What about feelings

[Guest guest]

Since we have been talking about anger and the like I have found

myself in a day that I think might be very pertinant and good thought

and conversation.

Let me set this up. There is a lady at my parents church in the

counseling office that I have had many conversations with and has

been a good friend and help. I dont know much of her history but had

been healthy that I know of. Well a month ago or so they found a

large cist in her side. She went into the hospital, had it drained

and went back home being told it was not cancerous. Being close to

comeing back to work I found out yesturday that she was back in the

hospital and that it was indeed cancerous and spreading fast. She was

un responsive. I raced to gather Doug Haneys papers and the otherr

posts that had discussed cancer just in case, maybe I could help.

Plus VERY ironicly last tuesday Our councelor who questioned my

illness at one time had mentioned he read that cancer could be fungal

related. I was floored. I felt believed for the first time really. So

this morning I am getting emotional and frantic trying to get any

info I could to the right people. Also my dad had to go to the

hospital this morning for a procedure to check his heart. If the need

was therre he would right then have open hert surgery.

As you can imagine I was getting a little out of control. I went to

the post office to mail something sold on ebay to find out someone

has cleaned out my paypal account and while standing there someone

else stold my sunglasses right in front of me.

I then went to the pharmacy to collect my meds to find out that the

doctor is out of town for the weekend and could not aprove me getting

them today since the pharmacy would be closed on Monday even though I

had set this up in advance, a technicallity stoped it.

Now I cant make this stuff up. I sat down at the computer before I

really let all of this set in and as I always do hit check mail. I

read the following:

Let me start out by saying, praise God for His provisional love and

His sovereignty in all things.My mom went home to be with the Lord

Thursday evening. We are very sad to lose her here on earth and we

will miss spending time with her, but we look forward to seeing her

one day in the place God has prepared for His children. My mom

physically had declined rapidly these last few days especially, and

she knew that without a miracle from God that she would not recover.

If she could not stay here and get better, she wanted to move on to

be with God if it be His will. She just wanted to see her sons and

loved ones one last time before she passed and her prayer was

answered. Her sons were with her as well as other close family and

friends. The amazing thing was that based on the information from the

doctors and our own observations, I did not think we would ever talk

with her again. To our surprise, she popped up and started talking

once everybody was there in her room. She started by saying " We are

all here! " with a smile. She addressed everyone individually as she

could physically and was able to talk with everyone present and

wanted a hug from everyone (she received and gave plenty of hugs).

After saying her words to each person she expressed her wishes that

everyone in there " be with God " , meaning come to know the Lord Jesus

Christ as she had years ago. She expressed in her own words to all

those gathered around how much she wanted all who were there who did

not know the Lord to come to Him. She wanted everyone to know that

she had been called by God and was without a doubt going to be with

Him soon. She made that so clear, and it was amazing coming from

someone who had just been unresponsive and only mumbling things here

and there. After she said her words to everyone she said she

was " ready to go! " She wanted everyone to leave so she could " go

home " . Lou and I prayed with her that it would be God's timing and

not ours. She agreed by saying " yes, God's timing! " . She then

insisted everyone clear out so she could go and be with the Lord. We

all left and I peeked in on her every few minutes to find her

praying. After an hour or so I went in and prayed with her and she

prayed with me that if God willed she wanted to go home at that time.

I then left the room as she requested and 15 or so minutes later she

was gone to be with the Lord. I typed all of that so that you would

know that God without a doubt answered many prayers tonight and we

are so thankful for that... For starters, He provided comfort for my

mom through the great facilities and people at UAB, He orchestrated

my mom's time with family (which was a prayer answered for my mom and

my family as we wanted to talk with her as well), she was awake and

not in pain while she visited with the people she wanted to see, and

He called her home to Himself quickly as she requested in prayer

after seeing everyone.So, this is sad in the sense that my mom is

gone from here, but we are all so thankful that she is with the Lord

now and she " knew " that she was without a doubt going to " go home "

to " be with God " .There will be a service for her at Eastwood and I

will send out all of the details as soon as we know more.Thank you

again for all of the prayers. Please continue to pray for my family

and also that God would use this to bring others to Himself. My mom

loved everyone at Eastwood and she was so glad that the Lord called

her to Himself just a few years ago and he did it through Eastwood.-

Adam

Much like you might feel right now after reading this, I went numb.

my mom is crying and talking and I had to actually tell her I could

not feel. I could not be an ear to help her grieve. I did and do not

know what emotion I am experiencing or should. I am numb.

Now my faith somehow stops me and tells me the reality of the

situation. Just like my uncle Bill not long ago. It was oh so

peacefull and beautiful. In Gods way of things My anxiety problems

said, they did not get hit by a bus, fall out of the sky or suffer

through a long exhausting slow death. It was beautiful and in Gods

way. I should rejoice.

My brain kicks back in confusing me again from reality and I go numb

again. What if, could have. Oh so many emotions rush me telling lies

and confusing me from the truth of the situation. This story is

drastic as an example of the craziness of dealing with confusing

times but is it not drastic enough to comfort some.

Just when you think it has gotten the worst, or the best, there is

another curve thrown at you and so fast that even trying to

rationalize the emotions you have to stand up, dust yourself of and

deal with the next storm a comeing. Is there a lesson in this long

post somewhere? I felt compeled to share this day with you all.

Chris...

[Guest guest]

thank you for sharing. Bless you for all that you went through on that day

and for being able to stay mindful throughout. I know you felt yourself to be in

and out of various states. But there is no perfection-- the fact is you were

able to share and articulate these complex experiences and emotions. No small

feat with all that you and many of us have on our plates these days. I admire

you.

Sam

> Since we have been talking about anger and the like I have

> found myself in a day that I think might be very pertinant and

> good thought and conversation.

[Guest guest]

Hey Sam, I really appriciate that. Sometimes when I sit down and ramble like

thast is serves as not only my theropy but a journal of sorts. I cant seem to

keep a real one. Funny thing is that that was yesturday and it is all a haze

now. It seems like so long ago. I dont quite understand that or whether that is

a good or bad thing but it is what it is. Ya know.

 

Chris...

> Since we have been talking about anger and the like I have

> found myself in a day that I think might be very pertinant and

> good thought and conversation.