Guest guest Posted November 22, 2011 Report Share Posted November 22, 2011 Hi Jerry: , the list owner here. All new members are set to moderation and I some how screwed up and deleted your post by accident when trying to approve it as I was just putting spaces between your paragraphs to make it easier to read. I have changed your setting allowing you to post with out moderation. Can you please resend your post to the group? This is all that was left of your post and I am so sorry!!!!!!!!!! hi, my name is Jerry Bourne & am 65 with a new dx(2/22/11) of Aspergers. at least that is what the nuero psychologist said verbally but on paper she put PDD-NOS & ADHD. she said if she could would also add Anxiety Disorder. on paper this looks bleak & i have had many challenges in my life especially relationship wise (3rd marriage). but i can tell you this i was able to fufill my military duty(honorable discharge fm. U.S.C.G. i worked for 38 yrs. for the state ofCA.(mental hospitals-ha!), have been happily married to an understanding & supportive wife who is very happy to know my........... My sincere apologies. Welcome to ASPIRES! List Owner Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 3, 2012 Report Share Posted January 3, 2012 Welcome !I truly hope you find the support, info, insight you seek in this group. I hope your baby is doing well a year or so after this heart surgery.Being a new mom, while juggling/navigating an AS Dx on a SO is a feat and only for the strong, and my warmest hug to you. It's almost as if you must put baby down/aside just to see how you can make hubby feel better or at ease, no matter what. I feel your lonliness, your emptyness and many of us have been there, I have been there plenty, as I have 2 sons, a dx 8 year old and an energetic lil 3 year old Einstein. I can understand your questioning on your hubby's avoidance w baby, as I too experienced something similar when babies were born, I was alone and he didn't bond w them or seemed to acknowledge my needs. My hubby's a wonderful provider, he's on top of our every need; but he seemed rather absent when it came to baby, and annoyed by constant crying, later w the yelling/screeching screams or cries. He's gotten a whole lot better and more tolerant on "kids just being kids", but it was tough the first 6 years of parenting, as he expected a 3 year old to behave and sit quietly as a 10 year old in military school.The lonliness or empty feeling can come and go, but sometimes, even w hubby making the effort to perhaps help or comfort you, and you see it, but you still feel empty. I'm glad to know therapy has helped your husband, but you might benefit from therapy as well, by yourself and perhaps eventually together. The trick is finding experienced therapists w AS relationships. Also, never underestimate the power of female connections/bonds/mentors, they are your lifeline to your sanity to say the least. I know it is very hard to do, bc I still struggle to do so in person, but you must plug into a source of support/strength/encouragement and fun and in person if all possible, to fill that Love tank. Yes, your husband should be the provider of that love, but oftentimes, in my experience, they miss. Our children fill in as well, but there's only so much relief you can decompress on baby talk. ;-)Finding out what works for you two may take time, but never stop trying to figure each other out. You'll be amazed a year from now, heck 6 mos from now how far you've come just bc you took the time to search, learn and grow. Of course, the effort must be mutual and ongoing. Finding the best way to communicate is key. Some of us use texting or emails as prime mode of communicating, others use big boards at home w lists, calendars, post its, color coded tabs, spiral notebooks, etc. Simplifying lists, requests, needs, wants, and expressing them has worked wonders for others. The ideas are endless, one has to work. ;-)You are not alone, there are more of us out there, they just don't know it yet! ;-)Be well, stay connected, and I wish you the very best!Cheers!BlancaBlanca M. Lara RochaSender: aspires-relationships Date: Mon, 02 Jan 2012 14:50:02 -0000To: <aspires-relationships >ReplyTo: aspires-relationships Subject: New member Hi,My name is and my husband has just been diagnosed with high functioning Aspergers. We have been married 3 years and together 5 and have a 17 month old son. I'm very excited to find this group and I'm hoping others will help me understand my husband better. This last few years have been really rough for us, had a really hard time holding a job. But since the diagnosis and help for our therapist he is doing much better. Our son was born with a heart condition that required surgery at 6 months old and during the whole process I didn't understand why he was vacant? He would say inappropriate things and caused a lot of drama within the family. The worst part was that he was unable to bond with our son, out of fear. I won't lie that I almost gave up on him, but I'm thankful that I didn't. For those other spouses, please tell me how you have delt with the lonliness that comes with this diagnosis? Thanks so much Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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