Guest guest Posted January 6, 2008 Report Share Posted January 6, 2008 You wrote: im a musician and there's this singer who wanted me to play with her, and i agreed, but after meeting her and had a reharsle i suddenly had a change of heart, how do i tell her this? or maybe the change of heart was the extension of feelings of the last couple of days.. maybe i shouldn't leave and give it a chance? My Response: Your commitment to the musician: Tell the truth - do it as soon as possible - don't leave it till it is too late for the person to find a replacement. - If you don't tell that person with enough time to replace you - you will be seen as a bad person. Do you intend to punish the person? Your word is a " legal contract " Remember that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 > im a musician and there's this singer who wanted me to play with > her, and i agreed, but after meeting her and had a reharsle i > suddenly had a change of heart, how do i tell her this? > or maybe the change of heart was the extension of feelings of the > last couple of days.. maybe i shouldn't leave and give it a chance? > > > My Response: > Your commitment to the musician: > > Tell the truth - do it as soon as possible - don't leave it till it > is too late for the person to find a replacement. - you dont get it, i have a change of heart for allmost everything i start.. i dont give it a chance.. maybe it'll be fun in the midway? i stay alone becuase i never give a chance.. it's not that simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 Hi Facy102 ~ I agree that telling the truth as soon as possible is always a good idea ~ for your own sake, not for any one else's. Since there are no mistakes and you have said that you tend to have a change of heart concerning many decisions, it may be helpful to stick with your original commitment to work with this singer and in the meantime, do the work on the stressful thoughts that are causing your discomfort. In other words, what are the thoughts that are causing you to consider backing out of the agreement? What's the worst that can happen if you go through with this and work with this singer? I sense that you would like to follow through with this (my story and I could be way off base here, see if it feels true for you) and your thoughts are causing confusion. What are your fears if you do work with this singer? It could be very exciting to take a closer look at them and get to the other side using inquiry. I have myself often agreed to certain things and then felt I'd made a mistake because I was afraid of failure...following through in spite of my fears has been a great learning experience and is like flexing a new muscle. Looking at my fears and questioning them has often allowed me to honour my commitment and let go of my attatchment to the results. Please post any works that you would like help with. Best wishes, C > > im a musician and there's this singer who wanted me to play with > > her, and i agreed, but after meeting her and had a reharsle i > > suddenly had a change of heart, how do i tell her this? > > or maybe the change of heart was the extension of feelings of the > > last couple of days.. maybe i shouldn't leave and give it a chance? > > > > > > My Response: > > Your commitment to the musician: > > > > Tell the truth - do it as soon as possible - don't leave it till > it > > is too late for the person to find a replacement. - > > you dont get it, > i have a change of heart for allmost everything i start.. i dont give > it a chance.. maybe it'll be fun in the midway? > i stay alone becuase i never give a chance.. it's not that simple. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 > mistakes and you have said that you tend to have a change of heart > concerning many decisions, it may be helpful to stick with your > original commitment to work with this singer and in the meantime, do > the work on the stressful thoughts that are causing your discomfort. well, when we reharsed the materials for the first time i realized that im doing very little in this production, it's all her and im in the background not doing very much, only adding some notes and some second voices, addition to that that i dont appriciate her music very much, she think it's the greatest thing on earth .. i think it's boring and is like everything i ever heard before.. i feel this is not the kind of production where i express myself very openly.. those are the reasones i backup. fear? it's not a fear of failure.. if there's a fear it is only that i want have any fun and by then to leave will be to ruin for her and dissapointing after we'v 'built' something and work hard on it. it felt more like work for me then fun.. and im not getting paid.. not for that part anyway .. money perhaps will come in the future.. you know how it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 7, 2008 Report Share Posted January 7, 2008 " I have a change of heart for almost everything I start. I don't give it a chance. Maybe it would be fun. " That strikes me as a powerful realization. Since you recognize your tendency to " have a change of heart " you have an opportunity to get yourself to follow through on plans. I've heard say, " Think of the worst that can happen and see if that is survivable. " So, if you play with that singer, what is the absolute worst thing that you can imagine happening to you? Is that worst thing really so horrible? Maybe you could play with her one time and give it a fair chance. Then if you don't like it, tell her and quit. If you do that, at least give yourself credit for trying and not quitting in advance. Vivian Re:confused > im a musician and there's this singer who wanted me to play with > her, and i agreed, but after meeting her and had a reharsle i > suddenly had a change of heart, how do i tell her this? > or maybe the change of heart was the extension of feelings of the > last couple of days.. maybe i shouldn't leave and give it a chance? > > > My Response: > Your commitment to the musician: > > Tell the truth - do it as soon as possible - don't leave it till it > is too late for the person to find a replacement. - you dont get it, i have a change of heart for allmost everything i start.. i dont give it a chance.. maybe it'll be fun in the midway? i stay alone becuase i never give a chance.. it's not that simple. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 well, you do it or you don't do it. the worst that can happen are your thoughts about whatever choice you make. you can then question those thoughts or not. c > > > > mistakes and you have said that you tend to have a change of heart > > concerning many decisions, it may be helpful to stick with your > > original commitment to work with this singer and in the meantime, do > > the work on the stressful thoughts that are causing your discomfort. > > well, when we reharsed the materials for the first time i realized that > im doing very little in this production, it's all her and im in the > background not doing very much, only adding some notes and some second > voices, addition to that that i dont appriciate her music very much, > she think it's the greatest thing on earth .. i think it's boring and > is like everything i ever heard before.. i feel this is not the kind of > production where i express myself very openly.. those are the reasones > i backup. > fear? it's not a fear of failure.. if there's a fear it is only that i > want have any fun and by then to leave will be to ruin for her and > dissapointing after we'v 'built' something and work hard on it. > it felt more like work for me then fun.. and im not getting paid.. not > for that part anyway .. money perhaps will come in the future.. you > know how it is. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2008 Report Share Posted January 8, 2008 >>>> mistakes and you have said that you tend to have a change of heart concerning many decisions, it may be helpful to stick with your original commitment to work with this singer and in the meantime, do the work on the stressful thoughts that are causing your discomfort. Just forward what you wrote below to her and I think, you will be 'done' If you find yourself unable to do that, ask, what would have you liked her to do, if she was in your place, and, you were in hers? [NNB] >> well, when we reharsed the materials for the first time i realized that im doing very little in this production, it's all her and im in the background not doing very much, only adding some notes and some second voices, addition to that that i dont appriciate her music very much, she think it's the greatest thing on earth .. i think it's boring and is like everything i ever heard before.. i feel this is not the kind of production where i express myself very openly.. those are the reasones i backup. fear? it's not a fear of failure.. if there's a fear it is only that i want have any fun and by then to leave will be to ruin for her and dissapointing after we'v 'built' something and work hard on it. it felt more like work for me then fun.. and im not getting paid.. not for that part anyway .. money perhaps will come in the future.. you know how it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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