/ Refusal to EAT/ my dad

[Guest guest]

Hi -

Thank you for writing. There are times when recalling the experiences bring on

the tears. Yet my hope has always been to help one person through their journey

so it's all worth it. I have to say going through that time had to be one of

the toughest things I had to do. After a few days of dad not eating I called my

brother to tell him what was going on and told him he might want to visit as I

was sure dad wouldn't live very long. He came right away. Up until then it was

just dad and I...'til the end. And my brother didn't stay around long either.

I found I just couldn't leave my dad. I think it's the difference of how people

deal with situations. I know my brother was very supportive of me caring for

our dad.

I do understand how rewarding it is when our loved ones have a good day. To see

a smile or have a glimpse of the person they really are is truly a gift to be

cherished. I also think that any visit whether a struggle or a calm day is a

visit - all to be cherished. Once they are gone, there just are no more visits

of any kind.

I am so happy you are in Ron's life to help support him and to help with cares

for Betty. They are very fortunate to have you in their lives and I am sure you

feel it's mutual. Definitely a win win situation.

Sending along hugs-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

mum, (MIL), Jo, passed from LBD 4-29-07, age 78

-- Shinabarger wrote:

Sandie, your post brought tears to my eyes, how difficult that must have been

for you. And as difficult as a decision that would have been, what a wonderful

and strong person you are for respecting your fathers wishes. I am so thankful

for everyday that Betty has a 'good day', when we can get her to smile and

laugh, and I am dreading those days to come, like you just described. But I

know, that thanks to people like you and all the other folks on this group and

with one another, we'll get thru this. Thanks for sharing your memories with

us.

Re: Re: Refusal to EAT/ my dad

Hi All-

I experienced two serious situations with my dad. In January 2000 my dad had

aspiration pneumonia, couldn't swallow, and I opted for a PEG tube. Long story.

I knew my dad had a living will and didn't want to be " kept alive " yet I didn't

have anyone to bounce ideas off of. I didn't have time to think the situation

over due to an imcompetant doctor. So, my dad had a PEG feeding tube from

January to April 2000. He prevailed. The tube was removed and my dad lived on

for until Sept. 2002.

Then in Sept. 2002 my dad made a decision. It was almost as if he changed

physically over night. He went from feeding himself to me feeding him. I tried

feeding him breakfast one day and he turned away from it. I had the food taken

away. I tried again at lunch time and this time my dad was more adament about

NOT eating. He turned away and clenched his jaws. After a couple of attempts

my dad started flailing his arms at the utensil. I got it. It hit me like a

brick wall. It all made sense. I asked my dad if he wanted me to have the food

taken away and he indicated he did. I opted not to have a feeding tube this

time. I didn't see what would be gained and it was obvious my dad had made a

decision. My dad hadn't been able to talk much, just a mumbled word from time

to time for the prior 2 1/2 years yet I knew what he was indicating. So, when

the food was taken away I took my dad's hands and I told him I knew what he was

doing. He looked me

straight in the eyes. I took his hands and I told him I would support his

wishes and that " it " was ok. He and I both knew what " it " was and would be. He

squeezed my hands and grunted his " yes " . We cried together. I don't have exact

days between this and when my dad passed, wish I did. I think it was atleast a

week maybe a bit longer. My dad only took in less than a half cup of a

chocolate nutrition drink within the next week or longer and he peacefully won

his battle on September 20, 2002.

Wishing everyone well during their journey and please know I always keep

everyone in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed from LBD 9-20-02, age 65

mum, (MIL), Jo, passed from LBD 4-29-07, age 78

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