(was Re: Introduction () change of dynamic after diagnosis (long)

July 23, 2012

Hi ,

I was back in my garden before the heat of the day makes that impossible when I

remembered I had not acknowledged your post yet, so I am back in here to do this

now. When I read your story I thought, WOW, here is a horrific example of how

" Cassandra " can come into play in a dysfunctional AS/NT marriage.

Many years ago I witnessed similar dynamics in another marriage horribly gone

wrong. It led to the very premature death of the NT partner. Her physical and

mental health was ruined by her crazy making experiences at the hands of a

brilliant and highly respected but very aloof, mind-blind and almost diabolical

husband. This happened in a time when nothing was known about AS, so on the

outside, he seemed like such a nice guy to everyone else. Only his surviving

adult children (who have since learned about AS) know differently.

Yours is the kind of story one HOPES would not happen to anyone, not even your

worst adversary. The fact that you have been able to move forward in life, and

show even more empathy and understanding is a testament to your own mental

stability and strength of character. Many would have been destroyed by that

experience. I'm so glad you came to the group as yours is a story which needs to

be repeated.

Yes, as person who proudly counts myself on the AS side of the spectrum, I

nevertheless acknowledge that some of our own are " bad apples. " Often the true

nature of the dysfunctional dynamic in such a marriage. marriage is not readily

apparent. It can make the formerly emotionally healthy partner look like they

are the crazy one. I will stand up and speak back to those who want to deny the

existence of " Cassandra " in some AS/NT marriages.. it's real.

It not only happens in AS/NT marriages, and that needs to be understood too.

However, for those have survived it and are new to this group, we need to

validate their feelings so they know they weren't imagining things. At that time

it's not really helpful if we point out that " Cassandra phenomenon " exists in a

variety of settings - eg. a corrupt corporate environment - not just in some

dysfunctional AS/NT marriages. We can can save that one for later. We need to

mature as a spectrum community and acknowledge the " elephant under the rug " that

exists in " our " community too.

Have you ever read Kathy Marshack's books and articles? Here is one (click on

side bar to navigate the site.)

..html

- Helen

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