Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet (From Files Section) judge your neighbor - write it down - ask four questions - turn it around Answer the questions below, writing about someone whom you haven't yet forgiven one hundred percent. (Do not write about yourself yet.) Use short, simple sentences. Don't censor yourself. Try to fully experience the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right now. Take this opportunity to express your judgements on paper. 1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about them that you didn't or still don't like? (Remember: be harsh, childish, and petty.) I don't like, am angry at, saddened, frightened, or confused by (name) because ____________. I am __angry and upset___ at _________Jon___________ because _____he makes me sound like an idiot. I don't like his email address " self happiness " , LOL, and basically I just dislike the fact that he is questioning my beliefs. ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ 2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? I want Jon to understand my point of view I want him to say ok, in a very weird way you are right, ...______ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ 3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? _Jon__ shouldn't question my beliefs, he should accept and understand them.__ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ 4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give you or do in order for you to be happy? (Pretend it's your birthday and you can have anything you want. Go for it!) I need ___Jon___ to understand my story, the reason why I identify with my story and with the story of everyone else, that's all I need to be happy. _______________________________ 5. What do you think of them? Make a list. (Don't be rational or kind.) I think Jon is ok the way he is, and I'm not upset at Jon's person, I'm upset at Jon's words and the fact that they upset me, in Jon I see a deluded, brainwashed meet puppet. ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________\ ________________________________________________ 6. What is it that you don't ever want to experience with that person, thing, or situation again? I don't mind getting upset, from time to time, it's ok if it happens again, but if it has to be, I don't ever want to experience Jon to question my beliefs again. Instructions for Doing The Work Now investigate each of your statements from the other side of this Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is a meditation. It s about awareness; it s not about trying to change your mind. Let the mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. The Four Questions 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? 3. How do you react when you think that thought? 4. Who would you be without the thought? Here's an example of how the four questions might be applied to the statement, " should understand me. " 1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you? Be still. Wait for the heart's response. 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? Ultimately, can you really know what he should or shouldn t understand? Can you absolutely know what s in his best interest to understand? 3. How do you react when you think that thought? What happens when you think should understand me and he doesn t? Do you experience anger, stress, frustration? Do you give him the look ? Do you try to change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? Does that thought bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen. 4. Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Picture yourself in the presence of the person you want to understand you. Now imagine looking at that person, just for a moment, without the thought, I want him to understand. What do you see? What would your life look like without that thought? The Turnaround Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to consider the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find several turnarounds. For example, " should understand me " turns around to: * shouldn't understand me. (Isn t that reality sometimes?) * I should understand me. (It's my job, not his.) * I should understand . (Can I understand that he doesn't understand me?) Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, ask yourself, Is that as true or truer? This is not about blaming yourself or feeling guilty. It s about discovering alternatives that can bring you peace. The Turnaround for Number 6 The turnaround for statement number 6 is a little different: " I don't ever want to experience an argument with again " turns around to: I am willing to experience an argument with again. and I look forward to experiencing an argument with again. Number 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with open arms. If you feel any resistance to a thought, your Work is not done. When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have been uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in life you see everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization. For more information about The Work, read Loving What Is and visit www.thework.org. ©2002 Byron , Inc. All rights reserved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 PS: Comment to #5 Am I not expected to say something like this? > > The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet > (From Files Section) > judge your neighbor - write it down - ask four questions - turn it > around > Answer the questions below, writing about someone whom you haven't yet > forgiven one hundred percent. (Do not write about yourself yet.) Use > short, simple sentences. Don't censor yourself. Try to fully experience > the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right now. Take > this opportunity to express your judgements on paper. > 1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about them > that you didn't or still don't like? (Remember: be harsh, childish, and > petty.) I don't like, am angry at, saddened, frightened, or confused by > (name) because ____________. > I am __angry and upset___ at _________Jon___________ because _____he > makes me sound like an idiot. I don't like his email address " self > happiness " , LOL, and basically I just dislike the fact that he is > questioning my beliefs. > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? > I want Jon to understand my point of view I want him to say ok, in a > very weird way you are right, ...______ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? > _Jon__ shouldn't question my beliefs, he should accept and understand > them.__ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give you or > do in order for you to be happy? (Pretend it's your birthday and you can > have anything you want. Go for it!) > I need ___Jon___ to understand my story, the reason why I identify with > my story and with the story of everyone else, that's all I need to be > happy. _______________________________ > > > > 5. What do you think of them? Make a list. (Don't be rational or > kind.) > I think Jon is ok the way he is, and I'm not upset at Jon's person, I'm > upset at Jon's words and the fact that they upset me, in Jon I see a > deluded, brainwashed meet puppet. > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > ______________________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 6. What is it that you don't ever want to experience with that > person, thing, or situation again? > I don't mind getting upset, from time to time, it's ok if it happens > again, but if it has to be, I don't ever want to experience Jon to > question my beliefs again. > > Instructions for Doing The Work > Now investigate each of your statements from the other side of this > Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is > a meditation. It s about awareness; it s not about trying to change your > mind. Let the mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, > go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. > The Four Questions > > 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? 3. > How do you react when you think that thought? 4. Who would you be > without the thought? > > Here's an example of how the four questions might be applied to the > statement, " should understand me. " > > 1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you? Be still. > Wait for the heart's response. > > 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? Ultimately, can you really > know what he should or shouldn t understand? Can you absolutely know > what s in his best interest to understand? > > 3. How do you react when you think that thought? What happens when > you think should understand me and he doesn t? Do you experience > anger, stress, frustration? Do you give him the look ? Do you try to > change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? Does that thought > bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen. > > 4. Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Picture > yourself in the presence of the person you want to understand you. Now > imagine looking at that person, just for a moment, without the thought, > I want him to understand. What do you see? What would your life look > like without that thought? > > The Turnaround > Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to > consider the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find > several turnarounds. > For example, " should understand me " turns around to: > > * shouldn't understand me. (Isn t that reality sometimes?) > > * I should understand me. (It's my job, not his.) > > * I should understand . (Can I understand that he doesn't > understand me?) > > Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, ask > yourself, Is that as true or truer? This is not about blaming yourself > or feeling guilty. It s about discovering alternatives that can bring > you peace. > The Turnaround for Number 6 > The turnaround for statement number 6 is a little different: > " I don't ever want to experience an argument with again " turns > around to: I am willing to experience an argument with > again. > and I look forward to experiencing an argument with again. > Number 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with open > arms. If you feel any resistance to a thought, your Work is not done. > When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have been > uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in life you see > everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization. > For more information about The Work, read Loving What Is and visit > www.thework.org. ©2002 Byron , Inc. All rights reserved. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 Thank you - this is great! :-) I really appreciate you sharing this worksheet. And on #5, it looks good to me. With love and thanks, Jon PS I'm also curious about the self happiness email thing, if you feel able to share more about that - either on here or by direct email. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 I've had a chance to sit with this worksheet and really take in what you wrote - thank you again. I can find everyone of them. And here's some of my judgments about the SELF Happiness email/website name: It's too flashy It's too simplistic Self happiness is superficial Self happiness is self-centred People will think I'm a prat People will think I'm a saddo I'm not qualified/happy enough to use the SELF Happiness name :-) With love and thanks, Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 Can you show me a link to your website? When I first read something from you, I don't remember what it was, but you made it sound as if you were somewhat a little " sad " . And I found it funny and ironic to see that you are sending emails from " selfhappiness " . Maybe that's what people like me want to read, that others are sad, and that they don't deserve websites with challenging names, I'd say leave it, if it makes such a strong impression, on me, in other words if it makes someone like me who's normaly really balanced, and especially after my yoga session, if it upsets someone like me, it must be ok to use that name. So show me your flashy website and I show you mine Nehti > > I've had a chance to sit with this worksheet and really take in what > you wrote - thank you again. I can find everyone of them. > > And here's some of my judgments about the SELF Happiness email/website > name: > > It's too flashy > It's too simplistic > Self happiness is superficial > Self happiness is self-centred > People will think I'm a prat > People will think I'm a saddo > I'm not qualified/happy enough to use the SELF Happiness name :-) > > With love and thanks, > > Jon > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 Who are you asking? Why would we have expectations concerning what you say? We are dealing with beliefs here, with thoughts...say what you are thinking in order to get it out and get it questioned. Black Eyes Again wrote: PS: Comment to #5 Am I not expected to say something like this? > > The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet > (From Files Section) > judge your neighbor - write it down - ask four questions - turn it > around > Answer the questions below, writing about someone whom you haven't yet > forgiven one hundred percent. (Do not write about yourself yet.) Use > short, simple sentences. Don't censor yourself. Try to fully experience > the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right now. Take > this opportunity to express your judgements on paper. > 1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about them > that you didn't or still don't like? (Remember: be harsh, childish, and > petty.) I don't like, am angry at, saddened, frightened, or confused by > (name) because ____________. > I am __angry and upset___ at _________Jon___________ because _____he > makes me sound like an idiot. I don't like his email address " self > happiness " , LOL, and basically I just dislike the fact that he is > questioning my beliefs. > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? > I want Jon to understand my point of view I want him to say ok, in a > very weird way you are right, ...______ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? > _Jon__ shouldn't question my beliefs, he should accept and understand > them.__ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give you or > do in order for you to be happy? (Pretend it's your birthday and you can > have anything you want. Go for it!) > I need ___Jon___ to understand my story, the reason why I identify with > my story and with the story of everyone else, that's all I need to be > happy. _______________________________ > > > > 5. What do you think of them? Make a list. (Don't be rational or > kind.) > I think Jon is ok the way he is, and I'm not upset at Jon's person, I'm > upset at Jon's words and the fact that they upset me, in Jon I see a > deluded, brainwashed meet puppet. > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 6. What is it that you don't ever want to experience with that > person, thing, or situation again? > I don't mind getting upset, from time to time, it's ok if it happens > again, but if it has to be, I don't ever want to experience Jon to > question my beliefs again. > > Instructions for Doing The Work > Now investigate each of your statements from the other side of this > Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is > a meditation. It s about awareness; it s not about trying to change your > mind. Let the mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, > go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. > The Four Questions > > 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? 3. > How do you react when you think that thought? 4. Who would you be > without the thought? > > Here's an example of how the four questions might be applied to the > statement, " should understand me. " > > 1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you? Be still. > Wait for the heart's response. > > 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? Ultimately, can you really > know what he should or shouldn t understand? Can you absolutely know > what s in his best interest to understand? > > 3. How do you react when you think that thought? What happens when > you think should understand me and he doesn t? Do you experience > anger, stress, frustration? Do you give him the look ? Do you try to > change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? Does that thought > bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen. > > 4. Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Picture > yourself in the presence of the person you want to understand you. Now > imagine looking at that person, just for a moment, without the thought, > I want him to understand. What do you see? What would your life look > like without that thought? > > The Turnaround > Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to > consider the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find > several turnarounds. > For example, " should understand me " turns around to: > > * shouldn't understand me. (Isn t that reality sometimes?) > > * I should understand me. (It's my job, not his.) > > * I should understand . (Can I understand that he doesn't > understand me?) > > Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, ask > yourself, Is that as true or truer? This is not about blaming yourself > or feeling guilty. It s about discovering alternatives that can bring > you peace. > The Turnaround for Number 6 > The turnaround for statement number 6 is a little different: > " I don't ever want to experience an argument with again " turns > around to: I am willing to experience an argument with > again. > and I look forward to experiencing an argument with again. > Number 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with open > arms. If you feel any resistance to a thought, your Work is not done. > When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have been > uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in life you see > everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization. > For more information about The Work, read Loving What Is and visit > www.thework.org. ©2002 Byron , Inc. All rights reserved. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 Black Eyes Again <nehtefagmail (DOT) <mailto:nehtefa%40gmail.com> com> wrote: PS: Comment to #5 Am I not expected to say something like this? You are obviously expected to say something like that because you did!!! I think the whole point of all this is to love despite anything. I love my brother. He did not come to my daughters birthday party because he forgot (even after three phone calls one of which was actually 3 hours before the party). My mother bought him a present to give to her (BTW he is 37 and lives across the street) but since he didn't come it just sat in the car. My mom and dad were furious with him. They were calling him names and telling me I should be mad at him. But I wasn't. Not at all. That is how he is. It's OK with me. I'm glad if he comes and I'm glad if he does not. I love him anyway and am so happy to see him when he does come. The next day he called to apologize with 4 excuses and I told him it didn't matter. I wasn't upset. I told him that no one in this house was mad at him. I let him know that when my daughter asked the previous night what happened I told her. Uncle Mike forgets (very ADD) and that some people forget and so don't and that he loves her and will come over with a present soon to wish her a happy birthday. I let my brother know that this is good for her at her age because she not only got the experience of someone forgetting something important to her I was also there all calm and loving to let her know that some people are late or don't come at all and in the end it doesn't matter. He got mad at me (which I'm ok with too) because he wanted me to have lied to her so that she would not " think " badly of him. I told him that if he thought that being late or not showing up was not " ok " then he should stop doing it; but it was ok with me either way and I want to teach my children the same. We may or may not from now on " expect " you to say something like this. We may think " oh " how wonderful that Black Eyes said something like that again. Or if you say something different we may think " Wow " how wonderful she said something else. Are you ok with what you said. We expect no different from you that what you give us at any moment. It is how YOU feel that matters to you. Jon, how did I do? _____ From: Loving-what-is [mailto:Loving-what-is ] On Behalf Of Sent: Friday, January 25, 2008 8:16 AM To: Loving-what-is Subject: Re: Re: To Jon Part I Who are you asking? Why would we have expectations concerning what you say? We are dealing with beliefs here, with thoughts...say what you are thinking in order to get it out and get it questioned. Black Eyes Again <nehtefagmail (DOT) <mailto:nehtefa%40gmail.com> com> wrote: PS: Comment to #5 Am I not expected to say something like this? > > The Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet > (From Files Section) > judge your neighbor - write it down - ask four questions - turn it > around > Answer the questions below, writing about someone whom you haven't yet > forgiven one hundred percent. (Do not write about yourself yet.) Use > short, simple sentences. Don't censor yourself. Try to fully experience > the anger or pain as if the situation were occurring right now. Take > this opportunity to express your judgements on paper. > 1. Who angers or saddens or disappoints you? What is it about them > that you didn't or still don't like? (Remember: be harsh, childish, and > petty.) I don't like, am angry at, saddened, frightened, or confused by > (name) because ____________. > I am __angry and upset___ at _________Jon___________ because _____he > makes me sound like an idiot. I don't like his email address " self > happiness " , LOL, and basically I just dislike the fact that he is > questioning my beliefs. > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 2. How do you want them to change? What do you want them to do? > I want Jon to understand my point of view I want him to say ok, in a > very weird way you are right, ...______ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 3. What is it that they should or shouldn't do, be, think, or feel? > _Jon__ shouldn't question my beliefs, he should accept and understand > them.__ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 4. Do you need anything from them? What do they need to give you or > do in order for you to be happy? (Pretend it's your birthday and you can > have anything you want. Go for it!) > I need ___Jon___ to understand my story, the reason why I identify with > my story and with the story of everyone else, that's all I need to be > happy. _______________________________ > > > > 5. What do you think of them? Make a list. (Don't be rational or > kind.) > I think Jon is ok the way he is, and I'm not upset at Jon's person, I'm > upset at Jon's words and the fact that they upset me, in Jon I see a > deluded, brainwashed meet puppet. > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > __________________________________________________________ __\ > ________________________________________________ > > > 6. What is it that you don't ever want to experience with that > person, thing, or situation again? > I don't mind getting upset, from time to time, it's ok if it happens > again, but if it has to be, I don't ever want to experience Jon to > question my beliefs again. > > Instructions for Doing The Work > Now investigate each of your statements from the other side of this > Worksheet using the four questions and the turnaround below. The Work is > a meditation. It s about awareness; it s not about trying to change your > mind. Let the mind ask the questions, then contemplate. Take your time, > go inside, and wait for the deeper answers to surface. > The Four Questions > > 1. Is it true? 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? 3. > How do you react when you think that thought? 4. Who would you be > without the thought? > > Here's an example of how the four questions might be applied to the > statement, " should understand me. " > > 1. Is it true? Is it true that he should understand you? Be still. > Wait for the heart's response. > > 2. Can you absolutely know that it s true? Ultimately, can you really > know what he should or shouldn t understand? Can you absolutely know > what s in his best interest to understand? > > 3. How do you react when you think that thought? What happens when > you think should understand me and he doesn t? Do you experience > anger, stress, frustration? Do you give him the look ? Do you try to > change him in any way? How do these reactions feel? Does that thought > bring stress or peace into your life? Be still as you listen. > > 4. Who would you be without the thought? Close your eyes. Picture > yourself in the presence of the person you want to understand you. Now > imagine looking at that person, just for a moment, without the thought, > I want him to understand. What do you see? What would your life look > like without that thought? > > The Turnaround > Next, turn your statement around. The turnarounds are an opportunity to > consider the opposite of what you believe to be true. You may find > several turnarounds. > For example, " should understand me " turns around to: > > * shouldn't understand me. (Isn t that reality sometimes?) > > * I should understand me. (It's my job, not his.) > > * I should understand . (Can I understand that he doesn't > understand me?) > > Let yourself fully experience the turnarounds. For each one, ask > yourself, Is that as true or truer? This is not about blaming yourself > or feeling guilty. It s about discovering alternatives that can bring > you peace. > The Turnaround for Number 6 > The turnaround for statement number 6 is a little different: > " I don't ever want to experience an argument with again " turns > around to: I am willing to experience an argument with > again. > and I look forward to experiencing an argument with again. > Number 6 is about welcoming all your thoughts and experiences with open > arms. If you feel any resistance to a thought, your Work is not done. > When you can honestly look forward to experiences that have been > uncomfortable, there is no longer anything to fear in life you see > everything as a gift that can bring you self-realization. > For more information about The Work, read Loving What Is and visit > www.thework.org. C2002 Byron , Inc. All rights reserved. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2008 Report Share Posted January 25, 2008 Hi , I was totally engrossed in the story you shared, which I think is beautiful - so I was surprised to see your question at the end for me - I just thought it was a cool response and story and I have much admiration for anyone that can be so clean in their interactions with others. How do you think you did?! With love, Jon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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