Re: Hi - your insights

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl, thanks for this.To clarify for others, i am married with a 10 yo son and a 15 month old daughter.My son is to a previous relationship. I was never married to my sons mother and when we met AS was an unknown to me and her.My wife and I both knew of the AS prior to getting married.To contrast and compare the two relationships?This time around i guess I have a better insight and understanding into myself and so does my wife- and now so too does my sons mother.has this made a

difference?I feel it has....knowing myself through the AS lens allows me to understand and comprehend and there is a whole variety of books and resources out there telling me how I am.....I don't think that non-AS people have this facility.so self awareness is a great help.Do I still have difficulties and problems in a relationship- yesare they all AS based- no.In the past they were all lack of AS awareness based and now i can make a differentiation and reflect and decide if this issue was an AS one or not.Since I met my wife I have : changed jobs, got married, earned a Masters, started martial Arts, produced a daughter, moved

house.There have been plenty of changes for me recently ( last 4 years) and I am unsure if it is due to my wife or if she was part of the list of changes i have made.I can say my life has been " better" since meeting her what i can't say is- she was the reason it is better.The point being i think the changes and betterness came from within me- maybe she helped find it, maybe she helped me find it- i dunno.What i do know is that i am better for having met her and married her and produced a daughter with her. 40 AS content and tranquil...for now The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely

for the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and the content remains the intellectual property of To: aspires-relationships Sent: Friday, 22 June 2012, 4:55 Subject: Hi

- your insights

Glad you are back. I love the insight you have shared in

the past so ask if you would be willing to elaborate on what is working and/or

not working in your marriage. If I remember correctly, and I may not –

you were in an earlier relationship/marriage? and I wonder what you have

learned over time that makes this relationship work better than past relationships

– if your greater insight into yourself and AS have played a factor and

if so, how. Of course, this may be too personal, so feel free to not answer

at all! J Thanks in advance - Cheryl

[Guest guest]

Hi ....

It's amazing what happens when we become more comfortable with whom we are.

Being self-awareness of what our strengths and limitations are. I think about

the almost past five years of my life, when I was first dually diagnosed with AS

and AD/HD Combined back in September/October 2007 - as well as my former

marriage and where I am in my life at this time.

I find it remarkable that I have come as far as I have.. then the question

really is.. should I be surprised that I have come as far as I have? No. I

think I am more surprised by how much more self-aware I am now versus back then.

That I am able to advocate for myself much better than I ever could. To see how

my challenges have changed over the course of these five years.

By the way, I like your text at the bottom, which says...

" The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for the

addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are

not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action

taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of

delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and

the content remains the intellectual property of . " I like this.

>

> Hi Cheryl,  thanks for this.

>

> To clarify for others, i am married with a 10 yo son and a 15 month old

daughter.

>

> My son is to a previous relationship. I was never married to my sons mother

and when we met AS was an unknown to me and her.

>

> My wife and I both knew of the AS prior to getting married.

>

> To contrast and compare the two relationships?

>

> This time around i guess I have a better insight and understanding into myself

and so does my wife- and now so too does my sons mother.

>

> has this made a difference?

>

> I feel it has....knowing myself through the AS lens allows me to understand

and comprehend and there is a whole variety of books and resources out there

telling me how I am.....I don't think that non-AS people have this facility.

>

> so self awareness is a great help.

>

> Do I still have difficulties and problems in a relationship- yes

> are they all AS based- no.

>

> In the past they were all lack of AS awareness based and now i can make a

differentiation and reflect and decide if this issue was an AS one or not.

>

> Since I met my wife I have :  changed jobs, got married, earned a Masters,

started martial Arts, produced a daughter, moved house.

>

> There have been plenty of changes for me recently ( last 4 years) and I am

unsure if it is due to my wife or if she was part of the list of changes i have

made.

>

> I can say my life has been " better " since meeting her what i can't say is-

she was the reason it is better.

>

> The point being i think the changes and betterness came from within me- maybe

she helped find it, maybe she helped me find it- i dunno.

>

> What i do know is that i am better for having met her and married her and

produced a daughter with her.

>

> 40 AS content and tranquil...for now

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>  

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for

the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you

are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any

action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of

delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and

the content remains the intellectual property of

>

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: aspires-relationships

> Sent: Friday, 22 June 2012, 4:55

> Subject: Hi - your insights

>

>

>  

> Glad you are back.  I love the insight you have shared in

> the past so ask if you would be willing to elaborate on what is working and/or

> not working in your marriage.  If I remember correctly, and I may not †"

> you were in an earlier relationship/marriage? and I wonder what you have

> learned over time that makes this relationship work better than past

relationships

> †" if your greater insight into yourself and AS have played a factor and

> if so, how. 

>  

> Of course, this may be too personal, so feel free to not answer

> at all!  J

>  

> Thanks in advance - Cheryl

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

As always, your insights are meaningful.  You note the one thing

crucial that I have never had the luxury of in my own relationship.  On a

spectrum, I am very self aware and spend lots of time looking at behavior and

asking why.  That was not the case with my partner.  It is one of those

interesting things where you wonder how you connected and were so different. 

But self awareness can build that path into success in a

relationship on some level – if you talk about it (together, not to yourself!) 

It sounds like you getting more aware, meeting your wife and trusting her, and

getting older with more experiences have helped out.

For me, too bad I got so old before I was skilled in working

through a relationship.  Now probably too late.

Thanks for your response!

Cheryl

From: aspires-relationships

[mailto:aspires-relationships ] On Behalf Of david bailey

Sent: Saturday, June 23, 2012 4:19 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: Hi - your insights

Hi Cheryl, thanks for this.

To clarify for others, i am married with a 10 yo son and a 15

month old daughter.

My son is to a previous relationship. I was never married to my

sons mother and when we met AS was an unknown to me and her.

My wife and I both knew of the AS prior to getting married.

To contrast and compare the two relationships?

This time around i guess I have a better insight and understanding

into myself and so does my wife- and now so too does my sons mother.

has this made a difference?

I feel it has....knowing myself through the AS lens allows me to

understand and comprehend and there is a whole variety of books and resources

out there telling me how I am.....I don't think that non-AS people have this

facility.

so self awareness is a great help.

Do I still have difficulties and problems in a relationship- yes

are they all AS based- no.

In the past they were all lack of AS awareness based and now i can

make a differentiation and reflect and decide if this issue was an AS one or

not.

Since I met my wife I have : changed jobs, got married,

earned a Masters, started martial Arts, produced a daughter, moved house.

There have been plenty of changes for me recently ( last 4 years)

and I am unsure if it is due to my wife or if she was part of the list of

changes i have made.

I can say my life has been " better " since meeting her

what i can't say is- she was the reason it is better.

The point being i think the changes and betterness came from

within me- maybe she helped find it, maybe she helped me find it- i dunno.

What i do know is that i am better for having met her and married

her and produced a daughter with her.

40 AS content and tranquil...for now

The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for the

addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are

not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action

taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of

delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and

the content remains the intellectual property of

From: Cheryl

Cain

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Friday, 22 June 2012, 4:55

Subject: Hi - your insights

Glad you are back. I love the insight you have shared in

the past so ask if you would be willing to elaborate on what is working and/or

not working in your marriage. If I remember correctly, and I may not –

you were in an earlier relationship/marriage? and I wonder what you have

learned over time that makes this relationship work better than past

relationships – if your greater insight into yourself and AS have played a

factor and if so, how.

Of course, this may be too personal, so feel free to not answer

at all! J

Thanks in advance - Cheryl

[Guest guest]

Hi Cheryl,I read a book once on Stoic Philosophy- I read it again about twice a year.It teaches one to be happy with what they have. ( it isn't about denial of pleasure as most people think)You post rarely ( when i was active 3 years ago) and whenever you did there was always a little hint of sadness and "what if" in the postings from you.I have learned to not want what I don't have and really appreciate what I do have and i am learning this through time and practice- this leads to attaining the stoic ideal of " tranquility"Im there sometimes but not all the time- but

in the recent past i was only angry or angrier. it may not be for you.It may help.Im glad i can connect with you- even if it is infrequent. www.forensicvet.comThe information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and the content remains the intellectual property of To: aspires-relationships Sent: Tuesday, 26 June 2012, 2:51 Subject: RE: Hi - your insights

Hi , As always, your insights are meaningful. You note the one thing

crucial that I have never had the luxury of in my own relationship. On a

spectrum, I am very self aware and spend lots of time looking at behavior and

asking why. That was not the case with my partner. It is one of those

interesting things where you wonder how you connected and were so different. But self awareness can build that path into success in a

relationship on some level – if you talk about it (together, not to yourself!)

It sounds like you getting more aware, meeting your wife and trusting her, and

getting older with more experiences have helped out. For me, too bad I got so old before I was skilled in working

through a relationship. Now probably too late. Thanks for your response! Cheryl

From: aspires-relationships

[mailto:aspires-relationships ] On Behalf Of david bailey

Sent: Saturday, June 23, 2012 4:19 PM

To: aspires-relationships

Subject: Re: Hi - your insights

Hi Cheryl, thanks for this.

To clarify for others, i am married with a 10 yo son and a 15

month old daughter.

My son is to a previous relationship. I was never married to my

sons mother and when we met AS was an unknown to me and her.

My wife and I both knew of the AS prior to getting married.

To contrast and compare the two relationships?

This time around i guess I have a better insight and understanding

into myself and so does my wife- and now so too does my sons mother.

has this made a difference?

I feel it has....knowing myself through the AS lens allows me to

understand and comprehend and there is a whole variety of books and resources

out there telling me how I am.....I don't think that non-AS people have this

facility.

so self awareness is a great help.

Do I still have difficulties and problems in a relationship- yes

are they all AS based- no.

In the past they were all lack of AS awareness based and now i can

make a differentiation and reflect and decide if this issue was an AS one or

not.

Since I met my wife I have : changed jobs, got married,

earned a Masters, started martial Arts, produced a daughter, moved house.

There have been plenty of changes for me recently ( last 4 years)

and I am unsure if it is due to my wife or if she was part of the list of

changes i have made.

I can say my life has been " better" since meeting her

what i can't say is- she was the reason it is better.

The point being i think the changes and betterness came from

within me- maybe she helped find it, maybe she helped me find it- i dunno.

What i do know is that i am better for having met her and married

her and produced a daughter with her.

40 AS content and tranquil...for now

The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for the

addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are

not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action

taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of

delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and

the content remains the intellectual property of

From: Cheryl

Cain

To: aspires-relationships

Sent: Friday, 22 June 2012, 4:55

Subject: Hi - your insights

Glad you are back. I love the insight you have shared in

the past so ask if you would be willing to elaborate on what is working and/or

not working in your marriage. If I remember correctly, and I may not –

you were in an earlier relationship/marriage? and I wonder what you have

learned over time that makes this relationship work better than past

relationships – if your greater insight into yourself and AS have played a

factor and if so, how.

Of course, this may be too personal, so feel free to not answer

at all! J

Thanks in advance - Cheryl