I need some help (LONG)

[Guest guest]

Hi CJ:

I can only offer you my humble perspective that mirrors Bill, Greg & Jennie.

The group you are in is for adults with Asperger’s. There are some folks with

rigid thinking. There are also many NT/NS folks that are rigid thinkers.

True or false: Men are better at math and science? Some folks believe this and

can argue left vs. right brain thinkers or genetics. The reality is NO. Anyone

can learn math or science or retrain your brain to do almost anything with a lot

of practice.

Like you, I post articles for informational purposes. It does not mean I

endorse them. I post them for educational purposes and to generate discussion.

Some folks are interested and some say they are junk. Our perspectives are

different as we look at life through different lens. That is how it should be

as we are all unique.

For instance, I was in class a few weeks ago and we were discussing domestic

violence in families. The professor handed out the standard wheel. The reality

is there are many wheels for every culture. The core of violence is the same,

but it looks different in every culture. Meyer was the first to write

about domestic violence in the AS community. It never meant that AS adults are

violent, but it did mean they are not exempt for all the same reason any other

human being goes down this road and this is what it looks like in our community.

Spread your light where you can, and forget the others. They are on their own

road to the mountain. It is not your responsibility to carry them to the top of

the mountain. They have to walk up themselves on their own timetable.

I just finished a parenting/research class and one of my goals was to remember

my kids have their own agenda and timetable. Hey, if it was up to me, my two

youngest would be enrolled full time in college. Sadly that is not their

choice. I look back and laugh at my transcripts when I was their age and forced

to go to college. Some students and I laugh and say, who had the most D’s and

F’s years ago? Now we are ho nor students. Who knew? Who would of thought?

You have to want it.

I would leave you with a story I posted on face book. There once was this llama

that folks would travel up the mountain to see every day. These were these two

boys that thought they could get the best of the llama One day there they would

hike up the mountain with a hummingbird in their hand. . Here was their plan.

They would ask the Llama if the bird was alive or dead. If the llama said the

bird were alive, they would crush it. It the llama said the bird was dead, they

would open their hands, and the bird would fly away. Either way, they would

prove the llama wrong. The big day comes and many in the village are there to

witness this event. They ask the llama is the bird alive or dead? Without

missing a beat he says, “How should I know as you hold this bird in your

hands?”What are you going to do CJ?

Best

[Guest guest]

Wow, CJ, I'm glad I know nothing about that group!

Excuse me for not replying ... in addition to last week's heat wave (which laid

me low -- I hate heat and " you don't need air conditioning in New England " ), I

was having abdominal pain all week, ending Friday in the Emergency Room where we

found out I can make nice big gallstones without a gallbladder. Fortunately I'm

in good health otherwise, the procedure was almost non-invasive, and I recovered

quickly. But as you can imagine, my focus was not on e-lists!

I've learned not to put too much of myself " on the line " in e-lists, and I have

left a few that were too stressful to me, even though I had good information to

share. I do understand wanting to stay, though.

If you stay, you should try to stop *caring* what these people think about you.

The bully isn't reacting to *you*, she's using you as the whipping post for her

own troubles. She probably feels safe in bashing you, because " it's just the

internet, not real life. "

--Liz

>

> I debated about sharing this topic again, as I made a reference to the

> situation last week and it didn't seem to generate any interest beyond a

> one-liner or two. I was somewhat disappointed, as I rarely ask for help

> in this group, as most of my challenges cannot be resolved here.

[Guest guest]

> For instance, I was in class a few weeks ago and we were discussing domestic

violence in families. The professor handed out the standard wheel. The reality

is there are many wheels for every culture. The core of violence is the same,

but it looks different in every culture. Meyer was the first to write

about domestic violence in the AS community. It never meant that AS adults are

violent, but it did mean they are not exempt for all the same reason any other

human being goes down this road and this is what it looks like in our community.

I don't have anything much to add to this paragraph except a big Been There,

Done That. I have far more anecdotes about AS abuse and anger from the 20 years

I lived with my angry AS ex.

I learned about the wheel when I was researching my own abuse. [i thought it

couldn't be abuse because he never touched me in anger and never screamed direct

insults at me. I was wrong.] The original wheel is a product of fairly radical

feminists, and intentionally biased against men.

I developed my own wheel, that fit my experiences better. It focuses on abuse

during the divorce process, but can apply to any relationship.

http://polymathsolution.com/blog/2012/03/14/power-and-control-wheel-for-divorce/

My ex didn't do everything in my wheel, but he did enough.

[Feel free to share the wheel. If you do, add a comment on the blog telling how

you are sharing.]

--Liz

[Guest guest]

Glad they sorted you out, Liz. xx

From Judy Barrow

To: aspires-relationships Sent: Monday, 23 July 2012, 13:20Subject: Re: I need some help (LONG)Wow, CJ, I'm glad I know nothing about that group!Excuse me for not replying ... in addition to last week's heat wave (which laid me low -- I hate heat and "you don't need air conditioning in New England"), I was having abdominal pain all week,

ending Friday in the Emergency Room where we found out I can make nice big gallstones without a gallbladder. Fortunately I'm in good health otherwise, the procedure was almost non-invasive, and I recovered quickly. But as you can imagine, my focus was not on e-lists!I've learned not to put too much of myself "on the line" in e-lists, and I have left a few that were too stressful to me, even though I had good information to share. I do understand wanting to stay, though.If you stay, you should try to stop *caring* what these people think about you. The bully isn't reacting to *you*, she's using you as the whipping post for her own troubles. She probably feels safe in bashing you, because "it's just the internet, not real life."--Liz> > I debated about sharing this topic again, as I made a reference to the > situation last week and it didn't seem to

generate any interest beyond a > one-liner or two. I was somewhat disappointed, as I rarely ask for help > in this group, as most of my challenges cannot be resolved here.------------------------------------ "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference.ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission.

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