Introduction

June 19, 2012

AACK! My last post was pilot error. Not my stoopid new emailer, but it

could have been.

wrote:

> Hi Everyone,

>

> I am a new member and have been reading here off and on for a few

> weeks now. I am so happy to see a group where people come together

> to support each other, a group which includes both AS and NT, and one

> that isn't filled with nothing but angry, hostile people.

Welcome! Yes, ASPIRES is unique. Nothing quite like it anywhere else;

it's The Best.

>

> My husband and I just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary. Tom

> got his first unofficial diagnosis about three years ago. I say

Forty-five years for us - much of it " difficult " . Ten years or so

knowing I am AS ( " official " ). And therefor 10 years into our renewed,

now *genuinely happy* marriage.

I have grown children, grown grandchildren, and a few great-grands. At

least two, probably three of the whole bunch are AS. As it turns out,

my wife likely is " on the spectrum " as well -- somewhere.

> unofficial because the therapist Tom was seeing had no experience

> with AS at all. We have read several books on couples dealing with

> AS and I am confident this is what we are also dealing with. Tom got

> the name of a therapist who has worked with AS kids, adults and

> marriages, and we go to our first appointment in July.

[ snip ]

The best of luck to you both!

- Bill, AS, retired geneticist

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

June 22, 2012

Hi ... welcome to the group. I have been a part of aspires since November

2007. As many will attest, I have come a long way since first being in here.

This was my first message I left on aspires back on November 14, 2007. It's

kinda like putting an old VHS tape and rewinding it and playing it all over

again on the VCR.

11/14/2007

Hi everyone....

My name is . Not only do I have Asperger's but also ADHD, so I

feel like I have constant conflict within myself LOL. I was diagnosed

a few months ago with both of these conditions. I read the book, " look

me in the eye " by Robison - who has Asperger's. I went to my

first support group for ADHD yesterday. Now, I am beginning to reach

out for support with Asperger's.

I am thankful this group exists on Yahoo and that I found it. I

consider myself very fortunate in a number of ways. I have gone

through a lot of change this year, but it has been good for me. I am

the typical Aspie - hard to make friends and if I do I don't keep the

bonds strong, the perception that I like the same things over and over

again, etc. I know the best years are ahead of my life. For me, this

chapter in my life is about getting the support and such I need to move

forward.

It's good to be with other Aspergians,

There are many kindred spirits in here who I am sure will be glad to share their

experiences with you

> >

> > Hi Everyone,

> >

> > I am a new member and have been reading here off and on for a few weeks now.

I am so happy to see a group where people come together to support each other, a

group which includes both AS and NT, and one that isn't filled with nothing but

angry, hostile people.

> <snipped>

> - Helen

>

July 15, 2012

Hello, I'm Barb, a new member who is still learning how to communicate on the

Aspires site. My partner Andy and I, both in our early 60s, both self-diagnosed

as AS in February, and I am seeking information on ways to improve our

relationship. My employment has always been " pink-collar " , involving

person-to-person contact, and I've been involved in support groups as well, so

I've more or less learned to " pass " in the NT world. Andy, on the other hand,

has been in blue-collar factory jobs among " macho " males who disrespect anyone

who does NOT hide his emotions, giving him much less opportunity to learn coping

skills (other than avoidance). My adult son, also self-diagnosed AS, gave us two

books by Maxine Aston, and I plan to search out more, but need advice on how to

get Andy involved in this search for self-discovery and improving our

relationship with each other, as well as our various relationships with

relatives, within our local community, and in my workplace (Andy recently

retired). Thanks for letting me join; I'm looking forward to future

conversations.

July 15, 2012

Hello All, I guess I'll jump in now as well. My name is , short for is, and last month I didn't really know what Asperger's was. Then a friend shares an aspie quiz with me, and I scored positive. That set me off on a storm of research, then a self-diagnosis, then therapy where my therapist confirmed the diagnosis. It's been a confusing time.

My partner of nine years, Amy, has been having a hard time with it as well. She's been going through a lot of anger and upset that I didn't understand. To me, the diagnosis was a relief. It hasn't been for her. She's coming around, and she's started reading some of the material I've gathered. The books I've read indicate her reaction isn't unusual; some people go through a grieving process. But it scared me and for a while I was afraid I'd lose her because of my diagnosis. I'm less afraid now, but still a bit concerned. We just moved across the country to a new city, with new jobs, so there's been plenty of other stress as well.

Well, that's probably enough for an intro. I'm glad to have found Aspires and I hope to be able to help as well as be helped here. Thanks,

July 16, 2012

Hi (short for is welcome to the group! There are some members here

who have reported that their partners had some difficulty adjusting to their

partner's dx. of AS. It comes as a shock to some, although presumably you are

the same person now as you were before the dx, LOL! But Amy may be thinking,

" oh, so *that's it! it's hard wired in 's brain, there is no hope! " Nothing

could be further from the truth. As you start to learn about AS you will realize

that that for most, it's a difference, like being part of a different culture,

not some dreadful disease. Now that you and your partner know that you each

belong to a different " culture " you can learn how she thinks, and she can learn

how you think, and there is lots of room to meet each other in the middle if you

are both willing to work at it. Welcome to the journey!

- Helen, 57, self-dx'd AS, dx'd ADD

>

> Hello All,

> I guess I'll jump in now as well. My name is , short for is, and

> last month I didn't really know what Asperger's was. Then a friend shares

> an aspie quiz with me, and I scored positive. That set me off on a storm of

> research, then a self-diagnosis, then therapy where my therapist confirmed

> the diagnosis. It's been a confusing time.

>

> My partner of nine years, Amy, has been having a hard time with it as well.

> She's been going through a lot of anger and upset that I didn't understand.

> To me, the diagnosis was a relief. It hasn't been for her. She's coming

> around, and she's started reading some of the material I've gathered. The

> books I've read indicate her reaction isn't unusual; some people go through

> a grieving process. But it scared me and for a while I was afraid I'd lose

> her because of my diagnosis. I'm less afraid now, but still a bit

> concerned. We just moved across the country to a new city, with new jobs,

> so there's been plenty of other stress as well.

>

> Well, that's probably enough for an intro. I'm glad to have found Aspires

> and I hope to be able to help as well as be helped here.

>

> Thanks,

>

July 16, 2012

Hi Barb,

Welcome to ASPIRES. Now yours is a very interesting and hopeful story! It goes

to show just how far we have come with knowledge of Asperger Syndrome in the

past decade, that first your son self-dx'd, and gave you and your partner two

books by Maxine Aston. Wow! I am sure your son will be a good resource too.

There are many good books out there for Asperger partners and Newland

posts them on her ASPIRES website http://www.aspires-relationships.com/ but I

will just list two here which I think you like.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Journal-Best-Practices-ebook/dp/B004T4KRJM

http://www.amazon.com/The-Partners-Guide-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1849058784

While those books are about AS/NT relationships, they are applicable to you too

because as has been your own experience, generally the female AS partner, due to

our own brain wiring and gender roles in society, " blend in " more with the NT

world. We do have AS/AS couples in long term relationships here (Bill, looking

at you..) who hopefully will come forward and tell their stories too.

- Helen

>

> Hello, I'm Barb, a new member who is still learning how to communicate on the