If you had known sooner, would you have left?

[Guest guest]

:

I can't speak for others, but I think both Larry and I took our vows seriously

which is why the marriage lasted so long. As the years went by, the gap in our

differences grew wider. I can't stop people that I know from coming up to me in

public when I am with Larry and wanting to social chat even for a few minutes.

If Larry doesn't know them, this is nerve wracking for Larry. I get that now.

Neither one of us knew about AS back then.

Here is a recent story I shared with Helen privately. I bought some candy from

my surrogate grand kids for a school project. One afternoon they dropped by

after school to deliver it. I was in my room on the third floor when my AS son

who has lived with Larry since after the divorce came upstairs to announce they

were here and let me have it verbally. He said this is dad's house and how dare

I bring anyone over here and how selfish and inconsiderate I was. Of course his

language was more flowery. Larry left and went upstairs and told our daughter

Brittnay, maybe he should go downstairs and turn on some porn so they would

leave. I had no control over them stopping by and they stayed for only 10 mins.

but that was 10 mins. too long. Brittnay was floored and said, they were out of

line and just plain rude. A good lesson for her and a trigger to me on one of

the many reasons we are divorced. I had no control over them coming by the house

as they have before.

I cannot control some factors in life and the fact is that some of us are more

social by nature. When I took my wedding vows I did not agree to infidelity or

verbal and emotional abuse just because we were married. That was what the men

in his family modeled and I did not know that at the time as his dad left the

family when he was 3. We did not find out the history till years later. I also

brought baggage to the table but we were on different planets at the end of 17

years.

Larry and I both decided it was time to end the relationship and heal. It has

been over 5 years since the divorce, which is why we can co-exist now with

little stress and a few bumps. We no longer have the demands that a

relationship requires. Everyone is different but taking vows does not give one

a license to break them and be forgiven due to a marriage license.

In my parent’s day, there was NO divorce as she was Catholic. Was that a good

think? You would have to ask folks in that generation. I grew up in a general

where there is more awareness and focus on different forms of abuse and “why” it

should not be tolerated under any circumstances. This is just my personal story

on “my” marriage.

It will be interesting to see what others say?

Best as always.

PS: I did end up apologizing to Larry as it was “his” house. I still think

they were wrong, but we process information differently.