Re: (article) Growing up in an Asperger Family

[Guest guest]

CJ quoted an article:"The AS parent will not be able to look intuitively into their child’s mind and recognise the invisible qualities their child has, such as kindness, caring, and honesty. They may judge their child by what is visible - tidiness, school achievements and time-keeping, for example. They may treat their children as mini-adults and have the same expectations of them as they have of themselves. "If an AS parent has a child and that child is AS then it is more likely that the ASparent is going to be able to look intuitively at that child...more so than the non-AS parent.Being able to understand the point of view of the AS child intuitively.Whoever wrote this overlooked that.Bit like overlooking icebergs in the Atlantic...... 40 AS father to an AS son....pretty intuitive......sick of the titanic centenary " celebrations"...it sank, they died..why celebrate?The information in this document is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and the content remains the intellectual property of To: shahmeran@... Sent: Wednesday, 4 July 2012, 1:52

Subject: (article) Growing up in an Asperger Family This article really spoke to me, as I grew up in a family that (had we known the term) would probably earn itself an AS diagnosis. Of the lot, I am the most able to fly under the radar (although it wasn't always that way). Sometimes I wonder how much of my AS is the product of my neurobiology, and how much I've been "Aspergated" by my bizarre family life, a life that represented the only 'normal' I knew while growing up.With respect to the article, keep in mind that when the author talks about Aspies lacking "empathy", she does not mean that AS folks have no concern for others. There are many facets to empathy (and the absence of it), some of which are characteristic traits of AS. The inability to put oneself in the other person's shoes comes to mind, as does the

fact that others have thoughts and perceptions different than one's own.Although not all Aspies will struggle to the same degree in this area, for when you've met one Aspie, you've met... well, you know the rest of the song.This excerpt from the article really spoke to me:"The AS parent will not be able to look intuitively into their child’s mind and recognise the invisible qualities their child has, such as kindness, caring, and honesty. They may judge their child by what is visible - tidiness, school achievements and time-keeping, for example. They may treat their children as mini-adults and have the same expectations of them as they have of themselves. "I grew up in the role of mini-adult myself, sometimes to the point where engaging in childlike games (for example, play acting) was actually ridiculed. This is one of the greatest regrets of my childhood, that I was never

able to develop a fantasy life.Even today, I feel very inhibited about any issue that requires role-playing. Or indulging the imagination for its own sake. I've often wondered to what degree my stunted growth in this area has contributed to my lack of interest in fiction. In particular, fiction that involves realms not of this earth. But give me an encyclopedia and a bunch of maps, and I'm happy as a pig in... well, you know. :)Anyway, I liked the article. Maybe you will too.Growing up in an Asperger Familyhttp://www.maxineaston.co.uk/published/Asperger_Family.shtmlEnjoy (or not),~CJ (The "Little Professor")~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~"The most important trip you may take in life is meeting people halfway."~~ Henry

Boyle------------------------------------ "We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony.Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial.We all contribute to the song of life." ...Sondra We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference. ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list.Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission. When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at: http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER http://www.aspires-relationships.com

[Guest guest]

On 7/3/2012 6:10 PM, david bailey

wrote:

 

If

an AS parent has a child and that child is AS then it is

more likely  that the AS

parent

is going to be able to look intuitively at that child...more

so than the non-AS parent.

Being

able to understand the point of view of the AS child

intuitively.

Whoever

wrote this overlooked that.

I'm not so sure about that.  AS manifests in so many different

ways, and there is that TofM issue.  My mom's AS is nothing like

my sister's, nor is it like mine.

A lot of Aspies live in a "universe of one".  If these folks

were so intuitive, they wouldn't be constantly at each other's

throats on the internet. lol

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

ok lets try another analogy......CJif i was a male obstetrician...I could deliver babies.....explain difficult presentations and have a lot of experience at obstetrics...in fact i could know everything there is to know about delivering a baby.....except one thing...what it feels like to have a baby.There may differences in experience at this process.......due to size of baby and mother..and more so the availability of drugs and pain relief....but AS people know AS better than non AS people........can someone explain to me what it feels like to have a baby? 40 ASThe information in

this document is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and the content remains the intellectual property of To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, 4 July 2012, 2:33 Subject: Re: (article) Growing up in an Asperger Family

On 7/3/2012 6:10 PM, david bailey

wrote:

If

an AS parent has a child and that child is AS then it is

more likely that the AS

parent

is going to be able to look intuitively at that child...more

so than the non-AS parent.

Being

able to understand the point of view of the AS child

intuitively.

Whoever

wrote this overlooked that.

I'm not so sure about that. AS manifests in so many different

ways, and there is that TofM issue. My mom's AS is nothing like

my sister's, nor is it like mine.

A lot of Aspies live in a "universe of one". If these folks

were so intuitive, they wouldn't be constantly at each other's

throats on the internet. lol

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

On 7/3/2012 6:41 PM, david bailey

wrote:

if i was a male obstetrician...I could deliver

babies.....explain difficult presentations and have a lot of

experience at obstetrics...in fact i could know everything

there is to know about delivering a baby.....except one

thing...what it feels like to have a baby.

There may differences in experience at this

process.......due to size of baby and mother..and more so the

availability of drugs and pain relief....

but AS people know AS better than non AS people........can

someone explain to me what it feels like to have  a baby?

I think your analogy holds only if:

1) Those involved are informed about AS.

2) They accept AS in themselves (they are not in denial).

3) Their AS does not manifest as the "universe of one" type.

Otherwise...

Sharing a label in common is simply not enough to ensure empathy,

understanding, or even tolerance of others.  You have only to browse

the large AS online communities to see proof of this in action.

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

"....can someone explain to me what it feels like to have a baby?"As someone who gave birth drug free, and enjoyed the process, I can offer suggestions.The first is stretch out your bottom lip, and see of you can make it fit over your head.The second is imagine you are constipated, and trying to pass a whole watermelon. The watermelon has razor blades protruding from it.But that only covers the physical aspects. It doesn't deal at all with the emotional, and I really can't explain that part - except to say the emotional connection and feeling of achievement and love made labour totally worthwhile. (sorry, this is an aside to the actual topic, but it amused me.) Hardingham

ok lets try another analogy......CJif i was a male obstetrician...I could deliver babies.....explain difficult presentations and have a lot of experience at obstetrics...in fact i could know everything there is to know about delivering a baby.....except one thing...what it feels like to have a baby.There may differences in experience at this process.......due to size of baby and mother..and more so the availability of drugs and pain relief....but AS people know AS better than non AS people........can someone explain to me what it feels like to have a baby? 40 ASThe information in

this document is confidential and is intended solely for the addressee. Access to this document by anyone else is unauthorized. If you are not the intended recipient, any disclosure, copying, distribution or any action taken or omitted to be taken in reliance on it, except for the purpose of delivery to the addressee, is prohibited and may be unlawful. This document and the content remains the intellectual property of To: aspires-relationships Sent: Wednesday, 4 July 2012, 2:33 Subject: Re: (article) Growing up in an Asperger Family

On 7/3/2012 6:10 PM, david bailey

wrote:

If

an AS parent has a child and that child is AS then it is

more likely that the AS

parent

is going to be able to look intuitively at that child...more

so than the non-AS parent.

Being

able to understand the point of view of the AS child

intuitively.

Whoever

wrote this overlooked that.

I'm not so sure about that. AS manifests in so many different

ways, and there is that TofM issue. My mom's AS is nothing like

my sister's, nor is it like mine.

A lot of Aspies live in a "universe of one". If these folks

were so intuitive, they wouldn't be constantly at each other's

throats on the internet. lol

Best,

~CJ

[Guest guest]

On 7/3/2012 7:17 PM, Hardingham

wrote: