Re: I need help/Can I help?

[Guest guest]

Thank you Judy. I think a lot of your insights are pretty accurate, or at least

close enough so I can look at it from those points of view to figure out what's

really going on here. I think a lot of the issue is not knowing how to talk to

him or when. I have a hard time explaining things to him. I say things that

seem perfectly clear to me, even more clear then I would ever need something

explained to me and he still either doesn't get it or " argues " with me. At

least, that's how it feels to me, is that he is arguing. He says he is just

trying to understand and that's the only way he knows how to understand, and I

do believe him but it doesn't make it feel any less like an argument to me. To

me it feels like he's trying to prove what I am saying wrong, rather than trying

to understand what I am saying. Sometimes I don't know the answers to his

questions and then I feel like I must be wrong for what I say I want, because I

can't back it up with an explanation and he wont let it go or agree with what I

want until I can answer his questions, so if I can't answer his questions, then

I feel like I have no choice but to give up on what it was that I wanted or the

opinion I had about a situation. It's not as though I can just walk away and do

what I need to do for myself in these situations every time, as a lot of the

things this happens with are family matters and I do need to discuss it with

him. One thing I know I do wrong is I pick at him about everything he does

wrong, about every time he forgets what I say even though he can remember every

fact of music history, and I get overly upset when he puts something away in the

wrong place even though I've explained it dozens of times before. I'm just a

picky person naturally, but I think I tend to pick at him for all the little

things he does wrong, that normally wouldn't even bother me, because I feel like

I have no say in most other important matters. When he " argues " with me like

that about everything it's like being told I am wrong or I've done something

wrong and these are often about big things, so I guess it's my way of making up

for how " wrong " I am by pointing out his faults. I know that isn't fair, and I

do try so hard not to do it but find myself doing it eventually again anyway.

I'm definitely at fault here as well as he is for our problems. I think someone

mentioned reading up on past posts about how to fight with your AS partner. I

had never even thought to research and learn how to fight, it seemed odd to me

but thinking about it, it could be one of the best pieces of advice I could have

gotten to date. So I think I will start there as well as try to analyze how

things manifest in these situations. Thanks again.

> > >

> > > Hi Luci and Welcome!

> > >

> > > Ditto to what said.

> > >

> > > Your children must have priority of what energy and sanity you have, your

BFs issues alone will absorb you and leave you feeling drained emotionally and

physically and you will get no traction for a positive outcome in this

relationship while running on " empty " . Finding the right support/therapy is a

must, if this relationship is going to work.

> > >

> > > I am certain you are devoted to the relationship, as you remain w him,

despite the situation/issues you relate. asked a good Q. What is your

common ground? How/when do you two connect?

> > >

> > > This could be a starting point to sort out your overwhelming

thoughts/feelings.

> > >

> > > Heartfelt Hugs .... and we get it...been there, done that!

> > >

> > > ChEers!

> > >

> > > Blanca

> > > Blanca M. Lara Rocha

> > >

> > > I need help

> > >

> > > Hi & welcome to ASPIRES:

> > >

> > > Are you getting any help for you and your issues that have risen from this

relationship? I only ask as you can only change yourself and not him. Somethimes

talking to a good counselor/therapist can really help you get healthy again. You

need to stay strong for you and your kids. He is a BIG boy and you are not

responsible for his behavior.

> > >

> > > I am sending you positive energy and cyber hugs!

> > >

> > >

> > > Been there, done the work and its HARD work!

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > I don't know what to do anymore. My boyfriend has Asperger's and things

have gotten really bad. First I will give you an idea of the situation. I'm a 28

year old divorced mother of three children ages 4, 7 and 8. My boyfriend is 30

years old, no children of his own, never been married (has only had one real

girlfriend ever prior to our relationship). He's a musician and that's really

his only interest, but he has not been able to play music for the past year on

any regular basis, which I think is one part of the problem. He is unemployed

except for a part time job (an hour a day 5 days a week cleaning a bank.) He has

been seeing a therapist for quite a while now, and has started taking zoloft in

November and recently when I went to his psychiatrist with him and begged them

to do something more to help, he has been taking risperdal. He has incredibly

high levels of anxiety almost all the time. He panics at just having to get out

of bed in the morning

> and face the day.

> > >

> >

>