At the end of my hyphae

[Guest guest]

I just want to spew for a minute. I noticed a post about asking how

to sew your landlord. I will be honest, I have retreated to my cave

again and have not read any post for the last week or two except for

the title of that one and watched the amazing video someone posted

the link to on YouTube.

I sure don't want to discourage anyone as far as legal action is

concerned. Even at a loss it must be done or this will never become

an issue and will be covered up and covered up. The writer of the

post I glanced at was exactly right to say RUN. I believe that will

be the first question asked of you is " If it was so bad, why did you

stay? " I have been given, read and given this same advice over and

over. Three years later I still say the same thing but it has come

down tho title of this post. I honestly don't know how much more my

mental or physical state can take. I am certain I am better than some

and worse than some and to tell you the truth from one hour to the

next I don't know what the hell to think. I continue to get into

these funks that I cannot understand nor tolerate much less anyone

around me which has dwindeled to my immediarte family and that is a

story in itself.

I have managed to have enough funds to figure out I am still a mess.

The doctors I have seen help but then get aggitated when all the

sudden the money runs out and you can do no more. Sometimes I fear

its a money game for them as well. I have even met people who could

help with an opinion or two but not till you pay the bill so to

speak. And then there are those who will go out of there way to

console you and if nothing else comfort you and willingly give you

whatever information they have to guide you. But in the end or at

least where I stand today it is at a complete stand still and just

before I know the fact of how bad it really is.

Yes I am saying I am frustrated, confudsed and at a loss as to what

am I supposed to do now. Sorry folks but all the CSM in the world has

apparently done nothing to make me better. There may or may not be

reasons for that I have no idea. Even in this field I have found

conflicting messages everywhere I turn. What to do with that I havbe

no idea.

I know I am not alone in these thoughts and I supose that is why I

feel comfortable posting this. God forbid I lay this on anyone else.

Well thanks fro listening Im off to pout some more...

Chris...