my needs for attention are too big

[Guest guest]

my needs for attention are too big( so best not express them)

1, yes

2, yes t feels like they are too big

3, i feel hopeless and terrified that people will see i'm a huge

gapping hole, i feel like i have to pretned i have no needs or my

partner will run away so i live a lie, i feel small and that there is

something wrong with me, i notice how other people don't seem to feel

so insecure and i compare myself to them, i feel insecure around

women who appear to have their lives together, i condemn myself for

being such a weak woman. I hate myself for having needs and try and

deny them, I feel like if i was honest with someone about my needs

for affection then they would run a mile. I hate my neediness, i try

and avoid it, I get scared for asking for what i want, i try and

manipulate my needs in order to get them met, i'm terrified i will be

rejected. i don't see that sometimes my need for attention is pretty

small, my partner yelds power over me and i'm walking on egg shells

trying not to be too needy

i throw myself away, i think i'm a hopeless case. i feel like giving

up. i feel defeated.

i become sly in my way of getting attention, so for example with

shalimar i would give him so much space that i ended up resenting him

and then finally i went bonkers and had a go at him for not wanting

to spend time with me and yet i hadn't asked for it and this whole

time he was just trying to get me to ask for what i wanted..

i get to stay small and not move out of this stuck pattern, i get to

stay safe and not take risks, i get to avoid NO's

if i couldn't belive this thought the worst thing that would happen

is i would be too needy and no one would love me ..hahaa and thats

what happens now so it's not helping me out .

4, without this thought i would be peaceful, i would be willing to

ask for my needs to be met as and when they arise, i would be

forthcoming about what i'd like from a relationship, would have

asked shalimar if we could go out on a date or i would have said can

you give me some attention now. i would have asked him to spend more

time with me rather than trying to manipulate it out of him by

withdrawing my love . and hoping he would get the message or by

acting cool and waiting for him to come to me because i was afraid he

might say no.

i would be present with myself and clear about what my needs are in

this moment and seeing that i'm alone so i have no need for anyone

other than myself right now.

I might be able to call shali and ask him if he loves me and be

willing to hear his answer.

i think i need to do the work on what i make a no mean ..i would be

open to whatever arises.

i feel more comfortable and i'm not scaring myself to death now, i

feel more peaceful and grounded, i feel calm and clear.

I would live my life differently by asking for what i need and

letting whoever else have their judgement about that and not make it

mean that i'm doing it wrong, i would feel shameless..

T.A my needs for attention are too small

1, wow thats so true because with shali i was happy to take 10 mins a

day and was scared to ask for more.

2, I diminish myself and make myself small when I believe my needs

are too big

3, sometimes thats true, when I'm at work or going to the beach

during the day my needs for attention were very small then and it was

only for a few hours in the evening i wanted to have some attention

and i was scared to ask because i felt like it was too much..

T.A my thinking about attention is too big,

1, yes I,m off in the future somewhere and crucifying myself before

it's even happened.

2, when i believe this thought i feel overwhelmed and terrified.

T.A my needs for attention are not to big

1, they are just the right size

2, too big in comparison to what

3, especially when i am honest and clear and give people the

opportunity to say yes or no.

feedback??

pipxx