Excerpt from upcoming book, “Parenting with a Spouse or Partner with Asperger Syndrome: Feel Like a Single Parent?”

[Guest guest]

Hi CJ:

I am glad U enjoyed the chapter. I am a big fan of Kathy as well. She is very

BIG on self-care. One of my teachers was saying, “I worry about all of you as

you are juggling so many balls in the air. You need to take care of YOU!”

A contributing factor to dysfunctional families in America has been poverty and

accessing services or a lack of services. We are an individualistic society

where we have been engrained to believe that everyone has to pull themselves up

by their own boot straps. The US leads the world in Military defense and

technology but we are 35th in infant mortality and last in childcare policies

and almost any services that strengthen families. I am taking a class on

families and poverty and it was sobering to learn that women in third world

countries receive services that American women can only dream of. The three

major areas the author addressed were family allowances, maternity/paternity

leave and tax credits. Other countries pay for these programs through taxes and

Social Security. Families and children are not a priory in the US. There is a

stigma attached to assistance programs like welfare and food stamps. Public

education, fire and police protection is considered a right where health care

insurance is a privilege. We have structural problems in the US and we also

have great strengths.

Many of our families don’t have access to the supports we need to strengthen our

families and move forward. There was a blurb on the news the other day that

more women are going back to work sooner and the big issue is safety in

childcare.

My humble opinion is that if we had better support and services for families,

the dysfunction we continue to see would start to decline. There are a zillion

factors that contribute to a dysfunctional family.

Sue: I think contributes a great perspective. I went through what you

are feeling as well. Why did I stay, what is wrong with me? With me, I always

knew “why” I stayed. My logic was faulty. Looking back, I wish I had the

support to leave earlier. But I can’t change the past. All I can do is learn

from it and move forward.

I think what is so amazing in all of us is the resiliency of the human spirit.

It is the ability to bounce back while facing adversity. We were laughing in

class about how many of us thought we grew up with privilege only to discover

later in life we were the working poor. lol

I am spiritual and believe life is a journey. Somehow I was meant to marry

Larry and like stated Larry and I have similar traits and some shared

interests, but I married him because I got pregnant and my biological clock was

ticking. I saw Larry as a diamond in the rough and all I had to do was polish

him up. That logic had been instilled and modeled to me since birth. This was

part of my family roles and rules. It is thinking errors passed down through

generations in my family. “You play the hand you are dealt”. Really? I choose

to play my hand differently and went against my family as I felt it was “my”

life and only “me” was living it. I am the rebel and black sheep in my family.

Lol I believe and this is just my personal philosophy, it is not always the

cards you are dealt, but win, lose or draw, it is how you play the hand. That

has worked for me and I know it does not work for others. We are all unique and

individuals and have to find what works for us.

Best.

Off her soap box