Say Cheej!

[Guest guest]

Say cheej!

I have decided! Every time I go out, I am going to apply a lot of makeup and

also gel my hair properly. No! I have not suddenly decided to snare an

unsuspecting female. Rather, if an unsuspecting me is snared by some camera,

I want to look nice. You might ask, now who would want to photograph me. And

you would be justified. But seeing how others have started looking in their

pics, I have decided to be safe.

So if I am attending a cricket match and I see some security man shooing a

few kids off the field, where they shouldn't have been in the first place, I

shall go and argue with that guy. And I don't want to look sweaty and oily

in the photos in the next morning paper.

And if instead of a lukewarm reception I get caught in a LUKE HOT reception,

I want to appear cool and collected and not all harried, with my hair flying

in all directions.

As also, if I am sitting quietly sipping an innocuous Coke, and by that I

mean the innocuous drink, and if the police suddenly swoop down and bundle

me off to the nearest thana, I want to claim that I was at the wrong place

at the wrong time not looking drugged with dark circles around my eyes. I

want to say that I was not attending a rave party without looking like a

raving idiot.

And lastly, if some shady character approaches me and offers me a crore or

so to add a kind word for his cosmetics in my column, I don't want to appear

bad in his hidden camera. I wonder if anyone will be idiotic enough to offer

me that much, but I am willing to settle for one tube of that fairness

cream, just so that I do not look dark on that camera.

-Kishore Shah