Inquiry into 'I want to die'

[Guest guest]

OK, so I'm feeling pretty bad today - but want to get to the bottom of

this.

The inquiry is below - so one of the beliefs I notice coming out of it

is " I'd be more at peace if I was dead " - I must admit I'm a bit

scared to go further with this line of inquiry - it's as if I feel

like my fear of death is what stops me going further.

I know I can't absolutely know that that is true - and I don't feel

like I can take the chance that it is either!

Anyway, here's the inquiry - thoughts, feedback appreciated. Just

having this group as a place to share is an absolute gift.

With love and thanks,

Jon

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Thought/ Belief: I want to die

Is that true? Yes

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

Can you absolutely know that you'd be happier if you got what you want?

What's the reality?

I feel like I'd be more at peace – nothing to worry about ever again.

The reality is I'm not dying in this moment.

How do I react?

I feel scared, tense, angry, hopeless.

I cry a lot – I feel like anything will set me off, tip me over the edge.

I don't trust myself to leave the bedroom, to even go and see my

mother downstairs.

I hide away – I just hope that everything ends.

Associated thoughts are:

No-one loves me

My life is over

I can't get out of the situation I'm in

She shouldn't have left me

They are angry with me

Peace or stress? Definitely stress.

A reason to drop this thought? Yes, I would feel more at peace.

Who am I without this thought?

I don't know – find it hard top picture – empty, clueless, thrashing

about – nothing makes sense anymore. Definitely tired.

Without this thought I'd give up trying to anything. I'd go make a

cup of tea, say hello to my mother maybe.

Turnarounds:

I don't want to die

Not right now I don't – I can't particularly see a reason for living,

but I'm not physically trying to kill myself right now.

I want to live

Even though this doesn't feel true in an active sense, it must be

truer right now – I'd rather be doing this inquiry than dying.

My thinking wants to die

This is much truer – my thinking wants a rest, wants some peace and quiet.