Guest guest Posted September 3, 2001 Report Share Posted September 3, 2001 It was so good to hear your story, It sounded like one of my own. WE both weigh the same. And I also am trying to get alll that water. I am mixing some up in CRystal LIte.... the peach flavor is quite good. It helps alot... Good luck to you.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 3, 2001 Report Share Posted September 3, 2001 Kathy: Thanks for sharing the nice intro! Driving in cars means major munching for me too. In the past, it was stop at the station and see what over-priced, over-caloried -fat snacks they have. Buy some sugar-free gum for the car, and also pack healthy shacks. Some light popcorn, or a bag of air popped, fruit, low-fat granola bars. Do you have the dining out companion? That might help while you're on the road and eating in restaurants. Also, have you checked out Dotti's Weight Loss Zone? She has tons of restaurants/points listed. Good luck! We can do it together! Lyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Thanks so much to both you, , and CJ for your responses. Day 2 of his vacation: He is ready to go out in the cold for another all day birding quest by himself, then he will come back and enter all the data into his computer. He just came rushing in because he saw a pileated woodpecker in the yard and shared it with me. In answer to your questions: a.. Do you see yourself growing old with him? Yes, I love him very much. I enjoy his company and I actually find it a relief that he does not really ponder psychological issues, and is fact oriented. It is just that outside our relationship, there are some real problems. I am not sure how I will step back. b.. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? I am hoping that i will be less frustrated with him because I will know why he does certain things. He will continue to work as a teacher and me as a librarian. We will likely live in the same house, hopefully our health will stay good. I will have joined more volunteer groups and made more friends. He will continue birding and supplying his data sheets to his birding web site. Maybe his relationship with his son will improve. c.. Do you feel this is a relationship or does it feel like an arrangement? Maybe 70 % relationship and 30% arrangement. d.. What do you need to get from this relationship to feel whole and happy? I am fine that he is the way he is mostly. It does not bother me that he does not delve too deeply. I just don't like the burden of being the social director and coach. I would like to see an " aha " moment from him but that is not going to happen. He is very guarded about anything about his personality or his issues. I think on some level he knows something is different about him. e.. Do you feel that an AS label will negate or lesson the impact of his behavior towards you? I think it would help as it would explain so many things. He does tend to make strange excuses for his behavior and minimize, but i don't think he would use it as an excuse. I am hoping he will accept that he has this disorder but i cannot count on it. I have nice friends and my family is accepting. I think if they understand things will be better too. I think I might mention my suspicions to my trusted friends and family but i am not sure. Again-thanks. > > Greetings and welcome to ASPIRES. > > I think CJ offered great comments and I would add these comments as an NS spouse: > > a.. Do you see yourself growing old with him? > b.. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now? > c.. Do you feel this is a relationship or does it feel like an arrangement? > d.. What do you need to get from this relationship to feel whole and happy? > e.. Do you feel that an AS label will negate or lesson the impact of his behavior towards you? > We are not responsible for fixing someone else, only ourselves. This is just " my " personal and humble opinion. > > Others? > > Best Regards. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 2, 2012 Report Share Posted January 2, 2012 Welcome to aspires, Carolyn.. > > Hello- > > I have been reading the lists and would like to introduce myself. > > I believe that my husband has some Asperger traits. Is it possible that > people can have a " mild " form of Aspergers? I have suggested this to > him but he vehemently denies that there could be anything wrong. I > dread taking him to social situations because I never know what he will > say or do to embarrass me. I have made a rule that he will never attend > a social function at work with me. When he is with my friends who accept > him and there is no anxiety, he is ok. > > He was a software engineer and is now a music teacher. He had a > difficult time working and keeping jobs when he worked in a hierarchy. > He blames the software industry but I think his personality had > something to do with his job insecurity. His students seem to like him. > > He is obsessed with birding, and making lists of the birds he sees. > Today he spent an entire day of his vacation on a solo bird count out in > the cold and he is very happy. His world is about birding. (I know that > many birders are this way. ) His joy in life is about collecting lists > of birds, and making spreadsheets and tables of bird sitings. He also > makes charts and tables about gas mileage, is very methodical about > these spreadsheets, and when his son was small, as a coach, his > contribution to the team was to make statistical charts of their > averages. Odd-as a young children's coach? He is very good at telling me > what the weather will be. He loves maps and borders and loves telling > me where borders exist for cities and counties. Instead of a net of > relationships he has facts and figures and tables. > > He has virtually no friends. When we do see people, they are my friends. > In social situations he sometimes makes obscure jokes and comments about > little known musicians or musical subjects that no one would know > anything about and laugh to himself at his own joke�behavior that > showed he was not tuning in to the group but was in his own world. This > behavior has gotten better too because I gave him such a hard time about > it. He would ask people about locations and map oriented questions at > parties-intersections of certain roads, etc. He will direct the > conversation back to himself and talk at people, without asking them > questions, just about himself. Or he will clam up and not say anything, > and then come tag along me when I am trying to have a conversation with > someone. It feels burdensome to me that he cannot hold up his end of a > social interaction, and has to rely on me. Basically I am his world and > I do not appreciate that right now. He has gotten better because I have > given him a hard time about how to better interact with people, but it > is not great to socialize with him. > > One time he made some weird joke about a menora joke to a friends > husband who is Jewish, whom he had just met, totally weird and > inappropriate. They complained that he made them uncomfortable. > > I do not enjoy it when he is visiting my family because he makes very > little effort to reach out and engage people. He acts bored and > detached. He has offended people but my family is polite and they have > not complained about him. He does not know how to " grease the wheel " , > ever. Once when we were visiting my brother's family he made a rude > gesture towards my brother's children, pretending to kick them, saying > " get out of here, kid " . So nasty and inappropriate. They were not being > bratty. I wanted to DIE! He either says he didn't remember doing that > or acts like there is nothing wrong with the way he acts. Then he just > acts like it never happened. I always thought he was just a huge jerk > and didn't own his behavior--and I have wanted to divorce him several > times. I am hoping to learn strategies to deal with this kind of stuff. > > He is *very* intolerant of his 20 year old son's ADD. He never reaches > out to his family. I have to order him to make calls, etc.--not even ask > any more because he would never follow through. > > The reason I am writing is he is either an incorrigible jerk or there is > something like AS that might explain these aspects of his personality. > When we are alone he can be so kind and loving. He said when he was > young people told him that he was the weirdest person they had ever met. > I hope to find more tolerance if I can identify a real problem I can > work with and understand his bad behavior. So this may sound weird but > I am actually hoping he has AS......I could find more love and > compassion for him, and less judgement, if some of these behaviors can > be explained-they are not acceptable, but more understandable.... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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