Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 Hello clever group, I am looking for advice. My partner is not diagnosed and does not think that if he were it would impact his behaviour. Here is my situation and I am not sure what to do. He works for on elections (his main interest) and when there is one he works 14-16 hour days, 7 days a week for a few weeks prior. So, knowing this would happen I took the kids (6 months and 3 years) to my mothers for a few weeks. He has few responsibilities around the house, but one is to pay the bills. I returned and the cable was turned off and the notice from the electricity company said they would shut if off. There is money to pay the bills but not the interest. We are stuck where he doesn't do his bit (laundry, childcare, cleaning, etc) and then I ask and he gets mad and says I am micro-managing him and that he wants to do things on his timeline. Ideas? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 I understand his dislike of micro-management ... my ex would do that to me and it drove me nuts! " How did a dirty bowl get in the cabinet? Liz, you need to check every bowl you take out of the dishwasher. And you need to rinse them first. " Uh ... I'm the housewife, I know all this, and it's not a big issue anyway (unlike not paying bills). The best way to avoid claims that you are micro-managing is to create systems that do the nagging for you. Depending on the people involved, these could be: - a big wall calendar that everyone (mostly you) puts stuff on; - a family whiteboard with a to-do list - computerized versions of the same(Google Calendar, Remember the Milk, etc.) - process charts posted all over the house* Then, instead of checking up on tons of little things, all you have to say is, " Did you check the list today? " Get used to these systems ... when your kids are older, you'll need to keep lists and schedules for them too. Think of this as the learning phase. And remember ... we Aspies don't deliberately not do things, we just get wrapped up in other things and forget. [Even things like showering that NTs wouldn't dream of forgetting!] If we have systems that remind us to do what we know we need to do, things will get done. --Liz * Process charts ... I'm a graphic designer, and I used my skills to make cleaning charts for my kids, laundry flow charts for everyone, food storage guidelines, etc. I love this work, and I'm willing to do it professionally for anyone. > Hello clever group, > I am looking for advice. My partner is not diagnosed and does not think that if he were it would impact his behaviour. Here is my situation and I am not sure what to do. > > He works for on elections (his main interest) and when there is one he works 14-16 hour days, 7 days a week for a few weeks prior. So, knowing this would happen I took the kids (6 months and 3 years) to my mothers for a few weeks. He has few responsibilities around the house, but one is to pay the bills. I returned and the cable was turned off and the notice from the electricity company said they would shut if off. There is money to pay the bills but not the interest. > > We are stuck where he doesn't do his bit (laundry, childcare, cleaning, etc) and then I ask and he gets mad and says I am micro-managing him and that he wants to do things on his timeline. > > Ideas? > > > > ------------------------------------ > > " We each have our own way of living in the world, together we are like a symphony. > Some are the melody, some are the rhythm, some are the harmony > It all blends together, we are like a symphony, and each part is crucial. > We all contribute to the song of life. " > ...Sondra > > We might not always agree; but TOGETHER we will make a difference. > > ASPIRES is a closed, confidential, moderated list. > Responsibility for posts to ASPIRES lies entirely with the original author. > Do NOT post mail off-list without the author's permission. > When in doubt, please refer to our list rules at: > http://www.aspires-relationships.com/info_rules.htm > ASPIRES ~ Climbing the mountain TOGETHER > http://www.aspires-relationships.com > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 20, 2012 Report Share Posted April 20, 2012 My dh has mult lists all over the place and then lists for his list. I write down lists for him when I need him to do things. As far as bills, many of ours are on auto pay, that way it never gets overlooked by him. Lucky for me, my dh special interests include money, financing, investing, so I get pie graphs at the end of the month displaying our monthly spending habits....mostly mine, so because of his obsession with money, he would NEVER EVER pay bills late, in fact they are on auto pay way before they are due. But for everything else, he needs lists and computer reminders. Hope that helps > > Hello clever group, > I am looking for advice. My partner is not diagnosed and does not think that if he were it would impact his behaviour. Here is my situation and I am not sure what to do. > > He works for on elections (his main interest) and when there is one he works 14-16 hour days, 7 days a week for a few weeks prior. So, knowing this would happen I took the kids (6 months and 3 years) to my mothers for a few weeks. He has few responsibilities around the house, but one is to pay the bills. I returned and the cable was turned off and the notice from the electricity company said they would shut if off. There is money to pay the bills but not the interest. > > We are stuck where he doesn't do his bit (laundry, childcare, cleaning, etc) and then I ask and he gets mad and says I am micro-managing him and that he wants to do things on his timeline. > > Ideas? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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