Ultra Logic

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Ultra Logic

What will happen if all businesses were treated like Ultrasonography is

treated? This is not as farfetched as it sounds. After all, if you argue

that Ultrasonography is used to kill fetuses, then pretty much everything

can be used to kill somebody. For example, knives can be used for cooking as

well as 'Cooking somebody's goose'. Clothes can be used for hanging somebody

or hung to dry. I could go on, but let me plunge directly into what will

happen.

The moment you enter the Cookware section of the mall, a gracious attendant

will sidle up to you and say, " Just a moment, madam. Before you select the

knife for your kitchen, you will need to fill this 3 page questionnaire and

declaration that you are not going to cut any part of the human anatomy off

with it, even if your name is Bobbit! "

You will be happy to know that only two outlets of Mac's will be

allowed. All the rest will be shut down, because by law one company cannot

run more than two outlets. The company wants Mumbai and Delhi, but the law

says that they should be within 10 kms of each other. Thus death by French

Fries will be curtailed to a large extent.

And newspapers will scream that 20 petrol pumps were shut down, because in

the form declaring that the petrol will not be used for burning wives, the

column mentioning Jet Fuel usage was left blank. And that 15 local Kirana or

grocery sellers have been forced to close shop and face imprisonment of 10

years because they did not take the mandatory two years training in selling

grocery from recognized malls. This will help curb the illegal practice of

fattening people and killing them with life style diseases.

And, of course, the sensational news of the day will be that 2 used tampons

were found discarded in the garbage bin causing endangerment of the general

population due to infection. Henceforth all outlets selling tampons will

have to maintain a register mentioning the name, address and menstrual date

of the user.

And, as usual, the politicians will go scot free, because they need neither

registration, nor training nor any accountability.

-Kishore Shah