Re: For $125 per hour, we may as well all benefit!

[Guest guest]

Ron,

You said it well

Jayn

in S Ga

In a message dated 1/18/2008 8:40:15 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

dawgg4456@... writes:

Hi Carol,

I was forced to take some counseling early last year and heard many of those

same things.I personally do better at self counseling.I honestly dont feel

like other people around me.I really dont know if its a choice to caregive or

I think its more that something has been put inside me and I honestly feel

like Im the one for a reason.The only way I would feel like Im in danger is to

walk away and do nothing.Im not trying to be controversial or anything but to

me that would be my final nail in my coffin.I feel like Im strong because of

my ability to feel the pain of others not in spite of it..To walk away or

turn my head would feel to me like I sold my soul.Caregiving is nonstop for me

too, and its pressure filled and stressful and it has affected my physical

health some already.But Im not afraid of the dark, Im not afraid of pain or

dying, and Im not afraid to look someone in the eye or look myself in the

eye.We

all probably push ourselves too far but honestly until I feel

like I really think it would feel okay inside to put mom in someone elses

hands (wich I dont even see it happening)I know that hard stressful ,

challenging.like I really think it would feel okay inside to put mom in someone

elses

hands (wich I dont even see it happening)I know that hard stressful ,

challenging.<WBR>...It doesnt matter, because when I do get to sleep at night i

sleep knowing that I never put myself first.Only we caregivers and some who are

parents could possibly feel that.And that is what keeps me going on strong.I

cant imagine how I could live if I walked away.This is how I am and some

people may think Ive got problems.But you know what?Caregiving doesnt feel like

its wearing me down, to me it feels like its making me stronger.And 1 more

thing, I get to know that when its all said and done, I spent every last minute

possible with my mom.No regrets.I cant say that about my dad, I feel like I

let him down so many times before he died.I dont ever want to feel

thats ok.Thats why they are them and I am I. Ron

adhd5464 <_adhd5464@..._ (mailto:adhd5464@...) > wrote:

I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

I might benefit from some counseling.

The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

should do it?

I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

were soiled.

She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

all caregivers are in danger.

I paid real money for that conversation.

Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

similar shape?

For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

think it is us, and why are we doing this?

This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

have had more of a clue about caregivers.

So, why do we do this?

What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

a caregiver.

It's my dime, if you want in here!

Carol

RON

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

I'd find another counselor. This one seems to think that selfishness is the

healthy route.

Gladys

-- For $125 per hour, we may as well all benefit!

I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

I might benefit from some counseling.

The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

should do it?

I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

were soiled.

She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

all caregivers are in danger.

I paid real money for that conversation.

Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

similar shape?

For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

think it is us, and why are we doing this?

This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

have had more of a clue about caregivers.

So, why do we do this?

What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

a caregiver.

It's my dime, if you want in here!

Carol

Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

[Guest guest]

Well I have seen this situation from a few different perspectives. As a kid, we

had my mother's mother living with us, and she had dementia, and I remember the

fights at the dinner table, us kids doling out the medication and guarding the

refrigerator so she would not eat inappropriate items if my parents tried to go

out for dinner with friends once in a blue moon, and most of all.... being

embarrassed to bring friends over.

My brother and I were in junior high and high school during the worst years and

my sister was quite a bit younger. Now my mother is living with my sister's

family, even though I told my sister to think long and hard about this. I see

the same patterns happening with her two teenage boys. My mother can sense that

people lose patience with her. She feels badly that the boys basically ignore

her and walk past without talking or come home and immediately leave the house

again or go in their rooms and shut the door.

I see my sister on a fast road to burnout with the children, a non-helpful

husband and a number of pets, even with me an hour away for respite at least

once per month. My mom goes 2 days a week to an adult day program, and she

talks about feeling she is treated with more respect there even though people

are being " paid to do it " as she says, than by her family members. It's true -

she pushes those buttons - telling my sister how to raise her kids, or trying to

tell the kids to clean up - no matter how often we approach her as this being

her " retirement " and she really does not need to even think of putting herself

into those situations, she can't help it, it is all she knows.

It is a tough call, but I truly remember growing up with my grandmother living

in the house really caused a lot of negativity and polarizing situations. I

guess it is in the genes because here we go again. Every family is different,

and I would not fault my sister if she (her words) won't be a martyr. Luckily

my mother can financially afford a private placement should it come to that and

we will be close by. But I totally understand my sister WANTS to be able to be

there to work with boyscouts for her sons, and WANTS to work in the Sunday

School, with her sons there, too. So I will not judge her or think of her

choice as selfishness. I know what it was like to grow up with a mother who had

to spend so much time taking care of her mother, and the impact it all had on

our little corner of dysfunctionality.

Kudos to those of you who have the stamina and will power and understanding

family members to be full-time caregivers of LO's who are probably much less

high-functioning than my mother, but when my mother does decline (in the

hopefully distant future), my sister, brother and I will cross that bridge, and

see what is best for ALL of us.

Just wanted to write my feelings because I can see a bit of where the counselor

was coming from. A different counselor might be a better choice, yet she might

suit someone else.

Elsie B

--------- For $125 per hour, we may as well all benefit!

>

> I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

> I might benefit from some counseling.

>

> The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

> time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

>

> Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

> should do it?

>

> I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

> what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

> heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

>

> Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

>

> I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

> baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

> yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

> for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

> were soiled.

>

> She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

> and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

> all caregivers are in danger.

>

> I paid real money for that conversation.

>

> Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

> Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

>

> How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

> similar shape?

>

> For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

> think it is us, and why are we doing this?

>

> This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

> have had more of a clue about caregivers.

>

> So, why do we do this?

>

> What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

> rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

>

> So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

> here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

> a caregiver.

>

> It's my dime, if you want in here!

>

> Carol

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> Welcome to LBDcaregivers.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Since working for hospice maybe she just has a different perspective. It may

just be that

she's seen quite a few caregivers burn themselves to dust to take care of

someone else. It

sounds to me like she's just concerned that you don't harm yourself by taking

care of

Mille. I know that for me sometimes the imagined AND family inflicted guilt is

what keeps

me doing things here and NOT doing things I know I should do for myself. The

conversation runs something like this; (all in my head of course)

" But if I don't do it than who will? Everyone will be mad at me if I don't do

it. If I DO let

someone else do it they won't do it right. Then I'll be worried about it all

the time. Hey

wait! I'm worried about it all the time NOW! I'm the only one who had a job

they could

leave. Wait, thats not true! Why was MY job less important than everyone

else's?...But if I

don't do it than no one will... "

And so on and so on until I feel completely nuts! Sometimes I think at least

partially I did

this to myself. This way I don't have TIME to worry about myself and MY issues.

This way

I have someone else to focus on, to worry about, who NEEDS me.

As caregivers each of us has at least a small part that NEEDS to be needed. I

suspect that

need is larger in many of us than we might like to admit. Its escapism in a

way. We run

away from OUR issues by attending to someone else's.

I'm not saying that any of us shouldn't be doing what we're doing. What I'm

saying is that

sometimes we do it for some emotionally unhealthy reasons and we have a tendency

to

lose ourselves in the process of what we feel is right for someone else.

In some respects I think we ARE all a little crazy for doing this.

You kind of have to be. ;-)

Emma

>

>

> I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

> I might benefit from some counseling.

>

> The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

> time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

>

> Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

> should do it?

>

> I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

> what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

> heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

>

> Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

>

> I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

> baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

> yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

> for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

> were soiled.

>

> She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

> and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

> all caregivers are in danger.

>

> I paid real money for that conversation.

>

> Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

> Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

>

> How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

> similar shape?

>

> For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

> think it is us, and why are we doing this?

>

> This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

> have had more of a clue about caregivers.

>

> So, why do we do this?

>

> What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

> rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

>

> So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

> here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

> a caregiver.

>

> It's my dime, if you want in here!

>

> Carol

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Carol,

I was forced to take some counseling early last year and heard many of those

same things.I personally do better at self counseling.I honestly dont feel like

other people around me.I really dont know if its a choice to caregive or I think

its more that something has been put inside me and I honestly feel like Im the

one for a reason.The only way I would feel like Im in danger is to walk away and

do nothing.Im not trying to be controversial or anything but to me that would be

my final nail in my coffin.I feel like Im strong because of my ability to feel

the pain of others not in spite of it..To walk away or turn my head would feel

to me like I sold my soul.Caregiving is nonstop for me too, and its pressure

filled and stressful and it has affected my physical health some already.But Im

not afraid of the dark, Im not afraid of pain or dying, and Im not afraid to

look someone in the eye or look myself in the eye.We all probably push ourselves

too far but honestly until I feel

like I really think it would feel okay inside to put mom in someone elses hands

(wich I dont even see it happening)I know that hard stressful ,

challenging....It doesnt matter, because when I do get to sleep at night i

sleep knowing that I never put myself first.Only we caregivers and some who are

parents could possibly feel that.And that is what keeps me going on strong.I

cant imagine how I could live if I walked away.This is how I am and some people

may think Ive got problems.But you know what?Caregiving doesnt feel like its

wearing me down, to me it feels like its making me stronger.And 1 more thing, I

get to know that when its all said and done, I spent every last minute possible

with my mom.No regrets.I cant say that about my dad, I feel like I let him down

so many times before he died.I dont ever want to feel like that about mom.Anyway

this is just my oppinion of how I feel in my situation, Im sure there are many

who probably dont understand a thing Im saying and

thats ok.Thats why they are them and I am I. Ron

adhd5464 wrote:

I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

I might benefit from some counseling.

The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

should do it?

I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

were soiled.

She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

all caregivers are in danger.

I paid real money for that conversation.

Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

similar shape?

For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

think it is us, and why are we doing this?

This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

have had more of a clue about caregivers.

So, why do we do this?

What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

a caregiver.

It's my dime, if you want in here!

Carol

RON

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

I just honestly think neither my sister nor myself are any good to the loved one

if we are burnt out, and that is when we need to take steps to get a break, get

some help, something.

My mother had said she would NEVER be a burden to HER children (us) like her

mother was to her and her family while she was raising three kids - but here she

is because we convinced her to come and not stay alone in her house in another

state.

But for everyone's health (physical and mental) and safety, a point is usually

reached where other arrangements need to be made. Unfortunately when I was a

kid, there were no such services, so yes, you took care of your family members.

We had no options in the case of my grandmother, but nowadays that sense of

obligation or " guilt " can sometimes keep a situation in place when by caring for

a LO who is so helpless, that your children are odd men out or even in danger.

At least a half dozen times I walked into the house after school, and the house

was full of gas because my grandmother had left the stove on and the burner had

not lit, and my mom had just dashed out to try and buy some groceries or get to

a doctor appointment, and she was going to try to be home for us kids when we

got home from school, to spare us at age 11 or 12 from elder-sitting instead of

being able to go out and spend some time with our friends before homework. I

have to say it was a constantly sullen household, and no one ever got a vacation

or a break from it as there were no programs like now, and there were no other

family members in our family to rely on.

My mom loved her mother and we love ours, but at a certain point between work,

and kids, and keeping the household going, we will probably have to get another

form of help than just the family depending on how she progresses, and I will

not feel guilty when that time comes.

I spent my childhood obligated to care for my grandmother, and it took a toll on

how I grew up, and I prefer my nephews not be subjected to that.

In the past few years I cared for a significant other who had throat cancer for

five years before he passed away, but eventually he needed a nursing home for

his own safety and I realized I could not keep him safe anymore. I had no

qualms signing the papers in that situation, and when my brother, sister and I

have to vote about any decision like that regarding my mother - if safety for

her or for my nephews is an issue, that will be the deciding factor for me.

In my opinion it actually means you do love them so much you are working hard to

get them in the safest setting possible, and accepting that YOU might not be

able to provide all that they need, as much as you would like to.

That's the way I was raised. You do what you can, until you can't do it

anymore. We are realists I guess - realists with good intentions, but realists

nonetheless.

-------------- Original message ----------------------

> Since working for hospice maybe she just has a different perspective. It may

> just be that

> she's seen quite a few caregivers burn themselves to dust to take care of

> someone else. It

> sounds to me like she's just concerned that you don't harm yourself by taking

> care of

> Mille. I know that for me sometimes the imagined AND family inflicted guilt

is

> what keeps

> me doing things here and NOT doing things I know I should do for myself. The

> conversation runs something like this; (all in my head of course)

> " But if I don't do it than who will? Everyone will be mad at me if I don't do

> it. If I DO let

> someone else do it they won't do it right. Then I'll be worried about it all

> the time. Hey

> wait! I'm worried about it all the time NOW! I'm the only one who had a job

> they could

> leave. Wait, thats not true! Why was MY job less important than everyone

> else's?...But if I

> don't do it than no one will... "

> And so on and so on until I feel completely nuts! Sometimes I think at least

> partially I did

> this to myself. This way I don't have TIME to worry about myself and MY

issues.

> This way

> I have someone else to focus on, to worry about, who NEEDS me.

> As caregivers each of us has at least a small part that NEEDS to be needed. I

> suspect that

> need is larger in many of us than we might like to admit. Its escapism in a

> way. We run

> away from OUR issues by attending to someone else's.

> I'm not saying that any of us shouldn't be doing what we're doing. What I'm

> saying is that

> sometimes we do it for some emotionally unhealthy reasons and we have a

tendency

> to

> lose ourselves in the process of what we feel is right for someone else.

> In some respects I think we ARE all a little crazy for doing this.

> You kind of have to be. ;-)

> Emma

>

>

>

>

> >

> >

> > I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

> > I might benefit from some counseling.

> >

> > The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

> > time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

> >

> > Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

> > should do it?

> >

> > I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

> > what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

> > heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

> >

> > Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

> >

> > I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

> > baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

> > yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

> > for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

> > were soiled.

> >

> > She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

> > and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

> > all caregivers are in danger.

> >

> > I paid real money for that conversation.

> >

> > Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

> > Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

> >

> > How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

> > similar shape?

> >

> > For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

> > think it is us, and why are we doing this?

> >

> > This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

> > have had more of a clue about caregivers.

> >

> > So, why do we do this?

> >

> > What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

> > rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

> >

> > So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

> > here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

> > a caregiver.

> >

> > It's my dime, if you want in here!

> >

> > Carol

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ron,

I so agree! I am not afraid, the risks are minimal, and I am managing my

health.

As long as Millie just needs and cook, housekeeper, companion, and med

dispenser, I am in for the long haul.

I just needed to know we are who we are, because it is us, and we could do

nothing less.

When I sleep, and it may not be great sleep, at least I know, I am doing the

best darn job I can for someone who cannot do for herself.

I am so gratified by all the responses, and if, and when, I think I have to

put Millie in a nursing home, I will do so, only because I know I can't provide

what she needs.

I know I am giving, and hiring, better care with one-on-one, and for only

about $1500 a month.

We could pay twice the amount for 1/5 of the care with Millie's current needs.

We are strange and called breed, and I am so proud to be one of us!

keep your thoughts coming, as I think we each are reinforced as we write.

Love to all,

Carol

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Hi Carol,

Thats why I love this group so much and look up and appreciate all of you.Im

actualy understood, and fit right in.Its really rare for me to be fully

understood in my own personal life.Since when is it so bad to care?Thanks for

letting me be a part of this it helped me too in a lot of ways.Hugs to you and

all here Ron

carol king wrote:

Ron,

I so agree! I am not afraid, the risks are minimal, and I am managing my health.

As long as Millie just needs and cook, housekeeper, companion, and med

dispenser, I am in for the long haul.

I just needed to know we are who we are, because it is us, and we could do

nothing less.

When I sleep, and it may not be great sleep, at least I know, I am doing the

best darn job I can for someone who cannot do for herself.

I am so gratified by all the responses, and if, and when, I think I have to put

Millie in a nursing home, I will do so, only because I know I can't provide what

she needs.

I know I am giving, and hiring, better care with one-on-one, and for only about

$1500 a month.

We could pay twice the amount for 1/5 of the care with Millie's current needs.

We are strange and called breed, and I am so proud to be one of us!

keep your thoughts coming, as I think we each are reinforced as we write.

Love to all,

Carol

---------------------------------

Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your homepage.

[Guest guest]

Emma,

I do enjoy being needed, and I may piss and moan, but it is the right thing to

do!

We are needed and we go where we are needed.

i don't have children around, and I can sleep 25 yards way from my own house

with no real inconvenience.

My husband is learning to be more self-sufficent, and this may be part of his

journey, as well.

I am so glad we know what we know, and that we are not afraid.

We are fearless, and faithful, 100%. (Horton Hatches an Egg)

" I meant what I said, and I said what I meant, and elephant's faithful, one

hundred percent! "

Okay, we are also a lot like Thidwick the Big-Hearted Moose!

Thank you Dr. Seuss!

Yes, it is a bitter, butter battle!

I have to surrender the air card, so I will close!

I will get to the rest of you when I can!

Carol

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

thanks emma for putting such honesty out there.

xo

anna

Re: For $125 per hour, we may as well all benefit!

Since working for hospice maybe she just has a different

perspective. It may just be that

she's seen quite a few caregivers burn themselves to dust to take care of

someone else. It

sounds to me like she's just concerned that you don't harm yourself by taking

care of

Mille. I know that for me sometimes the imagined AND family inflicted guilt is

what keeps

me doing things here and NOT doing things I know I should do for myself. The

conversation runs something like this; (all in my head of course)

" But if I don't do it than who will? Everyone will be mad at me if I don't do

it. If I DO let

someone else do it they won't do it right. Then I'll be worried about it all

the time. Hey

wait! I'm worried about it all the time NOW! I'm the only one who had a job

they could

leave. Wait, thats not true! Why was MY job less important than everyone

else's?...But if I

don't do it than no one will... "

And so on and so on until I feel completely nuts! Sometimes I think at least

partially I did

this to myself. This way I don't have TIME to worry about myself and MY issues.

This way

I have someone else to focus on, to worry about, who NEEDS me.

As caregivers each of us has at least a small part that NEEDS to be needed. I

suspect that

need is larger in many of us than we might like to admit. Its escapism in a

way. We run

away from OUR issues by attending to someone else's.

I'm not saying that any of us shouldn't be doing what we're doing. What I'm

saying is that

sometimes we do it for some emotionally unhealthy reasons and we have a tendency

to

lose ourselves in the process of what we feel is right for someone else.

In some respects I think we ARE all a little crazy for doing this.

You kind of have to be. ;-)

Emma

>

>

> I went to get my meds changed and they thought with all I have going on

> I might benefit from some counseling.

>

> The therapist wanted to know why I had organized my life to work full-

> time and then caregive all the other hours in the day.

>

> Now, she acted like I was crazy for doing this, and why did I think I

> should do it?

>

> I told her that if I see something that needs done and I don't do it,

> what kind of a person would I be, anyway? I don't think I have two

> heads, but this seemed like a foreign concept to her.

>

> Did we all self-appoint ourselves to this?

>

> I told her about when my dad was in the hospital that i gave him his

> baths when poo ruled and they couldn't cover him at all because of the

> yeast irritation from massive anti-biotics. She thought I was crazy

> for not calling the nursing staff to change his sheets every time they

> were soiled.

>

> She told me caregivers don't realize the risks physically, emotionally,

> and something else, we take by giving so much of ourselves. She feels

> all caregivers are in danger.

>

> I paid real money for that conversation.

>

> Really, who would I want bathing me and taking care of me if I were in

> Millie's shoes? (We take her shoes off when we bathe her, really!)

>

> How do I teach my children what they may need to do should I be in

> similar shape?

>

> For most of us, the why is because no one else would, but why do we

> think it is us, and why are we doing this?

>

> This woman worked for Hospice for 5 years. I would think she would

> have had more of a clue about caregivers.

>

> So, why do we do this?

>

> What issues inside of you, made you appoint yourself to chief caregiver

> rather than putting your LO in a nursing home?

>

> So, if you would like to help me articulate our collective thoughts

> here, I would be grateful. She made me feel ratherdefensive about being

> a caregiver.

>

> It's my dime, if you want in here!

>

> Carol

>

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