Sexual Encounters: Should Aspies have children at all?

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Will, CJ and , you have put forwards exactly the thoughts I have

been having about bringing children into the world. Apparently it's about 57%

risk of passing on Aspergers genetically, and also to throw into the mix my

Bipolar, which is much better managed now and I am in a far better place to deal

with it. However there is about 12% risk of passing this on genetically too.

Having been of a maternal bent since I began my Puberty, I have held off for the

right time. Jon has also bought into this. Then when we were going to have

children, I had a massive breakdown, which put it on hold. That was 3.5 yrs

ago. Before we knew about Aspergers or about Bipolar.

Moving on to now. Jon and I are working through our relationship, having very

nearly divorced last year. We have couples counselling, I have personal

counselling too, and see a psychiatrist. We are going to get a private

diagnosis for Jon's AS ways, but we both think that he is on the milder end of

the spectrum. He's shown great ability to bond and play with my nephew when he

was little. He was a bit puzzled by the teen years, but has made efforts to

interact with him too. My nephew is very much like me, although no mental

health issues have yet emerged.

The history - we've been together for 10 years, 5 of which married. We've been

through a lot together, and a lot has become clear in retrospect, though the

Bipolar and Aspergers lenses.

We do love eachother and buy into a future together. That's why we didn't split

up last year. Essentially we get on, I am very maternal and I am adjusting to

how this impacts on my relationship with Jon, as in effect I am having to

nurture him as I would my 14yr old nephew. We are struggling a little with

making new adjustments and dealing with our issues in full clarity. Such as how

to manage a sex life between two such different people. It is at times

frustrating.

We've two dogs, who we dote on, and in effect we vent all our parental urges on

in terms of investing in fun time together, interaction and bestowing of love

and affection. By the way, I don't dress up the dogs, or baby them or anything

weird, just enjoy their essential dogginess!

Yes, I do want to have a child to further the line. Jon says he wants a child

or two also. I want to be involved in nurturing a life, helping a child grow

up. I've been involved with my nephews upbringing and loved it. I am a natural

mothering type, and lots of people say so about me. Having worked as a

probation officer, a life coach (Pre breakdown) and also training and project

management in a mental health charity, they have all been essentially caring

roles involved in nurturing people.

The question is whether having children given the genetic risks, is it the RIGHT

THING TO DO.

The children would not want for affection, protection, involvement and nurturing

and teaching. Admittedly the way that Jon and I would interact would be

different, based on our different personalities.

But would and indeed should you have children if you know there's a risk of them

having AS or BP?

1: Would they be that disabled being raised by parents who have had the issues

and worked hard to overcome them? Or would they be better equipped, getting

earlier diagnosis, therapy and so on?

2: Is it comparable with things like spina bifida, downs syndrome, genetic

defects.

3: Would you advise a person who has had cancer in their families or themselves

to not have children due to the genetic risk?

I would love to hear from everyone on this topic, as I am struggling a lot with

it myself. Is it the right thing to do? I literally am in two minds.

Thanks,

Becky

> >> My advice is " don't " , and by this I mean don't try for or even take

> >> the risk of conception, at least not while your relationship remains

> >> the way you're describing it. Why not? because 1: For their own future

> >> wellbeing, children need to be born into a happy caring broadbased

> >> loving mother and father relationship. because 2: In common with many

> >> other AS dads, it's unlikely that Jon will be able to properly bond

> >> with your offspring and fulfill the shared upbringing duties that

> >> fatherhood normally entails. because 3: There's a significant risk

> >> that your offspring will inherit AS genes from its father. I could go

> >> on.....but let me conclude now with a couple of difficult questions: -

> >> Do you really love this man in complete body and soul? - Is yours the

> >> kind of all-embracing loving relationship that you believe children

> >> should be conceived out of? (who made some bad mistakes and got

> >> it all wrong)

>

> --

> WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

> http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm

>