Cocktail: All Cock and Bull

July 22, 2012

What did the Gujju say after he saw the movie, " Cocktail " ?

He said, " Basically there are two heroines in this movie. One heroine is Penty

and the other is without " Penty " !

That pretty much summarizes the flick. It starts with a playboy Saif trying to

seduce anything that has, well, " penties " . His female counterpart is Deepika

Padukone, who is a fashion photographer in London. She is the one who hardly

ever wears anything below her waist. To balance them is the other heroine

Penty, who is the Sati Savitri type with Indian values, which by the way are not

found anywhere in India. Don't believe me? Watch the TV for Indian values in

mass rapings in Guwahati and Gurgaon and Noida.

The Penty lady gets jilted by her unappreciative husband, and by some strange

coincidences, all three find their way into living in a small apartment. Enter

Saif's boisterous uncle, Boman Irani, who protects him from his overbearing

loudly Punjabi mother, Dimple Kapadia.

As happens in all Indian households, the loving mummyji, wants her darling Gutlu

(Saif) to be married to a nice, well covered, praying chori. Saif meanwhile

prefers the uncovered and preying types. This leads to all sorts of situations

which could have been funny, but aren't.

You end up stifling a yawn, which even Deepika's lithe athletic body in a two

piece swimsuit cannot dispel. All the actors have done an okay dokey job in the

acting departments, if only the director had not been as drunk as half the

scenes in this movie are.

If you are a Deepika fan, do see this movie for her nubile body enclosed (or

probably that is a wrong word) in some snazzy costumes. However, for the rest,

it is one crashing bore of a movie with loud Punjabi songs and everyone in

London speaking instead of the Queen's English, what we should now call the

Madam's Hindi. More than half the movie takes place in a pub where everyone is

drunk out of their minds, and in which you should also probably go instead of

wasting your time on this idiocy.

-Kishore Shah

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