Some of those partners *may be the cause* of - the triggers for - AS misbehavior.

[Guest guest]

Some of those partners *may be the cause* of - the triggers for - AS

" misbehavior " . That's the dark secret that dares not speak it's name. Sometimes

it's the NT.

Hi Bill:

Can you expand your thinking on this? In the addiction world there is an old

joke, " You would drink too if you were married to my wife " . Or many batterers

have said, " She MADE me hit her or verbally and emotionally abuse her. She is

responsible for MY behavior " .

In what way do you think NT partners are responsible for the behavior of their

AS partners? By not understanding AS? What if neither party knows the other has

AS, how are they responsible? I may have totally misjudged your words, and I

apologize. I am just asking for more information on your theory.

Just trying to understand exactly what you mean.

Best.

[Guest guest]

Newland wrote:

> Some of those partners *may be the cause* of - the triggers for - AS

> " misbehavior " . That's the dark secret that dares not speak it's name.

> Sometimes it's the NT.

>

> Hi Bill:

>

> Can you expand your thinking on this? In the addiction world there is

> an old joke, " You would drink too if you were married to my wife " . Or

> many batterers have said, " She MADE me hit her or verbally and

> emotionally abuse her. She is responsible for MY behavior " .

>

> In what way do you think NT partners are responsible for the behavior

> of their AS partners?

I " think " no such thing! " Responsible " is your word, not mine.

My words were " ...cause of... " in the explanatory context of

" ...triggers for... " " Triggers " is exactly what I meant.

Think of one spouse - either gender - constantly and loudly being on the

other's " case " , at the drop of a hat, with little or provocation.

I've known people like that, couples like that; I bet you have too.

Think of the other spouse finally blowing his/her cork -- an AS

" meltdown " ? In this case " triggered " by the first spouse, yes?

In the statement I made, I implied " sometimes it's the NT " who is that

trigger. Surely nobody's surprised at the possibility?

It's no more complicated or significant than that. It happens between

NTs as well -- in the " best and most admirable " of relationships.

> By not understanding AS? What if neither party

> knows the other has AS, how are they responsible?

Most often they're not, I'd guess. Again your word, your idea, not mine.

> I may have totally

> misjudged your words, and I apologize. I am just asking for more

> information on your theory.

I don't think you misjudged; " read into " might be more accurate. Just a

mistaken reading. Anyway, no apology needed.

>

> Just trying to understand exactly what you mean.

- Bill ...AS, ...always happy to help anyway.

--

WD " Bill " Loughman - Berkeley, California USA

http://home.earthlink.net/~wdloughman/wdl.htm