Re: Playing God...

September 19, 2008

And I say Amen!!!

True love is when we love someone enough to let go.

Jayn

in S GA

In a message dated 9/19/2008 1:53:35 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

janthegoddess2003@... writes:

So many people on here have wondered and asked if they are " playing

God " when they make decisions to not artificially prolong the lives

of their LO's. This is my take on it:

When bodies start shutting down due to a degenerative disease of the

brain such as LBD, it's because the body is not getting the signals

it needs to sustain life. Our brains are our central processing

unit, like a computer; however, there is nothing that can be done to

rewire the brain, to reprogram it. A new mother board can't be

installed.

LBD is not like pneumonia or a disease that can be wiped out with

penicillin or other antibiotics. It's not like a tumor than can be

excised and perhaps give a second chance to the one who is

suffering. You can't do a bypass or put in a stent and make

everything all better. It is what it is.

Hospice and nursing homes and the like offer palliative care. This

is care to ensure that our LO's don't suffer unduly, but it is not

going to heal them. They aren't going to be restored to health.

We all want to hold on to our LO's as long as possible, to keep them

with us, and there is a strong desire to take heroic measures to do

so. But, in my very humble opinion (and believe me, this is just an

opinion and not an indictment of anyone who feels differently) we are

closer to " playing God " when we interfere with the natural processes

the body goes through in its final phases of earthly life. We are

not given unlimited life spans. We do have the technology to prolong

physical existence, but at some point we have to ask ourselves at

what cost we are doing so.

My mother is in the latter stages of LBD. She has her lucid times,

but they are so fleeting and so rare. However, I know her as well as

I know myself, and I know that she would not want to be unnaturally

sustained when she has her faith that she will be joining her

parents, her sisters, her brothers...all those who have gone on

before. When she doesn't eat, it's because her body doesn't want the

nourishment. When she refuses to drink, it's because her body is

wanting to shut down. If she's lucid and wanting to eat, we make

sure she gets what she wants. If she wants a glass of water, we run

to get it.

Would I consider a feeding tube? Would I consider intravenous

hydration? If I thought it would add one second of quality to a life

that is trying so hard to exit the world, I might. But I know that

she's suffering. I know that she will never be cured, will never be

well, will never be whole again.

So then I have to get down to the absolute basic questions: Do I

love her? With all my heart. Would I do anything to make her

better? Without hesitation. Do I love her enough to let her go

peacefully from this world without further trauma to her already-

suffering little body? Absolutely.

As I said, this is just my opinion.

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September 19, 2008

What a heart wrenching experience, Sandie. I am sure it ripped your heart

out, but you are, and were, right. I feel for you in your loss that occurred as

of today, but you are also a strong lady with a head on your shoulders. I

really appreciate you in helping us as we grope.

Love you,

Imogene

In a message dated 9/19/2008 4:37:28 PM Central Daylight Time,

sanclown@... writes:

Jannis-

This post didn't come through for me, for some unknown reason, so I am

thankful Jayn replied and left the message with it. I also agree with what

Jayn

wrote about true love.

I also agree with what you said. Atleast 2 1/2 years before my dad passed

away I was faced with a feeding tube for my dad. An incompetent doctor that

didn't make it to the swallow evaluations done on my dad while he was

hospitalized had no idea my dad couldn't swallow anything. So when I found the

hospital was going to release him with no means of eating or drinking I had a 5

minute decision to make - I opted for the PEG tube. My dad was able to gain

weight back he had lost, was able to walk again, had the tube removed and

lived on 2 1/2 years after the tube had been removed.

Then came the time when my dad was refusing to eat. He would turn his head,

clench his jaws, and even flail his arms at the utensil as I tried to feed

him. I had the tray taken away at breakfast and by the lunch time meal I

figured it out. My dad didn't want to eat. He was going to win his battle.

I

took my dad's hands, looked him in the eyes and said that I knew what he was

doing and " it " was ok with me. I would support him with this decision. He

looked me straight in the eyes, big and blue as his were, and we understood

one another. We cried together. A meeting was called at this hospital and

dietary was included. The final decision was mine and when asked if I wanted a

PEG tube or IV fluids for my dad I said...no. The doctors agreed. I

questioned what would we gain sustaining my dad's life when it was apparent he

knew

what he wanted. Sure, if he showed an interest in food or liquids I and the

staff were prepared to give it to him and he was still offered nutrition at

each meal but not forced. Within a 2-3 week period my dad had less than a

half cup of a chocolate nutrition drink. That was 6 years ago earlier this

month and my dad won his battle with LBD on Sept. 20, 2002.

It is a personal decision and one of the hardest I have ever faced. I know

I honored my dad with what he wanted. He fought a hard 7 years with LBD and

was able to win the battle.

My heart goes out to each and every person who has a loved one struggling

with LBD and for those whom have lost their loved ones.

Huge hugs to all with many prayers-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed from LBD 9-20-02, at age 65

**************Looking for simple solutions to your real-life financial

challenges? Check out WalletPop for the latest news and information, tips and

calculators. (http://www.walletpop.com/?NCID=emlcntuswall00000001)

September 19, 2008

Jannis-

This post didn't come through for me, for some unknown reason, so I am thankful

Jayn replied and left the message with it. I also agree with what Jayn wrote

about true love.

I also agree with what you said. Atleast 2 1/2 years before my dad passed away

I was faced with a feeding tube for my dad. An incompetent doctor that didn't

make it to the swallow evaluations done on my dad while he was hospitalized had

no idea my dad couldn't swallow anything. So when I found the hospital was

going to release him with no means of eating or drinking I had a 5 minute

decision to make - I opted for the PEG tube. My dad was able to gain weight

back he had lost, was able to walk again, had the tube removed and lived on 2

1/2 years after the tube had been removed.

Then came the time when my dad was refusing to eat. He would turn his head,

clench his jaws, and even flail his arms at the utensil as I tried to feed him.

I had the tray taken away at breakfast and by the lunch time meal I figured it

out. My dad didn't want to eat. He was going to win his battle. I took my

dad's hands, looked him in the eyes and said that I knew what he was doing and

" it " was ok with me. I would support him with this decision. He looked me

straight in the eyes, big and blue as his were, and we understood one another.

We cried together. A meeting was called at this hospital and dietary was

included. The final decision was mine and when asked if I wanted a PEG tube or

IV fluids for my dad I said...no. The doctors agreed. I questioned what would

we gain sustaining my dad's life when it was apparent he knew what he wanted.

Sure, if he showed an interest in food or liquids I and the staff were prepared

to give it to him and he was still offered nutrition at each meal but not

forced. Within a 2-3 week period my dad had less than a half cup of a chocolate

nutrition drink. That was 6 years ago earlier this month and my dad won his

battle with LBD on Sept. 20, 2002.

It is a personal decision and one of the hardest I have ever faced. I know I

honored my dad with what he wanted. He fought a hard 7 years with LBD and was

able to win the battle.

My heart goes out to each and every person who has a loved one struggling with

LBD and for those whom have lost their loved ones.

Huge hugs to all with many prayers-

Sandie

Des Moines, IA

dad, Merle, passed from LBD 9-20-02, at age 65

-- jja52538@... wrote: