Sick Don

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I'm back.

My darling Don is getting quite ill. He has to be told things in very short

sentences

and just what to do each step of the way. The nurse was giving him his

medicine this morning. She dumped three pills in his hand and he put them in

his

mouth. Then he reached for more and she told him three times to drink some

water and swallow the pills in his mouth. Then she handed him a couple more, and

they went through the whole process again. Finally he took the last pills.

His food has to be cut up for him, and toast buttered, and jelly put on it. He

is completely bathed and shaved by staff. He has fallen twice. Also, he seems

to be getting a groin hernia. His daughter said she will tell the doctor

when he came in today.

I took him out shopping, and then went to the Motel to stretch out a while,

where it was quiet, as he fussed about the noise in the NH. Well, within

fifteen minutes he had to head back to the NH. His daughter said good, he is

feeling like this is home now.

When Don kept bitching about everything, I said honey you have it a lot

better than some. He fussed negative about everything, and asked how I could

think

that? I said honey you could be dead. Your first wife died in her sleep. (

wrong thing to do! but I didn't know how sick he really was.) He cried a few

seconds, and then said my wife has died and you are chasing after other men.

He continued with how much more do I need? That hurt so bad.

The next morning, still not realizing how really sick he was I wrote our

medical bills down and told him I needed to pay those bills off before I can

move. He wanted to show his daughter the paper right now, and see if she could

find a solution to the problem. I then, knew how sick he was as I have handled

the bills for thirty-eight years. I was glad to see that he was relying on

her, and feels secure with the nurses.

The first afternoon I was there, he was thrilled to see me. Then, that night

I couldn't sleep. Bad bed in the motel.

You guessed it! The next day is the day he laid into me about taking all his

money (what money?) and running around, and flirting with all the men. I

endured hours of his abusive tongue. I wanted to be with him, but, my nerves

were

shattered. I did all I could to divert his attention. Took him shopping, but

he got too weak from that.

Again, the second night even after folding the heavy bedspread in half and

putting it under my sheet, I still didn't sleep! I went to sleep after

midnight, and woke up at four. So I packed it all up, and headed back to the

nursing home. This time I wasn't offered any breakfast, and I didn't want to

rock

the boat with Don. So, I kept quiet. I told him I wanted to drive home early

before it got hot. I reassured him of my love again, and again before I left.

I am exhausted!!

I will not tear my life up, only to have him become so sick he doesn't even

know me. One time he asked who I was. When I told him, he asked if I was

related to him in some way?

This is so hard it is wrecking me, but I made up my mind that I was not

going to move up there, as he is relying on his daughter, for which I am glad.

And I can sense our parting has arrived. It is so terribly hard, but my moving

up there, and signing a year's lease is not very practical. The rent is

terribly high, and I need the money to pay Don's medical bills. So, the best

thing

for him, and me, is to make an occasional visit. When I see him he starts

fussing to go home, and yet, twice he wanted to go back to the nursing home,

within 15 to 20 minutes. He is getting excellent care, and excellent food.

Twice last week when I called him, he laid the phone down to get something

or to get his daughter. I finally had to hand up, and call the nurses station

to tell them the phone was off the hook.

He said I don't think anyone here likes me. He said one minute they are

friendly, and the next they seem to shun me. I said Darling just about everyone

here has a mental disorder, and that makes them act that way. He accepted

that.

He is getting adjusted, and is relying on the nurses, and especially his

daughter,

so I know he is in the best of care. And, yes, they are LBD savvy.

I don't know how we became so fortunate in getting on Medicaid so easily,

and getting into the NH without being in the hospital for three days first.

And, we won't be charged anything for the first month, as it is usually covered

by Medicare, but it has been worked out for us that they back dated his entry

(I guess, how else?) and now he gets it all on Medicaid. He has caring

staff, and is cared for. That one day I questioned, they were short handed but

did

give him a bath that evening.

I love him dearly, but love is realizing what is best for that person, and

letting them

go, in a sense. I am mourning the departure of my beloved, even though he is

still here in the flesh.

And, Love to all of you,

Imogene

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