Inquiry: I am attached to her/him

[Guest guest]

Hello,

Here is my first inquiry as a newcomer to the group and to The Work. I

welcome feedback with an open heart and eager ears! :-)

With gratitude and love,

Stressful thought or belief: I'm attached to her/him.

Is it true? Yes

Can you absolutely know that it's true? Yes

How do I react when I believe this thought? My heart aches. I'm

sad. There's self-judgment and lots of self-blame. There's

also this sense of being addicted to their daily presence. I'm also

pissed off that I got " caught " and drawn into the friendship in

such a way that the space feels empty and longing when they aren't

around to talk to. I've put this " fairy tale " story around

this friendship which of course sets one up for disappointment.

There's edginess around feeling like I need to make a decision

whether to keep the friendship and learn to meet my emotions and

thoughts with " loving-kindness " or very gracefully and carefully

back away from the friendship so I can go on with my life, which of

course feels terrible to me.

Does this thought bring peace or stress to your life? Stress

Can I think of a single stress-free reason to keep this thought? No

Can I think of a reason to drop this thought? Yes, I would be free of

the heavy & challenging thoughts.

Who would I be without this thought? I would be able to simply feel

acceptance for what the friendship does bring and gratitude for this

person without attachment or the desire to want more or less. Without

the thought " I am attached to him/her " , I would be breathing

freer and more slowly. I would simply embrace and cherish this

friendship for what it is and what it will be, and hold loving good

intentions as the foundation of our friendship.

Turnarounds:

I should be attached to her/him: No, this is not true. Attachment

feels tied to expectations for someone to " be " a certain way.

That feels unwholesome and therefore stressful. I do, however, believe

that it's quite natural for many to follow their heart when it makes

a connection with someone as long as the foundation remains " love

and good intentions " without feelings of " attachment or

expectations " for it to be anything that it is or will be.

I am not attached to him/her: Without the " story " of the

friendship this is true. I can see how the fantasy/fairy tale I

created around this friendship holds the power to my attachment.

I'm attached to myself: Yes, absolutely! I see that I'm

attached to the drama, the story and my ego. It makes my life appear

more exciting than without it. Crazy and so amusing to see the truth

here!