AS and depression - Sylvia (was Re: OTRS - Sylvia)

[Guest guest]

Hi Sylvia,

My heart goes out to you!

When I lost my brother in my early 30's, I had already lost dear friends,

relatives and my mom to untimely early deaths, but losing a younger sibling was

especially heart-wrenching and shocking.

He was very ill for a couple of years before he died, and the management of his

care fell to us, his siblings. It was a roller coaster of emotions with hope as

he rallied, then devastation as he had another set-back, then more hope, then

the carpet being yanked out again, and on and on. A very empathetic friend who

had gone through this said that at times it does feel like they are going to

take you with them if the illness does not resolve soon. Towards the end of

their suffering, you just want it to resolve one way or another quickly - and

then you feel horribly guilty for feeling that way, since this is their journey,

not yours. This experience is not unlike what you and your surviving daughter

must have gone through, and one year later .. well there's still fallout.

For me, my brother's eventual death did not bring closure, but more sadness,

guilt, and an outlook that seemed greyer and greyer over time. It wasn't

incapacitating - yet. Having been self supporting since my mid teens, copping

out of life wasn't an option. I sought medical help and therapy. A good circle

of support really helped, too. Having motivation (a life to get back to living)

and peer support may be healing elements that are lacking for your daughter.

It would seem that in a sense, your AS daughter, though around 30, is like a

teenager in her outlook and her dependent status. However, she is an adult, so

it's even more difficult to force her to do anything. What a double bind for

you, mom

Bereavement is certainly one factor, but your daughter has to remember that she

isn't the only one. She lost a sister but you lost a child!

It would seem to me that her depression is compounded by a dawning realization

that she is headed towards poverty if she does not improve her situation now.

She probably does see that her same age peers have been and will go places that

she has not and may never be able to, which is depressing her further. I don't

know to what extent she is aware of her AS, if she is in denial or the opposite,

feeling that it is an oppressive disability.

Does she/can she work now? Was she ever formally diagnosed? What is the level of

her disability? It is such that she classifies as an adult who needs assisted

independent living? Does she have some sort of disability status, and is she

receiving any support? Can she qualify for vocational rehabilitation?

If none of this is in place yet, her level of disability could qualify her for

state support and rehabilitation services. GOOD LUCK trying to get it, you'll

have to jump through hoops of fire, especially if she is reluctant to be

classified as disabled. They are more likely to offer rehabilitation services if

the candidate is willing and enthusiastic about improving their situation. But

at the age she is at, if something does not change, you know your daughter's

living situation in mid life and beyond could be quite dire. If you give

specifics, he may be able to advise you if that is the direction you need to

take with her.

K. an ASPIRES member, is a dx'd AS adult who might have some ideas for

you. Reading his archived posts over the past 5 years might provide some

direction for you. never allowed himself to succumb to helplessness and

hopelessness, though when he first came to this group five years ago he was

certainly having some challenges. We have had the privilege of sharing in his

journey and it is inspiring for anyone who is where he was. did have

insight into what had been holding him back and he was working on finding the

way forward, which he has, admirably. He was willing to put his pride in his

pocket and seek a diagnosis, and access whatever help was available for him.

Today is actively involved in the autism community, and is a strong self

advocate and advocate for others. He is furthering his education to raise his

qualifications and income level and plans to work in a field that is ideally

suited to his skill set. I know he's busy now but I hope he can give you a

message of hope. He's a little older than your daughter, but a relative

youngster in our group

The final possibility is that she may have a metabolic or autoimmune illness

which is driving the depression. We can discuss that more off list if you want,

but then again, she, as an adult, has to have the wherewithal to manage her own

physical wellness too. If she truly can not, you may have to get that formal

" disability stamp " which I am sure she does not want, but perhaps really needs.

I do hope that other members here, adults with AS and loved ones of adults with

AS, will also come forward with their experiences and suggestions.

cyber hugs (and apologies for typos..gotta go now)

Helen

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> Thanks Helen.

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> My biggest hurdle right now is my daughter's depression and I don't know how

to help her find her way out of the Black Hole. Any suggestions anyone?

> Sylvia

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> Sent from my iPhone

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