If you had known sooner, would you have left?

[Guest guest]

Greetings:

My response is based solely on my marriage to Larry. The question is, “If you

had known sooner, would you have left? " YES, absolutely YES! I think he woulkd

say yes too. I don’t think he would have married me or anyone else for that

matter if he had known. Back then, marriage was expected and so were difficult

times.

Back in those days, AS was unheard of. We still know very little about autism.

In a nut shell, we both brought different skill sets to the table and they were

not enough to sustain the marriage. Larry continues to have poor social and

communication skills along with anger management issues. He has a low thresh

hold for frustration and anxiety. He also has low theory of mind. He is also

11 years older than me. Plus he has no patience for kids until they get older.

That alone would of been a deal breaker, but he said he wanted kids and then

could not cope.

Looking back some of the factors that played a role were we both came from

families that had a different social economic status. We grew up in different

environments. Larry’s mother was a bitter woman and it is believed his dad and

grandfather had AS and they were not nice men. They abused their wives and it

became learned behavior and passed on through the generations as we never

talkjed about it back then.

Like others, I am grateful for our children and learned along the way that I was

a co-dependent that became an enabler in my marriage to keep the peace. I am

back in school studying to be a counselor to help others. Did AS play a role in

my marriage? You would have to define AS. If anger issues, poor social and

communication skills coupled with a weak theory of mind are co-morbid skills

sometimes associated with AS, than no, AS played no part. To me, it does not

really matter as we were a bad match. I have been divorced for over five years

and now can chalk it up to a bad learning experience. I made a bad choice and

paid for it dearly. BUT then again, I would not be where I am today if I never

married Larry.

Due to economics Britt and I had to move back in with Larry. He has been very

good to us, but his behavior has not changed. Mine has and I am not responsible

for his behavior, nor do I care to try and change it. I just ignore it and

leave the room.

I would not do this again mainly because I am a social butter fly and know many

adults with AS but we live in two different worlds. It would not work for them

either and I think this is a good thing that we have so much awareness about AS

today. For others, it is a match made in heaven as we are all different. The

major problem in my marriage was that Larry could not live in my world and I

could not live in his. We all experience life differently and this was just my

experience with my marriage and not a reflection on the community r other NT/AS

couples.

The fact that Larry and I can now co-exist baffles folks and this has nothing to

do with AS. I know ex-spouses that have are still bitter where AS was not part

of the equation. At least Larry and I have moved on and have a better sense of

who we are and where we want to go in life as like Jane Fonda has written, this

is the third Act of our play at " our " age.

There have been some research projects on AS/NT relationships, but none of the

data has been released. This is just “my” personal experience.

Best.