Re: Re: adjustments/Gladys&Jannis

[Guest guest]

Dear Friends,

Gladys, I pray you will have this kind of experience with your mom, too. And

Jannis, thank you for sharing how LBD and the meds have affected your mom - and

your relationship with her. So much in your description is familiar. I was also

a disappointment, a curse, unwanted. In LBD, my mom doesn't seem to remember the

abuse or any of the horrific family occurrences. Now - except when, I, too am a

poisoner or thief - I've been elevated to the most wonderful daughter a mother

could have. And she is so sincere. She has recall of many incidents, but the

cruelty and craziness have been " edited out, " leaving sweet memories of a happy

family. For her sake, I am glad. Her original mental illness, and now dementia,

are the real poisoners and thieves.

My dad, who died several years after he and mom came here to Chicago with me,

did apologize for his behavior. He was complicit, abusive because he failed to

intervene on behalf of helpless children. I did not have - or, more honestly,

make use of - opportunities to work this out with him while he was still living.

This is more of a daily sorrow than what is happening with the LBD. Given the

same gift with my mom, I want to value it. A friend says, " Your mother has

become the person God always intended her to be. "

Late night ramblings - thank you for listening. Sweet dreams to us all.

Lin

Jannis Hallford wrote:

Gladys & Lin ~

There were four of us children...I was Mom's least favorite. I am the one who

received the slaps and the hair-pulling and name-calling, etc. About 8 years

ago, she looked at me full of venom and told me I was her " life's biggest

disappointment. " When she first became ill, back 6 years ago or so, I found

myself being SOOO resentful of the fact that of the 4 of us, I was the one that

they called upon and leaned on.

The meds have changed Mom into a tender, sweet and loving person...but even in

her dementia she remembered how badly she treated me, and asked me to forgive

her during one of her lucid moments. I didn't realize when all this was going on

that there were other, deeper mental problems that were besieging her.

I bless the commode, the seat, the frame, all of it...and I thank God that now,

when they need me, I can go to them and help them with a loving heart and

without resentment. I think it will become that way for your mother also. I also

forgive Mom for the times that the dementia is raging and she asks me if I'm

satan, she accuses me of poisoning her, and thinks I've stolen her jewelry. I

know it's the disease.

When we are kids, and we are not " loved " by our parents in the same way that the

others are, we carry around huge burdens. We also carry around tapes that play

in our heads, replaying past hurts and bad memories. We just have to learn where

the stop and eject buttons are.

I pray for you to have strength and for your mother, Gladys, to reach a peaceful

existence with you. You're a saint in my books.

Jannis

" They that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up

with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; they shall walk and not

faint. " -- Isaiah 40:31

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