Anger

January 16, 2005

Hi everyone ... I don't post that often and am rather newly diagnosed with

RA (but have suffered for several years). I read your posts and just want to

tell you that I am inspired by each of you! What a wonderful community this

is! I so admire the courage, the knowledge and the inspiration found here.

I just wanted to weigh in on the anger and outburst stuff. For me, I am

generally much more sad about this condition rather than angry. Sometimes I

just get so fatigued and overwhelmed -- like the other night when my daughter

told me we were out of cat litter and I had to go back out to get some for our

cat. Grrrrrr. I felt the flash of anger as I was so looking forward to

getting comfortable and settled in for the evening! Then horror among horrors,

I

felt my eyes well up with tears! What the heck??!! All this because I needed

to get in the car and run less than 2 miles up the road to get cat litter!

This is NOT who I am!

I do a lot of personal development work and one of the things that I am

working on now is recognizing and naming the anger when it shows up. As a person

who has a biz professionally in the people-helping business, as I see many

others are here, we tend to deny our own pain, needs, anger, etc.

Anyhow, once I pinpoint the anger, I have been working with a distinction

that has helped me and it may help some of you too. When I feel the anger, I

can consciously choose to continue to be angry or I can choose to be

compassionate. When I am angry, I have NO CONTROL over the feelings or what is

happening. I am just REACTIVE. However, when I CHOOSE to be compassionate

(toward

others, myself, my body, God, etc.) instead of angry, that is something I am

controlling. It is a chosen RESPONSE and it feels much better to me to have

more control over my situation, even if it is just a little bit.

Please understand that like everyone here, I am most definitely a work in

progress and I certainly have not had some of the experiences that others have,

however, this is just one small thing that may be helpful. Sometimes I am

good at it and frankly, sometimes I suck at it. But the other thing is, our

RA-riddled bodies are already angry and in pain -- perhaps when we show a

little more compassion and kindness to our bodies, they heal even in the

tiniest

ways.

This may sound too " woo-wooish " to some, but, for me, I certainly would

rather focus on the good and possibilities rather than be stuck and at war with

m

y body. You may want to try the technique and see how it works for you. At

the very least, it may help our blood pressures!!! :-)

Love and Prayers to all!

Beth

January 16, 2005

beth, very well said... i, too sometimes feel so tired and hurt so bad, that i

just can't handle it... i have had many talks with my husband and we are still

working out things... he helps me so much... i find that it is comunication that

helps the most.... i sometimes can't even get my gas cap off so i cna get gas...

grrrrr.. how embarrassing, i think... people look at ya like you are nuts

because you look ok...

well... off to read more e-mails..

rae

[ ] Re: Anger

Hi everyone ... I don't post that often and am rather newly diagnosed with

RA (but have suffered for several years). I read your posts and just want to

tell you that I am inspired by each of you! What a wonderful community this

is! I so admire the courage, the knowledge and the inspiration found here.

I just wanted to weigh in on the anger and outburst stuff. For me, I am

generally much more sad about this condition rather than angry. Sometimes I

just get so fatigued and overwhelmed -- like the other night when my daughter

told me we were out of cat litter and I had to go back out to get some for

our

cat. Grrrrrr. I felt the flash of anger as I was so looking forward to

getting comfortable and settled in for the evening! Then horror among

horrors, I

felt my eyes well up with tears! What the heck??!! All this because I needed

to get in the car and run less than 2 miles up the road to get cat litter!

This is NOT who I am!

I do a lot of personal development work and one of the things that I am

working on now is recognizing and naming the anger when it shows up. As a

person

who has a biz professionally in the people-helping business, as I see many

others are here, we tend to deny our own pain, needs, anger, etc.

Anyhow, once I pinpoint the anger, I have been working with a distinction

that has helped me and it may help some of you too. When I feel the anger, I

can consciously choose to continue to be angry or I can choose to be

compassionate. When I am angry, I have NO CONTROL over the feelings or what

is

happening. I am just REACTIVE. However, when I CHOOSE to be compassionate

(toward

others, myself, my body, God, etc.) instead of angry, that is something I am

controlling. It is a chosen RESPONSE and it feels much better to me to have

more control over my situation, even if it is just a little bit.

Please understand that like everyone here, I am most definitely a work in

progress and I certainly have not had some of the experiences that others

have,

however, this is just one small thing that may be helpful. Sometimes I am

good at it and frankly, sometimes I suck at it. But the other thing is, our

RA-riddled bodies are already angry and in pain -- perhaps when we show a

little more compassion and kindness to our bodies, they heal even in the

tiniest

ways.

This may sound too " woo-wooish " to some, but, for me, I certainly would

rather focus on the good and possibilities rather than be stuck and at war

with m

y body. You may want to try the technique and see how it works for you. At

the very least, it may help our blood pressures!!! :-)

Love and Prayers to all!

Beth

January 16, 2005

beth

thanks for posting your email..i am glad you wrote

it..i go from being angry to mad, to getting depressed

but i have realized that i still got to keep the house

going..i really dont have any family except my husband

and i have two teenagers..my son is a senior this year

and i have to keep going even tho their are times when

i want to just stay in bed and never get up...smile..

jan in alabama

--- Rae Sandberg <Raes_Yorkies@...> wrote:

> beth, very well said... i, too sometimes feel so

> tired and hurt so bad, that i just can't handle

> it... i have had many talks with my husband and we

> are still working out things... he helps me so

> much... i find that it is comunication that helps

> the most.... i sometimes can't even get my gas cap

> off so i cna get gas... grrrrr.. how embarrassing, i

> think... people look at ya like you are nuts because

> you look ok...

>

> well... off to read more e-mails..

>

> rae

>

> [ ] Re: Anger

>

> Hi everyone ... I don't post that often and am

> rather newly diagnosed with

> RA (but have suffered for several years). I read

> your posts and just want to

> tell you that I am inspired by each of you! What

> a wonderful community this

> is! I so admire the courage, the knowledge and

> the inspiration found here.

>

> I just wanted to weigh in on the anger and

> outburst stuff. For me, I am

> generally much more sad about this condition

> rather than angry. Sometimes I

> just get so fatigued and overwhelmed -- like the

> other night when my daughter

> told me we were out of cat litter and I had to go

> back out to get some for our

> cat. Grrrrrr. I felt the flash of anger as I was

> so looking forward to

> getting comfortable and settled in for the

> evening! Then horror among horrors, I

> felt my eyes well up with tears! What the

> heck??!! All this because I needed

> to get in the car and run less than 2 miles up

> the road to get cat litter!

> This is NOT who I am!

>

> I do a lot of personal development work and one of

> the things that I am

> working on now is recognizing and naming the anger

> when it shows up. As a person

> who has a biz professionally in the people-helping

> business, as I see many

> others are here, we tend to deny our own pain,

> needs, anger, etc.

>

> Anyhow, once I pinpoint the anger, I have been

> working with a distinction

> that has helped me and it may help some of you

> too. When I feel the anger, I

> can consciously choose to continue to be angry or

> I can choose to be

> compassionate. When I am angry, I have NO CONTROL

> over the feelings or what is

> happening. I am just REACTIVE. However, when I

> CHOOSE to be compassionate (toward

> others, myself, my body, God, etc.) instead of

> angry, that is something I am

> controlling. It is a chosen RESPONSE and it

> feels much better to me to have

> more control over my situation, even if it is

> just a little bit.

>

> Please understand that like everyone here, I am

> most definitely a work in

> progress and I certainly have not had some of the

> experiences that others have,

> however, this is just one small thing that may be

> helpful. Sometimes I am

> good at it and frankly, sometimes I suck at it.

> But the other thing is, our

> RA-riddled bodies are already angry and in pain --

> perhaps when we show a

> little more compassion and kindness to our bodies,

> they heal even in the tiniest

> ways.

>

> This may sound too " woo-wooish " to some, but, for

> me, I certainly would

> rather focus on the good and possibilities rather

> than be stuck and at war with m

> y body. You may want to try the technique and see

> how it works for you. At

> the very least, it may help our blood pressures!!!

> :-)

>

> Love and Prayers to all!

> Beth

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

January 17, 2005

Thanks Rae and Jan for your comments on being overwhelmed. My husband is

great too -- very helpful and supportive. I like to tell him that everyday I

am giving him a chance to be a " hero. " Fortunately, most men like to feel

like heroes to their wives and so he does more than his share ... I am

grateful.

However, like you and probably most women (no disrespect intended to Larry

or househusbands), things still have to be done. I have teenagers 19, 17 and

15. I also try to keep up with the house, groceries, etc. In addition, I

am self employed and keep my business running in spite of the diagnosis of RA.

It's a LOT, even if one is completely healthy.

One thing I am learning is that sometimes it is just one MINUTE at a time.

The better I take care of myself, the more I can give to others, house,

business, etc.

Warmly,

Beth

January 17, 2005

nicely said, beth... i too am self employed and keep everyting up.. i also noe

have my sister to take care for the rest of our lives... mom passed away of lung

cancer, so shellie lives with us... she is 41 yrs and has cerebral palsy with

mild retardation.. she is great, she takes full care of her self.. but i still

have to make sure meds and everything are ok....

later, rae

[ ] Re: Anger

Thanks Rae and Jan for your comments on being overwhelmed. My husband is

great too -- very helpful and supportive. I like to tell him that everyday I

am giving him a chance to be a " hero. " Fortunately, most men like to feel

like heroes to their wives and so he does more than his share ... I am

grateful.

However, like you and probably most women (no disrespect intended to Larry

or househusbands), things still have to be done. I have teenagers 19, 17 and

15. I also try to keep up with the house, groceries, etc. In addition, I

am self employed and keep my business running in spite of the diagnosis of

RA.

It's a LOT, even if one is completely healthy.

One thing I am learning is that sometimes it is just one MINUTE at a time.

The better I take care of myself, the more I can give to others, house,

business, etc.

Warmly,

Beth

January 17, 2005

In a message dated 1/17/2005 3:37:35 P.M. Eastern Standard Time,

writes:

nicely said, beth... i too am self employed and keep everyting up.. i also

noe have my sister to take care for the rest of our lives... mom passed away

of lung cancer, so shellie lives with us... she is 41 yrs and has cerebral

palsy with mild retardation.. she is great, she takes full care of her self..

but i still have to make sure meds and everything are ok....

Wow, Rae .. you sure do have your hands full. How fortunate your sister is

to have you and I imagine you probably feel fortunate to have her too. Just

remember to take good care of YOU!

Love and Prayers,

Beth

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Philippians 4:8 (The Message):

Friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on

things that are true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious -- the

best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things

to curse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

August 28, 2008

I know we discussed anger here on the board a week or so ago, at

that time I wasn't too sure where my thoughts were going on this.

But after talking to a couple of people I realized that what was

happening to me was also happening to them and it is much more

extensive than was mentioned here. Hopefully someone else will read

this and realize that they are not the only one experiencing this.

For the past several months I have been having weekly, sometimes

daily boughts of anger. It seems the littlest thing, a wrong look, a

tone of voice, or for no apparent reason I will lose it. And when I

mean lose it I mean down and out screaming, throwing things,

verbally attacking and this can go on for hours and at times days.

Not all to the same extent, but dang close to it.

I did notice just the other day that just before my " fit " I get very

antzy, I couldn't stay in one place, or concentrate on one thing. It

was like I was on speed (or at least that is how it looked to

others). My insides were all shaking, but nothing that could be seen

on the outside. Everything was on attack mode.

Can I blame it on fronts coming through, mold plumes, chemical hit,

things in my personal life going funky, the brain and neuro damage

that this junk has caused, or all of the above or something else all

together. It's anyones guess.

KC did contact Dr.Singer and asked him and unfortunately anger is

part of the symptoms. To what extent, depends on alot of things and

not everyone will experience it. Now mind you I have been sick for

11 years from this stuff and this is just now cropping up. I and my

family could definately have done without this ugly monster showing

up.

I'm sure KC can explain to some extent what it is doing to him. He

never knows which Sharon he will encounter, or when " pycho _itch "

(not sure who coined that name) will show up. Even my joking, which

many who know me personally know can be a bit on the sharp side,

comes in question as to whether I'm actually joking or getting ready

to get fired up again.

Normally I don't go into any personal issues concerning myself,

don't want anyone to think I'm whinning or wanting attention, but

this issue really had me worried, especially when I was hearing more

and more people dealing with it, that I felt it was time to bring it

up.

I am finding that even the strongest family support gets very thin

when it comes to this on a constant basis. They don't know what is

going on, how to help, what to say or not to say, when to hold and

unfortunately when to run for the hills for their own personal,

mental or emotional safety. KC has been with me through all of the

various symtpoms, but this one has gotten even to him, even to the

point of almost dreading to come home and as many of you know that's

not him. We are trying to deal with this together, but we are also

having to deal with it alone.

Sharon C.

August 28, 2008

Like a box of chocoletes,my family never knows who they will get.

I've been tring to explain to them for quite a while what I've

reconized in that a reaction to even smells they carry on their

cloths can cause major mood swings to me, from aggetation to

stuttering to out right crying fits. I cry just as hard at furnerals

as I do at weddings, nothing like a mixture of perfumes and colones

to really put me in a tail spin. even the tinyest amount of lingering

laundry soap or the scent of shampoo coming off of someone,miced with

other smells from places they been that day can cause effects on me

if they are here very long in my space. I took me a ehile to realize

this one but I finally realized it one night when my grandson spent

the night and I just kept felling worse and worse and knew something

was getting to me by my symptoms and a very tiny effect on my sinuses

that kept getting worse. I finally figured out it was his cloths and

gave him some of mine and put his in a plastic bag. theres been times

I thought I made it through the grocery store without any major

effects but by the time I got to the car I was haveing major melt

down. I'm constantly telling my daughter I'm sorry and trying to

explain that I cant help the emotional rollercoaster that just

getting out around all these smells causes me. it's like something

flips a switch inside me and turns on a emotion. it has nothing to do

with regular run of the mill fellings, it's goverened by

smells/chemicals.

August 28, 2008

I suspect is kind of like seizure activity--which happens after a

kindling effect spreads in the brain. Maybe it is easier to have these

" seizure " episodes of anger or crying or whatever, in a brain that is

somewhat damaged by toxins or trauma.

It is very hard to know what you're reacting to. I still don't know if

there were chemical or mold toxins in the sweater in my little washer.

I'm also totally horribly stuffed up today with popping ears and I was

very very upset about it (beautiful weather--so why????) and then I

realized that in recent days I had drunk store bought milk and that's

probably what's triggering this sinus inflammation. I can handle raw

Amish dairy but if I kept a food diary I'd probably find that store

bought milk led to sinus congestion.

I'm not sure about it. But I have a strong hunch so no more store

bought milk for me. But this points to how nebulous things are when

you're sick--and when it is not easily isolated to just mold.

August 28, 2008

Sounds just like myself!!! I was a teacher so you can imagine my days!!!

I have read where TOXIC OVERLOAD causes personality changes, and I

can very much agree with that! At the height of my exposure(s) I was

absolutly intolorant of everything and became so very much unlike my

self, in the way of sarcastic and mean comments or answers to

questions. There was a point where I almost became violent with one

of my co workers and another co worker had to intercept my attitude

and send me off in another direction to cool off. At the same time

all of these emotions were taking place, I was also experiencing

chest pain, palpatations and skipped beats, hyperactivity, high

anxieties, and an inability to tolorate any amount of stress. I was

previously very polite and very much a quiet type but also

a " Do'er " , a go getter and a no non-sense person. Suddenly I was

B*tching about every little thing as if it were the end of the world

and it was someones fault, and I became quite mouthy. Yikes! A

Personality change for sure!

Since I have been away from the TOXIC ENVIRONMENT, It has taken 1

year to realize just how badly I have been affected and changed. I

still have bouts of intolorence and irritabilities, but I am able to

recognize it and put my self in a diff frame of mind to talk my self

out of such rage, which is very hard to do at times.

**************It's only a deal if it's where you want to go. Find your travel

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August 28, 2008

Most of my health problems from the toxic mold exposure were cognitive problems,

liver problems and immune system damage. I don't know or understand why the

Lamisil made such a difference, but I'm glad it did. I am functioning better

than I have in a very long time.

August 28, 2008

Sharon, as you have said, you are now aware you are not alone. I dont have an

educated answer for this only personal opinion. The liver thing makes sence, but

lets be honest. That makes sence for those who do not have damage being done to

the brain. Mind over matter right. Well if the mind goes haywire the matter

becomes the source of the problem so it seems. I personally believe that

whatever it is that is going on in our body that is affecting thwe brain even in

the most minute way directly affects our moods. I feel likew I can say this with

some sort of authority because I have serious back and neck problems (I have not

let the cat out of the bag on this one yet) I also have other problems bolth

personally and physicly. On my worst days with those problems I can smile be

happy and crack a joke or two. Example: A family member and I got into a VERY

heated discussion not long ago. I believe even the nicest person would have

blown a complete circute. I

was so not bothered by it I found this persons behavior so funny I burst out

into laughter. (I do not recommend this) another time, same thing same

circumstance everything only this time I feel like if I had a hammer in my hand

I would have crushed every bone in this persons body and then cused the pile of

bones out (Not literaly of course)

I pay VERY close attention to my moods, what I am feeling, what is wrong when. I

feel I have to because like you said. The last thing you want to do is be a pain

in everyones body, mind or soul. I know the very moment when this mood shift

happens almost everytime. I could label it bipolar, manic or some other term but

horse *^$ & @. All this stuff I am learning about the damage done to my brain

tells me I am stupid (Im kidding) there just seems to be those moments in time

when you just cant hold up the whole Im ok thing. I know that is not much of an

explanation but I am not sure there is one really. I supose it is better to be

aware of and embrace these moments. By embrace I can only mean now that they are

going to happen and have a evacuation plan for the rest of the household. (ok,

another joke) What seems to work best for me is a hot bath with epsome salt and

then to be just left alone unless I ring my bell.

Again, not much of an explination and maybe not much help other than to say once

again, your not alone with this problem. While most of the time it sucks that I

am staying with my parents, but at times like this it is a godsend because I

close my door and am left alone. They have even left the house for the weekend

to avoid me. So yes, it is much harder in your situation where it doesnt work

like that. Hopefully somewhere in all this there will be a time when someone

will have a bright idea, and we will have an answer or better yet a solution,

but for now this is all I can offer. I hope it is of some comfort as you smack

KC in the head with a skillet.

Luv you guys, really

Chris...

From: tigerpaw2c <tigerpaw2c@...>

Subject: [] Anger

Date: Thursday, August 28, 2008, 11:08 AM