Re: he should show me he cares about me

[Guest guest]

Dear Pip,

Am 14.01.2008 um 04:03 schrieb pip galea:

> I need him to show me he cares about me

>

> 1, yes

So, what is your proof?

I hear it's not what he's doing, and I hear you don't need it.

What does " need " mean?

Like: I need something if I can't do what I am supposed to do without

it. What is it you are supposed to do?

You are doing already everything you should be doing.

> 2, no and i can't know it would be best for my path if

> he did show me he cared about me

How did this change of mind happen?

> 3, I feel a tightness in my belly, I feel shut down

> and contracted. I feel alot of energy in my head like

> it's spinning. I notice my thoughts trying to work out

> what's going on in his head,

what does it matter? You can't work out what's going on in *your* head

in the first place.

> It goes to the past and

> collects all the evidence that he doesn't care, I try

> and manipulate ways in order to get him to connect

> with me,

and how connecting to where *he* is in the moment does that feel?

> I try and get him to have cups of tea with me

> or eat lunch so that we can connect with each other.

Yep. Rip him out of his life so that he can connect with *you*.

> sometime I go out to the hot tub and wait to see if he

> comes and gets in it with me and if he doesn't I make

> that mean that he doesn't care about me. it goes to a

> future where it appears that he's having sex with

> other women and that means he doesn't care about me.

> and never did.

You are too busy waiting in the hot tub, anyway! ;-)

> by holding this belief i believe i can make him show

> me he cares for me

who's business is it whom you care for?

And who's business is it whom he cares for?

> , I feel desperate for his

> attention, i look for ways to get it and when that

> doesn't work i see all the ways he doesn't care about

> me so i set myself up.. Like a test so prove that he

> doesn't love me..

and instead you prove, that ... who doesn't love you?

> this thought brings me aot of stress because i'm

> constantly in his business looking at how he's not

> showing me he cares.

Good you found that.

> i think i'll get evidence of his love and then i'll

> feel secure.

Right. Until you want to get *new* evidence. Since, he *did* care, but

what about *now*?

So, when will this be over? When will you know for sure?

> a peaceful reason to drop this belief would be that i

> would not be looking and analysing his business in

> order t find my self worth.

Well, maybe you wouldn't get to be in the hot tub that often... ;-)

> 4, without this thought, i'd be noticing my breath,

> looking at a man sitting on a chair, i would notice

> his eyes and how they catch the light sometimes and

> shimmer, i would notice his mouth and how attractive i

> find it, i would smile and be happy and say hello

> withiout expecting a hello back, i would say hello and

> be happy because it makes me happy to be like that. I

> would stay on my business

sounds caring.

> and if he doesn't smile and

> look like he wants to talk to me , i might see someone

> who doesn't feel like connecting with me in that

> moment and be ok with that . I would feel liberated

> and free, I would go and get n the hot tub because I

> enjoy being in there and if he didn't come i would see

> it gives me more of a chance to have time to myself

> and to love and nurture myself.

sounds connected

> how would i live my life differently if i couldn't

> believe that i need shalimar to show me he loves me. ?

>

> i would be totally empowered, i would be living in my

> own business, looking after myself, possibly not even

> in any kind of relationship with shalimar, i would be

> questioning my mind and finding the keys to my own

> heart, loving myself totally, feeling my own beauty

> and sweetness and not lacking in any way.. I would be

> complete . I would be completely peaceful whatever way

> he was. It wouldn't be personal.

>

> T.A

> I don't need him to show me he cares about me

> 1, truer, I'm still breathing, I'm still alive, I'm

> still here.

isn't that great?

>

> 2, it shows me where i still have work to do.

> 3, because it's helping me care for myself and stay in

> my own business

> 4, because if he showed me he cared about me then i'd

> have what???

exactly.

> T.A

> I need me to show me that I care about him

> 1, yes truer because when i pretend I don't care about

> him, it only hurts me

> 2, yes I'm constantly trying to get rid of my caring

> for him

> 3, because it feels good for me to make him dinner and

> ask him how his day is and it would feel good for me

> to give him space when it appears he wants it. I could

> even ask him rather than projecting that I know whats

> on his mind .

>

> T.A

> I need me to show him that I care about him

> 1, yes because I try and hide my feelings for him and

> ignore him

> 2, by giving him space

> 3, yes sometimes i'm not very good at doing this and i

> guess that makes us the same.

>

> T.A

> I need me to show me that he cares about me

> 1, wow thats true i will write a list of the ways he

> does show me he cares

> 2, my story is so think i'm not seeing the caring

> 3, if the universe is a friendly place then him not

> talking to me and ignoring me could be his way of

> sparing me ..

> wow thats interesting .

>

> T.A

> I need me to show me that I care about me

> 1, I don't care about me when i'm in his business

> trying to get his care and approval

> 2, I don't care about myself when I'm trying to get

> him to be someone who he isn't and i'm in conflict

> with reality.

> 3,I don't care about me when I believe I know whats

> right for my self and reality isn't reflecting that

> back.

> 4, I don't care about me when I tell myself Im an

> idiot for getting involved with him again

> 5, i don't care about me when i make his being in the

> hot tub with other women mean that he never cared

> about me.

> 6, i don't care about me when i get romantically

> involved with a man and give my power away to them.

> 7, i don't care about me when i eat chocolate and know

> that it will make me feel sick the next day

>

> ways i want him to show me he cares

> 1, to speak to me gently and connect with me for 20

> mins a day

> 2, to tell me i'm beautiful and how much i mean to him

>

> 3, to hold me and tell me that he values my friendship

>

> 4 to make me a candlelite dinner put romantic music on

> and hold my hand

> 5, to gaze into my eyes and touch my face gently

> 6, to call me and ask me if i wanna hang out at the

> beach.

> OK things I can do for myself I believe

>

> ways he does care for me.

> 1, he leant me his new truck last week when my car

> broke down so i could get to work,

> 2, Sometimes he makes me breakfast or offers me dinner

>

> 3, he spares me from his bad mood by not talking to me

>

> 4, he spares me from the desire to have sex with him

> by not getting in the hot tub with me.

> 5, he continues to allow me to rent a room in his

> house.

> 6, he hugs me and snuggles me sometimes

> 7, we had a lovely heartfelt conversation today.

> 8, he tells me when i buy a new dress that i look

> great

> 9, he tells other people about my work and tells me

> about possible new clients.

> 10, he constantly tells me that i'm really beautiful

> 11, he helped me tow my car out when i got stuck in

> the gulch

> 12, he reafirms to me that i can deal with it when i

> think I can't.

> 13, he cares about me from sparing me having a

> relationship with someone who's first priority is

> finding god and not his partner.

> 14, he washes up my plates sometimes

> 15, he dances with me when we go to sweat your prayers

>

> 16, e holds my hand when we eat dinner together.

> 17 he tells me alot of his thoughts that he doesn't

> discuss with other people.

What a loving man you've got. So many things you found in such a short

time.

Love,