Fwd: [JOKE] Customer Service With a Smile?

[Guest guest]

I almost busted a gut with this. I hope you enjoy it too.

Mark

----Original Message Follows----

>In my recent days working in a non-disclosed retail store, I have learned

>that customers suck. This is a list of stupid questions with their

>corresponding answers to tell ANYONE who thinks like this to stop shopping

>PERIOD! If you have ever asked an employee any of these questions, hang

>your head in shame...

>===================================================================

>

> Customer: " Excuse me, do you know where the taby,

> thingamabobers are? "

> Employee: " Yea, by the whatchamacallits on aisle 6. "

>

> Customer: " Do you carry Ink Eraticators? All of the other places

> do. "

> Employee: " I think so. I saw em by the Ink Accelerators on aisle

> 4. "

>

> Customer: " Wheres the thin plastic strips with sticky stuff on the

> back that you stick things to other things with? "

> Employee: " Hmm... that's a tough one... The closest we have is

> tape. "

>

> Customer: " Can you help me find something? "

> Employee: " Nope! I'm going to stand here and laugh at you a bit

> more... "

>

> Customer: " Excuse me. Do you work here? "

> Employee: " Oh... Sorry. I just dress up like this five days a week

> because I like messing with people's minds... "

>

> Customer: " Excuse me. Do you look like you work here? "

> Employee: " (no comment) "

> >thanks Matt!<

>

> Customer: " Where are the little flat black things you put in

> computers? "

> Employee: " Hmm. I think they are in the computer section next to

> the disks. "

>

> Customer: " I'm having trouble with my computers coffee holder. Do

> you carry replacements? "

> Employee: (commits hari-kari on the spot)

>

> Customer: " This item doesn't have a price on it. Does that mean

> it's free? "

> Employee: " Yes. Thats one of the items we paid with " free money "

> with. "

>

> Customer: " Excuse me. Is there a manager in this store? "

> Employee: " Nope. Sorry, we only have someone with a " Manager " name

> tag on to throw people off. "

>

> Customer: " Can I open this? "

> Employee: " Sure. I'm sure it's different on the inside of the clear

> wrapping. "

>

> Customer: " Do you have a shopping cart? "

> Employee: " I think so. Let me look in my pocket. Oh! We moved em

> out to the parking lot! "

>

> Customer: (referring to a cashier) " Are you open? "

> Employee: " No, sorry. I'm just standing here because people are

> giving me money. Why stop a bad thing. OH! maybe I will

> turn this light off with the big number on it next to this cash

>register... "

>

> Customer: " Does this printer print in black? "

> Employee: " Yea, but you have to buy the white extra. "

>

> Customer: " I am looking for something to plug into the back of my

> computer that lets me use my fax, scanner, printer,

> copier, and 4-in-1 multi-function machine at the same

> time. "

> Employee: " Yea! We have lots of those! right through that big glass

> door by the entrance. Don't be confused by that

> 'Exit' sign. "

>

> Customer: " Excuse me. Do you sell these shelves? "

> Employee: " Only with all the items on it. Do you want these price

> tags too? They're extra though. "

>

> Customer: " Is this new computer Y2K compliant? "

> Employee: " No, sorry. We just received our new 1900 models. We can

> put your name on the list so we can sell you the new 2K

> models 100 years from now... "

>

> Customer: " Do you have a bathroom here? "

> Employee: " No, sorry. We all piss in our pants when we need to go. "

>

> Customer: " Can you give me a discount on this? "

> Employee: " Yea, that's why we have those little stickers with prices

> on em on everything. "

>

> Customer: " My computer isn't working. Do you know why? "

> Employee: " Oh, sorry. I don't have ESP. Let me transfer you to our

> ESP Technician department. "

>

> Customer: " Do you carry pencils? "

> Employee: " No, I'm sorry. This is an office supply store only. We

> don't carry pencils; or pens for that matter. "

>======================================================================