I need help

[Guest guest]

I don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend has Asperger's and things have

gotten really bad. First I will give you an idea of the situation. I'm a 28

year old divorced mother of three children ages 4, 7 and 8. My boyfriend is 30

years old, no children of his own, never been married (has only had one real

girlfriend ever prior to our relationship). He's a musician and that's really

his only interest, but he has not been able to play music for the past year on

any regular basis, which I think is one part of the problem. He is unemployed

except for a part time job (an hour a day 5 days a week cleaning a bank.) He

has been seeing a therapist for quite a while now, and has started taking zoloft

in November and recently when I went to his psychiatrist with him and begged

them to do something more to help, he has been taking risperdal. He has

incredibly high levels of anxiety almost all the time. He panics at just having

to get out of bed in the morning and face the day. He over reacts about

everything. The littlest of things, something that should be a non issue can

set him off. He throws " fits " at least once a week. He self injures. He often

punches himself in the head to a point of bruising his face and temple area. He

has given himself black eyes and huge bumps and bruises from bashing his head

into the bathroom counter over and over. Today he has a 4 inch scratch down the

side of his face and a bruise on the other side. I tried to stop him but he's

stronger than me and continued to hurt himself anyway. Whenever I need him to

be there for me the most, is when he's there for me the least. Whenever I have

a problem or an issue, if I am upset and need for once things to be about me, he

throws a fit and totally freaks out. I feel like I am the most insignificant

person in the world. He is almost always either being a jerk to me, or throwing

a fit and feeling sorry for himself and trying to make me feel bad or give him

attention. It's like he can't stand it if someone else has needs that are

bigger than his. It's to a point where I don't even feel like asking for

something if I need it. I have no control over my own household anymore. If he

disagrees with how I do something with my kids, then there's just no doing it

any way but his. Believe me, I've tried to get across to him that they are my

kids and I bought this house all by myself and I do a lot for everyone and

hardly anything for myself, but still he never gets it until after the fact. He

always feels bad and apologizes and sees things from my point of view (or so he

says) when it's too late and he's already thrown a fit and consumed two hours of

my day and successfully shoved my needs aside so that we can deal with his fit

and how bad he feels. I really don't know what to do. I just feel totally

hopeless. I don't feel like he cares about me at all, or at least not as much

as he cares about himself. He never, ever sets his own feelings aside to help

me deal with how I might be feeling. No matter how many times I try to explain

to him what he does, and give him tips on how he can help me, he just refuses to

change any of it. I just don't know what to do. I don't even know if any of what

I said even makes sense. I am sure I've left a lot out. It's so hard to explain.

I feel like no one really gets what I am going through. I try to talk to his

doctors but I still feel like even they don't get it. I feel so very alone. If

I've left anything out, please feel free to ask me as many questions as you

want. I need help so bad right now. I am desperate.