Issues with eating noises? Misophonia?

[Guest guest]

Jay tells me yesterday, the sound of him or others around eating, drive him insane. Not just the someone being socially inept in the eating manners department, just the actual fact they are eating.

Long ago he told me he hated the sound of me eating. For 25 years, I barely ate around him. I thought he was just being a jerk, and this was one battle I wasn't willing to fight. Like he was embarrased by my eating skills. He will crank the radio up LOUD, and to me it meant he didn't want to talk during dinner time.

At a drive thru yesterday, he asked if I wanted music while we ate in the car, I said no, it kills off any interest of me having a conversation, why put the radio on if you want to talk?

Jay proceeds to tell me he NEEDS this distraction, because he hates the sound of himself eating. News to me. This has went on as long as he can remember. Told him this information would have been useful years ago, because I always thought it was because of my " disgusting " eating habits. Jay looked stunned.

He does not understand the difference in the two sentences:

Your eating noises drive me insane.

I need the radio on because my eating noises and other people's eating sounds make me not want to eat.

*Me banging head against the wall.

Exhibit A of why work is paying him to stay away. If he does this odd communication stuff with me, I'm sure as hell know Jay has done this at work.

Tried to explain the difference in social meaning between the two sentences. Jay still doesn't understand.

(1st one implying the other person has the eating skills of a barn yard animal. 2nd one means you have a serious issue, and it isn't personal against the other people eating with you)

Sigh.

25 years later the real reason comes out. Jay also told me he has problems with the mechanics of eating. His jaw gets tired, and is worries food will drop out of his mouth. That is the reason for the precise cutting of food, and other quirky table things he does.

All this information would have meant a lot less stomach acid and Xanax for me. Better late than never.

Anyone dealing with Misophonia?

Could use a little insight.

Nan (NT wife)

Jay (Aspie)

[Guest guest]

Nan,

I totally understand what you are saying here...(see text below) but I am coming from the other direction. The problem is neither Jay nor yourself could possibly know that Jay hears things you cannot hear. He went through life (as I have) assuming that it's a clear and obvious sound, how could you not hear it? You went through life not hearing the sound, therefore not interpreting his words in light of the sound. Possibly even right now Jay still does not know that the reason eating sounds do not bother you is that you literally do not HEAR eating sounds or if you hear eating sounds they are so minor as to not even hit consciousness.

Hubby and I have dealt with this. He interprets my words according to HIS reality and I according to MY reality. Problem is I hear way more than he does, I see way more than he does, and I feel way more than he does. So if I commented on something, say a sound, he would not have any clue what I was talking about. On my part the noise was SO loud it didn't occur to me to give further information. I now know he actually had no clue what I was talking about. Or if I hear something like his toaster dings indicating it is done, I say nothing assuming he heard it because it was loud to me, but then he actually heard nothing. Then he has burned toast. Or for years I was at the entire families beck and call because I could literally hear them anywhere in the house. I was full of frustration because not one of them could hear me when they were in the same rooms. My solution to that one? I memorized which rooms they were unable to hear from (in relation to other places in the house) and now I just pretend I cannot hear them, even if I can. This has bought me a lot of relief, plus they have to solve a lot of their own problems now which is good for them.

I notice this happening with other more typical things as well. For example today we were working together and he was driving a screw into the wall in a place where he could not see but I could. So I was saying to him the screw is pointed toward the ceiling. He stops and looks and says no it's pointing down. I'm thinking, HUH??? I can SEE the screw it's pointing up. He was thinking positional, the screw is being driven downward into the wall. I was thinking about the screwhead in relation to how he would need to move the screw gun. The screw head is therefore pointed UP. Heh....

The best solution is that both of you become very aware of what things each other can actually hear. My husband and I have had quite a few conversations discussing things like, "What do you see when you drive down the road" or "what can you hear right now" and then compare lists. It also helps for the person with more acute hearing to start realizing that they really are hearing things that others do not hear and thus phrase their words in a way that would make sense to someone who does not have the audio information they have. So for example it would be good if Jay understands that you interpreted his words based on NOT hearing the chewing. That the reason you would assume he thought you a sloppy eater is because the only person who could eat loud enough to bother YOU would be someone who is a total slob. He needs to see that he HEARS better than average so sounds that bother him don't bother or don't even register with others thus altering their interpretation of his words. For your part if you can keep in mind that he may be hearing something you don't hear, or seeing something you don't see, etc... and interpret his words that way, or at least know to ask for clarification, it should reduce the amount of confusion and misunderstanding.

Jennie AS

Issues with eating noises? Misophonia?

Jay tells me yesterday, the sound of him or others around eating, drive him insane. Not just the someone being socially inept in the eating manners department, just the actual fact they are eating.

Long ago he told me he hated the sound of me eating. For 25 years, I barely ate around him. I thought he was just being a jerk, and this was one battle I wasn't willing to fight. Like he was embarrased by my eating skills. He will crank the radio up LOUD, and to me it meant he didn't want to talk during dinner time.

At a drive thru yesterday, he asked if I wanted music while we ate in the car, I said no, it kills off any interest of me having a conversation, why put the radio on if you want to talk?

Jay proceeds to tell me he NEEDS this distraction, because he hates the sound of himself eating. News to me. This has went on as long as he can remember. Told him this information would have been useful years ago, because I always thought it was because of my "disgusting" eating habits. Jay looked stunned.

He does not understand the difference in the two sentences:

Your eating noises drive me insane.

I need the radio on because my eating noises and other people's eating sounds make me not want to eat.

*Me banging head against the wall.

Exhibit A of why work is paying him to stay away. If he does this odd communication stuff with me, I'm sure as hell know Jay has done this at work.

Tried to explain the difference in social meaning between the two sentences. Jay still doesn't understand.

(1st one implying the other person has the eating skills of a barn yard animal. 2nd one means you have a serious issue, and it isn't personal against the other people eating with you)

Sigh.

25 years later the real reason comes out. Jay also told me he has problems with the mechanics of eating. His jaw gets tired, and is worries food will drop out of his mouth. That is the reason for the precise cutting of food, and other quirky table things he does.

All this information would have meant a lot less stomach acid and Xanax for me. Better late than never.

Anyone dealing with Misophonia?

Could use a little insight.

Nan (NT wife)Jay (Aspie)