resentful of my own child

[Guest guest]

My 16 year old son is rebelling and I'm very resentful. He lies,

cons, manipulates. He throws a fit if I don't jump at his requests,

throws a fit if I impose established consequences to broken rules, he

resists following through with his chores. He's disrespectful and

demanding... Yada yada yada. I hear myself saying: This is not

acceptable behavior. My belief is that he should respectful and

obedient.

Is this true? Sheesh... what planet am I on?

Is this absolutely true? A bit of history: When he was younger I

was rarely consistent with rules and consequences, always caving into

those big blue doe eyes he'd throw at me and these behaviors worked

for him, and left him feeling insecure and unsure. Now that I'm

working harder at being consistent of COURSE he's going to resist.

Why would I think that he'd just snap to it? I'm frustrated though

because I've been doing this for a few years now and its still going

on.

How do I react? I get angry and resentful and am bitchy, nagging,

and mean to him. I cannot enforce the consequences with love,

compassion or understanding. (ah ha! didn't realize how much I'm

pulling away from him).

Who would I be without that thought? This is the tough one for me.

Without that thought I wouldn't have expectations. Maybe I would be

able to respond rather than react? Maybe I'd have some other

expectations? I'm not sure.

Turn around:

*He's 16, its his time to rebell against my authority so he can find

his own autonomy.

*I should be respectful (and obedient?!) to him.

*I shouldn't impose consequences. (?)

*Its his job to make my life a living hell so that when its time for

him to leave the nest I'll be grateful.

Yikes! Still need to process this one some more.

Any feedback would be highly appreciated.