good for me to make him dinner

>> and

>> ask him how his day is and it would feel good for me

>> to give him space when it appears he wants it. I

>> could

>> even ask him rather than projecting that I know

>> whats

>> on his mind .

>>

>> T.A

>> I need me to show him that I care about him

>> 1, yes because I try and hide my feelings for him

>> and

>> ignore him

>> 2, by giving him space

>> 3, yes sometimes i'm not very good at doing this and

>> i

>>

>> guess that makes us the same.

>>

>> T.A

>> I need me to show me that he cares about me

>> 1, wow thats true i will write a list of the ways he

>> does show me he cares

>> 2, my story is so think i'm not seeing the caring

>> 3, if the universe is a friendly place then him not

>> talking to me and ignoring me could be his way of

>> sparing me ..

>> wow thats interesting .

>>

>> T.A

>> I need me to show me that I care about me

>> 1, I don't care about me when i'm in his business

>> trying to get his care and approval

>> 2, I don't care about myself when I'm trying to get

>> him to be someone who he isn't and i'm in conflict

>> with reality.

>> 3,I don't care about me when I believe I know whats

>> right for my self and reality isn't reflecting that

>> back.

>> 4, I don't care about me when I tell myself Im an

>> idiot for getting involved with him again

>> 5, i don't care about me when i make his being in

>> the

>> hot tub with other women mean that he never cared

>> about me.

>> 6, i don't care about me when i get romantically

>> involved with a man and give my power away to them.

>> 7, i don't care about me when i eat chocolate and

>> know

>> that it will make me feel sick the next day

>>

>> ways i want him to show me he cares

>> 1, to speak to me gently and connect with me for 20

>> mins a day

>> 2, to tell me i'm beautiful and how much i mean to

>> him

>>

>> 3, to hold me and tell me that he values my

>> friendship

>>

>> 4 to make me a candlelite dinner put romantic music

>> on

>> and hold my hand

>> 5, to gaze into my eyes and touch my face gently

>> 6, to call me and ask me if i wanna hang out at the

>> beach.

>> OK things I can do for myself I believe

>>

>> ways he does care for me.

>> 1, he leant me his new truck last week when my car

>> broke down so i could get to work,

>> 2, Sometimes he makes me breakfast or offers me

>> dinner

>>

>> 3, he spares me from his bad mood by not talking to

>> me

>>

>> 4, he spares me from the desire to have sex with him

>> by not getting in the hot tub with me.

>> 5, he continues to allow me to rent a room in his

>> house.

>> 6, he hugs me and snuggles me sometimes

>> 7, we had a lovely heartfelt conversation today.

>> 8, he tells me when i buy a new dress that i look

>> great

>> 9, he tells other people about my work and tells me

>> about possible new clients.

>> 10, he constantly tells me that i'm really beautiful

>> 11, he helped me tow my car out when i got stuck in

>> the gulch

>> 12, he reafirms to me that i can deal with it when i

>> think I can't.

>> 13, he cares about me from sparing me having a

>> relationship with someone who's first priority is

>> finding god and not his partner.

>> 14, he washes up my plates sometimes

>> 15, he dances with me when we go to sweat your

> prayers

>>

>> 16, e holds my hand when we eat dinner together.

>> 17 he tells me alot of his thoughts that he doesn't

>> discuss with other people.

> What a loving man you've got. So many things you found

> in such a short

> time.

>

> Love,

>

> THANKS ALEXANDER..

> XXPIPXX

You are welcome! :-)

Love,