Carla ( was Re: Fw: Article: Tell Me About The Money)

[Guest guest]

Hi Carla,

I like your website and read a few of your blog articles and love your holistic

approach to health. As a former graphic artist I have to say I also liked the

visual layout of your site Easy to follow.

I too like that passes on Dan Coulter's articles every month.

They are very helpful. It's great that your husband has, as you say, embraces AS

as his reality. It is NOT a bad thing, unless the individual has suffered

greatly for it (eg childhood bullying) and/or is afflicted with co-morbid

conditions that contribute to mental health problems. Unfortunately those folks

and their partners probably get less benefit from participating in forums like

this, as the afflicted partner is probably quite closed to any further

information on what is " wrong " about him or her, so it is left to their, well

essentially, caregiver, to try to put the pieces of the puzzle together and try

to salvage what they can for their partner or maybe just themselves.

However, it's my belief that most folks on the spectrum are quite functional,

quite happy, just different from the majority of the population - and the world

needs both kinds. They (and their partners) generally don't wind up telling

their stories or joining groups like this as they are getting on with their

lives, and not in need of further exploration for answers. 'Course I think

anyone could benefit from being a member of Newland's group And we

would benefit from hearing their success stories. But we do have many of our own

here.

For me there was a real " Eureka! " moment when I started reading adult first

person accounts about high functioning autism and Aspergers. The label was very

new then. Much of the literature was written for children back then but was

still very illuminating for me. Among my favourite adult authors are Liane

Holliday Wiley and Temple Grandin. Though I have the most nuanced form of AS

(and apparently not diagnosable) just knowing the many characteristics helped me

to understand all I didn't know before. Being a long term member of this group

and listening to the perspectives of both AS and NS (non-spectrum) helped even

more. Welcome to ASPIRES!

- Helen, 57, self-dx'd AS, dx'd ADD

>

> Hello, I am new to this group and wanted to thank you for posting this

article. My husband, almost 45, has very recently embraced Asperger as his

reality. We've been married 11 years. Articles like this help me realize that

the challenges he's had all along and the challenges we've had in our marriage

are Asperger based. I'm starting to feel relief. Thank you!

>

> Best, Carla.

> http://about.me/carlagolden

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for the compliments on my site and your reply, Helen. It's all still new and we're in transition with accepting his self-diagnosis. We were in couples therapy several years ago and I was so close to filing for divorce. Our doctor suggested that my husband go for testing. He did go for the initial consultation but didn't return for the test. As a professional care provider, he didn't want any diagnosis to inhibit his reputation. And since there is no "cure" for AS I agreed that not being tested was probably safest professionally. He has taught himself many coping skills over the years and he interacts well with his clients, though in his head he is always reading a script and following a flow-chart for what to say when. It is not intuitive at all and he's a totally different person at work than he is at home.We have since done some reading and he's taken online tests, and, while not conclusive, he feels pretty certain that he fits the bill. It's is part relief and part depressing. He keeps calling himself the Village Idiot and I keep emphasizing his genius qualities which are truly a gift. We watched the movie Adam and he was depressed for days.I have noticed myself taking charge of a situation because now I know that I'm the NS and am assessing the situation "better" than my husband. In the past I would include him and often defer to him even if my gut told me otherwise. I have more confidence in my discernment now, but I am also conscientious about not wanting to disempower or exclude him and I certainly don't want to talk to him like a child. It's a new mode for us and it will feel a bit foreign until it becomes our new normal.There is so much validation for me in his acceptance of AS. We struggled so much and I thought I was going crazy, but I'm sure I'm preaching to the choir here on this. Thanks again! It's great to have this resource and I'm looking forward to learning more from you all.

Best, Carla.http://about.me/carlagolden