Re: Re: Can you improve this email to my co-workers?

[Guest guest]

hello , I hope that you are well, and I am sorry to hear about your mother. In terms of the communication, I can see how people think that you have no need to 'go public' in the sense that it might then make you vulnerable to unwarranted comment. In terms of Ian, he had no idea he had AS during his main working life, and had fallen out with colleagues and others as he made remarks about them, (thinking he was helpful, or in other circumstances, being amusing). He was put in a corridor with his desk and PC in order to keep him away from people, and he actually agreed to that because he felt better in a darker place with no noise. I was appalled, because I saw it as being excluded, but he didnt see it like that, he saw it as keeping him away from stupid people. With hindsight, had he known about his AS then, and also been aware of his own sensory needs, he might have suggested that move himself, although the education of others about his AS may have meant that they chose whether to react to him or not - and whether he would then have to be moved away for everyone elses benefit. In terms of saying what you would like to say, I would have approached it slightly differently. There are AS carry cards that some use, which Ian uses, that explains 'I have AS, and sometimes that means that ......' similar to what you have proposed in your email. So, you could write an email along the lines of "I have Asperger syndrome. I would like to tell you what to expect and how this affects social and communication skills.People with AS may behave unpredictably because they have difficulty understanding social situations and language.Please help by showing understanding and tolerance.

A person with AS has difficulty with social interaction, communication and imagination, and will show some of these characteristics:Social interaction

Seems isolated or not to care about others

Cannot read body language or understand the need for tact

Behaves inappropriately or oddly

Avoids eye contact when feeling worried or under pressure

Dislikes physical contact.Communication

May not understand tone of voice, gestures or expressions like frowning or grinning

Takes similes and metaphors literally (so thinks daft as a brush and throwing the baby out with the bathwater are about brushes and babies)

Finds it difficult to hold a conversation

May seem argumentative, stubborn, or angry...

or over-compliant, agreeing to anything even if untrue

May use formal, stilted or pedantic language

May seem inattentive or unresponsive

Can be honest to the extent of bluntness or rudeness Cannot foresee the consequences of their actions

Very worried by changes in routines or unexpected events

Likes set rules, and may overreact when people break them

Often has special interests that may become obsessions

Finds it difficult to see or imagine another persons point of view.

What to do if you think a person may have AS:

People with AS may speak clearly and properly but can lack full understanding. Their apparent independence can disguise their isolation and social disability.

When talking to a person with AS:

first explain what you are going to do and make sure they understand

use clear simple language with short sentences

ask specific, unambiguous questions

avoid irony, sarcasm or metaphors

allow the person extra time to think about or act on what you said

remember that if he or she is avoiding eye contact, this does not imply disrespectfulnessWould this help you at all? it is very generic but you could use bits of it to explain 'the condition' rather than apply it specifically and that might fulfil the requirement to let others know about AS? What do others think? Judy

From Judy Barrow To:

aspires-relationships Cc: 'Ralph Wilps' Sent: Friday, 31 August 2012, 12:00 Subject: Re: Can you improve this email to my co-workers?

-- in response to-- " Gaskill" bassman_720

I was hoping not to get the inevitable "don't send something like this" response. We rarely try to communicate with our cohorts about our condition, and I think that effort makes a lot of sense.

I'm also lucky in the sense that I don't think there is a lot of downside in my work environment to the disclosure.

If people can help me with the communication itself, I'd be grateful.

Thanks,-

[Guest guest]

,

It's very difficult for anyone to tell you how to improve on your letter,

without knowing why it is you feel it is necessary to send it. What goal do you

to accomplish? We can then measure the letter by how it would accomplish the

goal.

While I know you don't want to hear that you shouldn't send it, making a

convincing case for why you think you should would help others help you better.

When I read your letter I couldn't help thinking... " okay... so what? Why do I

need to know about his issues? I, (Joe Worker), have enough of my own problems

and issues just trying to do my job every day. Now I need to worry about HIM

too? Is he seeking some sort of special treatment? Why doesn't he just do his

job like everyone else, and stop being so self centered as to think people even

notice his differences? Because we don't, and we could really care less whether

he has Aspergers or any other condition. "

So tell me why you're doing this?

[Guest guest]

> It's very difficult for anyone to tell you how to improve on your letter,

without knowing why it is you feel it is necessary to send it. What goal do you

to accomplish? We can then measure the letter by how it would accomplish the

goal.

>

> While I know you don't want to hear that you shouldn't send it, making a

convincing case for why you think you should would help others help you better.

When I read your letter I couldn't help thinking... " okay... so what? Why do I

need to know about his issues? I, (Joe Worker), have enough of my own problems

and issues just trying to do my job every day. Now I need to worry about HIM

too? Is he seeking some sort of special treatment? Why doesn't he just do his

job like everyone else, and stop being so self centered as to think people even

notice his differences? Because we don't, and we could really care less whether

he has Aspergers or any other condition. "

>

> So tell me why you're doing this?

>

WOW. That's exactly what I was thinking when I considered 's

email from a typical coworker's POV. I was afraid to say anything

though, lest I hurt his feelings.

In my experience, unless the workplace is extremely (and I do mean

extremely) receptive to accommodating differences, sending such an email

is yet another example of Aspie naivete.

Sometimes Aspies forget that everyone does not think as they do, and

they can be very rigid about this. Just because something is a good

idea to them, it may not be the right approach for that particular

audience. (I've learned this lesson the hard way myself, most recently

in online support groups.)

Best,

~CJ

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Let your wise mind be governing your words, not your emotions.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm not sure if you are saying have patience now, and you will work on your

thoughts as to why you are sending it better? or have patience as you reword the

letter?

If it is the latter... I would say with all due sincerity, that your reading

public here did understand that your initial request was for improvement of the

communication, not for whether it should be done... but alas, the response you

are getting in large part (with which I agree) is that the BEST way to improve

the letter is to NOT send it.

While you may not be explaining it as well as you could, the whole concept of

making a letter to co-workers a " project " raises a red flag that you are

crossing the line between personal relationships and business ones. And I hate

to say it but I am one of those folks who also thinks that mass email " this is

what I've been doing in my life " letters are something that... well, to be

polite, I don't mind them from you on Aspires at all, but I don't " get " why

people do them, other than not being " connected " with others and thinking

(wrongly in my book) that a mass email fills the gap. The few people I have

gotten them from in my personal life-- all of whom I might add, I am sure are

aspie -- don't normally ask if I want them... but even to have to ask is a clue

that you don't have a close enough relationship with that person to need to send

it to them. If I am not close enough to you to already know what is going on in

your life, I really have no need to find out via a mass email. That is not to

say that when you send them here to the list, , I mind it -- in truth I

consider it a quirky thing, but quirky is fine in my book and you are a likeable

person and we do care about you here on Aspires. But to send it to 250 people?

Wow. I couldn't find 250 people to send such a letter to if I tried, and I

consider myself a pretty well connected person socially. So I worry when you

put your " letter to coworkers " in the same " project " category. I would hate to

see you " project " yourself out of a job for, as CJ says, extreme naivete or

maybe it is empathy difficulty making you not understand how your coworkers

might, or are likely to, react.

Sorry if my words are blunt but I sugarcoat things less and less as I get older,

and I don't mean any offense, I just want you to understand that a well meaning

action can lead to unforseen and undesired consequences.

Best,

Re: Can you improve this email to my

co-workers?

 

ok, a little context on reaching out to my co-workers.

My initial request was for improvement of the communication, not for whether or

not the communication should be done.

I have reached out to a number of people at work. I'd like to follow up with a

written note that doesn't have links, or a label for my impairment. I'd also

like to send it (with a bit of an introduction as to why I'm sending it) to

people I haven't talked to yet.

This is a similar projects as my Birthday Letter was this year. I had to ask

250+ facebook friends if they wanted to receive an email about what happened to

me since last year.

I'm sure I could do say this more clearly, and I appreciate your patience while

I work on my thoughts.

Thanks,

Sterbal

home

cell

[Guest guest]

> While you may not be explaining it as well as you could, the whole concept of

making a letter to co-workers a " project " raises a red flag that you are

crossing the line between personal relationships and business ones.

Yep -- this one has boundary issues written all over it.

Not everyone needs to know one's personal business, although some folks

seem to have difficulty distinguishing between what's public and

private. It's almost like an acceptance-seeking compulsion they have to

share themselves with others, often at levels that others find

inappropriate or embarrassing.

I regard disabilities in the same way I regard chronic health

conditions, bathroom habits, religion, politics, and sex. Unless there

is a *very* good reason (I don't consider a compulsion a good reason) to

share this information with others (especially in the workplace), these

topics are and should remain a private matter (or at least limited to

healthcare providers, special interest groups, and loved ones.

> And I hate to say it but I am one of those folks who also thinks that mass

email " this is what I've been doing in my life " letters are something that...

well, to be polite, I don't mind them from you on Aspires at all, but I don't

" get " why people do them, other than not being " connected " with others and

thinking (wrongly in my book) that a mass email fills the gap. The few people I

have gotten them from in my personal life-- all of whom I might add, I am sure

are aspie -- don't normally ask if I want them... but even to have to ask is a

clue that you don't have a close enough relationship with that person to need to

send it to them. If I am not close enough to you to already know what is going

on in your life, I really have no need to find out via a mass email.

I agree, . I think people send out these letters because they are

easy and require little effort. It's no way to maintain a connection,

but I suppose it's better than nothing.

I have never encountered anyone who would ask a large number of

strangers and acquaintances (which most Facebook 'friends' are) in

advance whether such a letter would be welcome. I'm willing to bet that

most people who received the request found it equally bizarre.

Like me, they probably wonder why the person just doesn't go ahead and

post the content of the mass email to Facebook instead, where all 250

'friends' can read it (or not). It's the same audience, right?

Best,

~CJ